I feel as though I'm in limbo

**Lindsaybrooke** · 05-20-2011 10:28 PM

I found out my husband of 6 years was having an affair while checking our phone records. I was paying the bill and stumbled upon over 200 sent and received text messages. I confronted him about it, and he said it was just a girl that worked at the gas station, and he was helping her with her car (he is a mechanic at the shop next to this gas station). He proceeded to scream to me that I had no right being sneaky and accusing him of anything. I went to bed that night knowing he was cheating. The next day was his day off, and I went to work... I was a mess. I left early to come home to talk about this with him, and to my surprise he was not home. I called his phone and no answer, and I called her phone and left a voicemail letting her know that he was married. About 30 min later he calls me back, and I asked him where he was. He said he was watching a movie with her. I told him to come home, and he proceeded to tell me that he didn't live me anymore, he had not loved me in a very long time, and the only reason he stayed with me this long was because he could not afford to live on his own. I asked if she had received my message and if she knew that we were married. He told me that she knows we were married, and she knows I'm a ! I could not believe my ears. He also told me that he would come home when he was done watching the movie with her. I lost it. He hung up on me and I broke all of our wedding pictures, and was in comPlete hysterics. He came home, he told me that he lives me but he is not in love with me, he was not doing anything wrong with this girl, he was not cheating. He was not going to stop talking to her, and he needs to find himself. He blamed me for everything. He told me I drove him to this. He was embarrassed of the way I look, he has put up a wall around him on purpose, hoping that things would just fizzle. He took some things with him when he left, with every intention of coming back. He called 2 days later wanting to know if I was going to stay in the apartment or if he should stat. I chose to stay. I had the licks changed and called him to come get his things, and he never called back. Henkicked in my door the next day to get his things, after he signed himself off if the lease. I called the police, and there was nothing they can do. I filed for divorce and he was served on may 2nd. He gas not responded to my attorney, and I changed my number so he can't contact me. I found out 2 days ago that the girl he is seeing is 16 years old!!!!! He is 26!!!! I'm so disgusted I could throw up. There is a lot more to this drama, like he is an alcoholic, he has been verbally abusive to me for a long time, he cheated a year and a half ago, and felt bad about it, and I took him back. We were going to work on things....

Everyone but my mother says that they think he will come crawling back eventually....I honestly don't know if he will. What is the likelihood of him coming back? I feel like I'm in limbo, I don't feel like I gave the upperhand, even though I do. I guess it's the knawing feeling of rejection, and I want him to hurt. It's something I need to get over. If he does come back I wish it would happen asap so it can be over and done with. I hate not knowing if he will be waiting at my door when I get home, or show up at my job. I just don't know.

I know he is living in a hotel room at the hotel where this girl's mother works because he does not qualify for an apartment. LOSER!!!! I need some advise please. Will he come crawling back? How often does a relationship based off an affair last? I know nothing if this type of thing. I have always been faithful in all of my relationships. Please lend me your opinions. This is a very very very frustrating time for me.

I DO NOT WANT HIM BACK EVER!!!! I just want to make him hurt. Do you think he thinks about me? I wish I could stop thinking about him.

Thank you for your time. I know this a long post , but I had to get it out.

Thank you do much,
Lindsay Brooke

**WildChild** · 05-20-2011 11:05 PM

It sounds like you are in a great deal of pain. But seeking to hurt someone who has hurt you is never productive, it just lowers you to their level. There is a saying that living well is the best revenge. Make sure he is off your credit accounts and bank account and that you have a separation agreement in place so that he cannot obligate you to any debts that he incurs. Get your divorce.

Then forget him and move on. Get out and do things with friends. Talk some classes in something that interests you, get a new hairstyle. Have some fun.
He cheated on you before, having him out of your life is no great loss.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-20-2011 11:21 PM

LOSER!!!! I need some advise please. Will he come crawling back? How often does a relationship based off an affair last? I know nothing if this type of thing. I have always been faithful in all of my relationships. Please lend me your opinions. This is a very very very frustrating time for me.

