extramarital petting
I've been married over 6 months and love my husband very much. I'm 20 and a college student, my husband is 25 and is a policeman.
There is a man I met at school, we have been eating lunch together and hanging out on campus during breaks. He asked me out but I told him I was happily married, he accepted this and said we could still be friends. We have gradually became closer, holding hands and sitting with his arms around me. I know I should have resisted, but today after lunch, we were sitting on a bench and he kissed me. It ended up in me kissing him back and letting him feel me up through my clothes. When he was petting me, I got so wet I thought it would soak through my clothes. Afterword, I felt so guilty I was in tears when i got home. Although I haven't committed adultery, I feel like I have. I love my husband but I am so attracted to this other man I don't think I can stop seeing him.
About an hour ago, while I was making love with my husband I couldn't help thinking of this man. I fantasized that it was him I was making love with. I've never felt like this before and i hate myself for it. I don't know what to do but I can't go on like this.
Zen is more of an attitude than a belief.
Sweetie, you are playing with fire and are likely to get burned.
You told this man that you are married and yet he persisted. What does that tell you about him?
You told this man that you are married and yet you continued to allow him to make advances. You are young and inexperienced in many more ways that you may realize. You need to cut this off, now. Unless you think your husband will be receptive to the idea of an open marriage?
I think this needs to mean zero contact with the other man.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
chaya, take careful note of what WC said. You have to jealously guard your heart from an interloper.Originally Posted by chaya
Men can be very persuasive if they want to be and they think they can get some advantage. Women can be, too. When you are in a normal relationship, you have to stay committed to that relationship. You cannot back off of this to be friends again. You have to quit it completely. You should have never let him start touching you. With you responding back, he will take it to the next level.
Unfortunately you don't have the history of several relationships and break ups to know how to handle yourself. I have to ask, is there part of your relationship with your husband that is not fulfilling? This is where a door is slightly open that someone can come in. Do you want to devastate your husband and only 6 months into marriage? This guy is most likely not interested in a truly solid relationship. How could he be when he tries to move in on a woman who is already married unless she is in an open relationship? Best of luck. If you eliminate this fantasy, it will fade in a short time. Determine if you can spice up your relationship with your husband.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
Patrick Henry
I agree with the others and especially jns's point about this fantasy lover of yours probably moving on in a few months.
What exactly do you hope will happen? Likely this guy would lose interest in you the second you left your husband, or became more "available" in any way. Seems to me the main thing attracting you to him at the moment is your unavailability. You're "hard to get," so it's exciting for him.
However if this situation is indicating to you that you're not ready to be married, then I would take care of that while you're still young and your marriage still fresh.
Figure out who you are... But remember that the grass is NEVER greener on the other side. Unfortunately most of us learn that the hard way at some point in our lives.
This man never tried anything with me, I told him I was married about 4 months ago. Since then we have just studied together, he was my lab partner in one class, and ate lunch together. At first we just talked about school and our studies. Gradually I started telling him about my personal life and he did the same. Yesterday just happened, neither one of us planned or wanted it to happen.
Your both right, things will never be the same between us. Until yesterday I didn't realize just how much I was attracted to him. I can't stop seeing him yet. He sits right next to me in 2 classes. I've decided not to have lunch with him any more. I'll make some excuse, haven't figured out what yet. There is a little over 3 more weeks until the end of the term. Then I'll never see him again.
I love my husband and our sex life is amazing to me. I climax every time we have sex, frequently more than once. The only thing I wish was different is more variety. He is very shy and his idea of sex is intercourse and nothing else. I can only remember one time that he has fingered me. Oral sex is completely out of the question, he considers it a perversion. Sometimes sex with him is painful because of his size but the pleasure makes the pain worthwhile.
Zen is more of an attitude than a belief.
sweetie, think to yourself how you would feel if your husband came home and told you that he kissed another woman, touched her sexually through her clothes, held hands with her, sat and just held her.
when you are married, those are only things that your husband should do with you, and you should only allow your husband to touch you, look at you, kiss you in those ways.
believe me, its the excitement of someone different, but that will go away.
take it from someone who was cheated on emotionally, it hurts just the same. if you are in love with your husband, go to him and tell him you love him.
and if he is in love with you, he will do anything he can to make you happy (and satisfy you sexually) no need to be shy now, you two are married.
