He is making me nuts

**too old for this** · 05-28-2011 08:09 AM

I'm at my breaking point, my husband and I are both 46 years old, we haven't had sex in 2 1/2 years.

I went back to school full time to educate myself more in the business world, I work part time as a bookkeeper 20 hours a week. He works Full time at his job make really good money.

I can't say a word to him without him snapping at every little thing, he has been telling me and our 13 year old daughter that he is moving out for months, almost every day, I never respond to it, I just let him talk.

He doesn't do any family activity with us at us, he would rather go hang with his other married friends and do things with them, he hasn't been to our daughter's sporting events in the pass year, I am now the only one taking and watching her.

I'm at my breaking point now, because he said he was going to help his friend work on house and that he was going to stay there and instead of driving back and forth because of the gas prices (he is on vacation this week) (even though we need things done to our home)and also because its in a different county. that was on Sunday May 22, 2011, and I haven't heard from him at all.

I tried texting and calling and left messages but still hasn't returned my call or text, if he doesn't want to talk to me our daughter has a cell phone, check on her.

Since he hasn't returned my call, I left him a message not to come home, because I'm tired of this. I've talk to a few people and they think he is going through a midlife crisis. I have no clue what he doing out there. I need help, because I won't be able to afford anything without his income.

**WildChild** · 05-28-2011 08:23 AM

Is the friend female?
Since he won't talk to you, you need to talk to two people; an attorney and a counselor. Get your own bank account and get your credit separated from his. Run credit reports, if you are in the US, you are legally entitled to a free one yearly from each of the credit agencies. The FTC endorsed web site for that is, annualcreditreport dot com. Find out if he is hiding funds or debt.

Start figuring out what you need to do to support yourself and your child on your own. If he's been "on vacation", he will probably be coming back to go back to work. You are going to have to decide if you want to take him back.

**monK** · 05-28-2011 09:47 PM

I agree with WildChild. Maybe he is going through a mid-life crisis, but that's not an excuse to ignore his wife, daughter, and responsibilities. Someone I know went through a mid-life crisis and was very poised and well behaved. However, he did leave his wife for a girlfriend he met on the internet. Oh, and then the girlfriend dumped him because she discovered that he had no money due to alimony that he now pays his ex-wife. So I hope he isn't going through one of those for all of your sakes.

**too old for this** · 06-02-2011 04:58 PM

no the friend is a male, and yes, he did come back here after I told him not to come back home. I told him that I was done-but he isn't taking me seriously, he told me he pays the bills and house payment, and if he goes I will have nothing, and he told me that the only thing he will pay will be the house payment and that will be child support. I'm not happy, and he is making me crazy. I don't have the money to file for divorce and he knows that.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-03-2011 04:24 PM

You are not happy full stop... He is not happy full stop..

If I was you, I would work at getting another part time job no matter what it is, or two book keeping part time jobs if you can.

It's wrong for a man to think he can control, get even, threaten... I am sure that he would have to pay more than just the house payments, there are school fees, clothes, food on the table.

And I am pretty sure he won't give up his "good job" and claim poverty and therefore have nothing to give at all.

When the going get tough? The tough get going...Time to start to put your own plans into action and don't even think about his, with the first step obtaining more finances for you and your daugther and the second gaining emotional support from your family whilst you go through all of this.

CW

**MarkT** · 06-03-2011 10:06 PM

From a man's perspective, he feels shut out so he shuts you out. He shouldn't shut his children out, they didn't ask to be involved in the first place. He doesn't do family things because he feels like you took away his fun and now he's taking away your fun. It's a mans way of getting even with a wife who shuts them out. Just trying to explain, not saying it's okay to do.

I have felt the same way with my wife, but never shut my son out. I just show up in a different vehicle, in the past. As of late, things have been getting better since I made the effort to participate more in the same vehicle and take her out on dates with my son along too. He's 11 and kissing is gross to him! But it keeps our family together and I want that more than anything else.

Some men just cheat instead of dealing with a wife who pushes them away all the time. Rejection to a man is the worst thing a woman can do to him. It takes away everything from him, his pride, confidence, self esteem, self worth and his manhood. I wish you luck and I hope things work out for you, it's not you. It's that he feels rejected and hurt and it comes out as hurtful remarks and comments that he really doesn't mean. It's his way of lashing out at a situation he has lost all hope in, and that's knowing he can't excite his wife anymore. Lack of sex and closeness will drive a man to do desperate things, I know from experience.