I DO NOT WANT HIM BACK EVER!!!! I just want to make him hurt. Do you think he thinks about me? I wish I could stop thinking about him.

Honey, we can hear that anger coming out and you know what, that's normal.

Any grown man, texting to a 16 year old, you really think about it, is more than a loser that's just wrong.

I want you to know that when a man states, it's your fault, you don't take care of yourself, rada rada, in reality? He's finding excuses so he doesn't feel bad for what he is...And, what he didn't communicate into the marriage and why he lost love....

You seriously once you calm down, view everything about him, his lifestyle, his finances, his attitude, his sex only, no real warmth, love, towards you, you've wasted 6 years, don't waste another 6.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-21-2011 12:57 AM

You need to let him go. He's gone already physically but you are holding on in your heart... and there is nothing more damaging for you than that right now. You don't want him back, but you hope he does so that you can be the one to let HIM go... but thats not going to help. He is selfish... he could have ended your marriage when he fell out of love, but nope, he stayed because he wanted a place to live. He's cheated on you before, he did it again... and the chance of him coming back when he runs out of hotel money... is pretty good, especially since he likely can't move in with the 16 year old.

But do you want to let him back in, so he can mooch off you til he can run off again? And again? You are not a bed and breakfast for selfish men that are users and hurtful and cruel. You are a human being, a woman... a person that deserves respect... but you have to give it to yourself first by being strong in your conviction that you will not let him worm his way back in.

He's proven that he does not care about you. And that HURTS... Oh i know it does. And you will want to put a bandaid on that hurt, and letting him back in will do that... but he will only rip it off again, and as many times as you let him.

Take some time to heal, take some time to remember what it was like to feel happy, and find the things that make you feel that way and focus on yourself, your needs... your health. Turn to friends, family, focus on work, school, hobbies... interests... but try to keep busy. Time heals all wounds... the pain is raw now, but it will get better... every single day.

**spurzzz** · 05-21-2011 02:15 AM

Everyone but my mother says that they think he will come crawling back eventually

Yes he most probably will since he is a loser and cannot see anything past his backside.....so what? What are you going to do about it?? Let him walk all over you again?

Time is a great healer but only if you are productive in terms of helping yourself get better. If you do not change now you will just be the same weak character who will take him back with a pretense that you are stronger and "he has changed" ....

You are still young. Take this as a harsh lesson, get some help (Therapy, Books, Friends, Family, Groups) and move on.

**Lindsaybrooke** · 05-23-2011 01:55 PM

Thank you all for taking the time to read my rant lol. I have read all of your posts over and over, and your all right. Everyone says that the stages of grieve are hard, and I'm in the anger stage, it's hard...but I'm staying strong. I'm actually relieved not to feel his poisonous grip on my soul anymore. As hard as the first couple of weeks were. I do deserve SOOOOO much better & I know that. I HAVE known that for the extent of knowing him. It was just easier to ignore and fake it. Not anymore, and NEVER again!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-23-2011 02:33 PM

Well then you are at stage two

Feeling anger still but, starting to see what YOU went through and realising na, thanks but no thanks I deserve better.

Each day, you also get to be you, cook when you want, clean up when you want, dress how you want, go out when you want, and there is, trust me some peace in that as well as a great feeling of freedom and things around you look better as well...

Keep ranting we like to walk by people's sides

CW

**wendilee** · 05-25-2011 08:08 AM

its good to see you saying you deserve better. i am at that stage in my marriage, and it is wonderful.
anyone who will treat you that way, say those things to you, doesnt deserve you at all. keep telling yourself you are worth it, you are a beautiful woman, you deserve nothing but the best and you will not settle for less. you keep telling yourself that every morning while you look at yourself, and say it out loud. do it until you believe it. once you believe it, u wont need to say it anymore.