is it normal to feel this way?

**emeraldwings** · 05-21-2011 12:10 PM

my husband an i live two hours from another.
my school is in one city and his job is in another city.
so we pretty much talk online by webcam and chat.
there are times where he doesn't come online, but he plays games online.
he can play games the whole day without going online to talk to me.

so my question is.
is it normal to feel upset and lonely because of this?
right now i'm feeling upset.
he wasn't online the whole day and i waited for him til midnight before i decided to go to sleep.
sometimes when we chat he's playing games and chatting with his clan mates or team and i get ignored. i usually brush it off but he does it often that he makes it seem like he prefers his game more than me.

you guys may say that this is normal, but any advice on what i should do?

**Katsaly** · 05-21-2011 02:51 PM

It's normal to be upset, but it sounds like your chat time isn't very well defined. I suggest you agree on specific times when you are to spend online time TOGETHER. I recommend 1 hour 3 times per week. That way you can both have lives outside of each other and you shouldn't have to wait around for him since he agreed to talk to you at that specific time. Your current arrangement sounds damaging to your relationship.

As an aside, I know of some couples who dealt with a similar separation by BOTH people playing those games, that way the game time became quality time together. It might not be for you, but if you like the game at all, it's worth considering.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-21-2011 04:59 PM

Was he addicted to on line games before he met you and married you or is this out of bordom, of not being able to be with you?

That's the up-most question you need an answer to.

People become addicted to games especially when they can converse with others they can't wait to do so, their friends...you become second.

This has to stop and you have to get his un-divided attention...if he is addicted, you are never going to win unless you put your foot down and let him know YOU ARE IMPORTANT, you are his wife....

How long before you finish school and can move where he is now reciding?

CW

**emeraldwings** · 05-21-2011 09:31 PM

i can't move in with him til next year. no matter how much classes i take, it still ends up being til next year cause the classes aren't offered in certain semesters.
anyway, he told me that he's tired and wanna rest.
but this is what makes me upset and lonely the most.
he's playing the game online, yet he doesn't wanna talk to me or webcam with me?
i mean i don't mind just watching him play games you know?
at least i get to see him and see how he's doing and stuff.

we met in the same game, but on a different server, but now he switch to another server because he said there are more people online and he talks to his clan a lot.

**jns** · 05-21-2011 11:35 PM

I don't believe he is doing enough to keep a long distance relationship going, but I can't come up with any advice that he would likely follow to strengthen the relationship.

**Crystalblue** · 05-22-2011 09:44 AM

Do y'all take trips to see each other? It would be hard to keep the intensity in a long distant relationship. It sounds like having a weekend together at least once a month would be a better solution, but I agree that setting up a web cam schedule to talk to each other sounds like something you should do too.