I didn't go to school today. I didn't want to face the man I was with. If I went I couldn't avoid seeing him. I didn't tell my husband I was staying home, since he went to work, I have been crying. I hate myself and feel dirty like I cheated on my him and maybe I did, at least mentally. I've been trying to decide if I should tell my husband what I did. If I don't tell him, it will be a dirty secret I will have to keep from him forever. If I do tell him and we break up over it I don't want to live any more. I would do anything if I could take back what happened yesterday but I know that is impossible. I just don't know what to do to make it right.
Zen is more of an attitude than a belief.
Oh darlin', that's a toughie and you have to look at your true motivation if you tell him. Is it guilt and wanting to let go of the responsibility by passing it off to him? Is it a true love desire to have no secrets? Will it really do any good? I mean good in the sense of bettering your and his lives? Or will just serve to hurt both of you?
Unless you have an open relationship, it will hurt him. Is that going to be worth it? You aren't a little kid any more, he isn't your daddy. He may love you deeply but that doesn't mean he will make every poor choice you make OK and love you anyway. Sometimes we have to just suck it up and deal with our mistakes on our own and protect the ones we love from our fall out. You crossed A line, you didn't cross THE line. He has passed every test so far and shown that he loves you. You have tested yourself and are finding ?? What?
Do you really love your husband? Do you want to stay with him and be with him for the long term? What you are you really crying over? What do you really fear? Just because we get married does not mean we quit growing, developing and learning. You are learning a tough lesson right now and have to get clear. This may take time or you may "get it" very quickly.
If you are very certain of your marriage and that you want to be fully in it for the long term, I think you should chalk this up to a learning experience and leave it alone. If you are uncertain then you have some soul searching to do. In either case you cannot deal with this be avoiding the other man. You need to woman up and tell him very simply that you are not interested in any further contact. Period. No discussion. End of story. Don't tell yourself any stories about him, he is an opportunist. I can tell you exactly what is in his mind, "you let me", that is how he sets his limits. YOU set yours. You do not rely on men to set your limits. I know your cultural training may be different but this isn't the old country, in fact the old country isn't really that way any more either. You are in college. Usually you can sit where ever you want, try a different part of the room.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Maybe deep down I want to rid myself of the guilt by telling him. This guilt is making me sick, I'm not sure I can keep this a secret and go on as before. I have never tried to keep a secret of this magnitude before.
If by an open relationship you mean that we see and have sex with others, this is definitely not the case. My husband would be the last person on earth to have an open relationship like that.
I do love my husband and want to stay with him. But, part of me also wants to be with the other man. That is why I have to stay away from him. I don't think he is now or ever was trying to seduce me, at least not after I told him I was married. Until yesterday we were just close friends that confided in each other. Now I have not only disgraced myself but I have lost a friend.
You could never realize how miserable I feel right now. I tried to call my sister in Hawaii, she will call me back, she might be able to help me get over this. I have to pull myself together before my husband gets home or he'll know something is wrong. I don't want to lie to him so I don't know what to tell him.
I am too much of a coward to take the traditional way out. I tried that before when I disgraced my family but couldn't go through with it. Maybe that time I wasn't desperate enough or miserable enough.
Zen is more of an attitude than a belief.
no one will be able to give you the answer. that you must find within. you have only been married a short time, and you are still young. there are alot of things in life that can make us feel good and bad at the same time.
ma b you should try a very romantic evening. pull out all the stops, put some fizzle into that sex life.
put on one of his button down shirts, and some very sexy panties, and serve him dinner. you will be amazed at the reaction you will get from something that simple, and when you get that reaction, you will feel good about yourself.
Love is a very strong bind. just because someone else made you feel good for a short period of time, doesnt mean that you want to be with them. you want that feeling again.
if that is not something you ever get from your husband then you should not be married. but if it is something you can get from him, the grab it by the horns and go full force.
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