Thread: where do we go from here?

Totally agree with CW. It sounds like you both have some major issues that are going to require independent work in order to get through. Together you are poisonous.

It seems pretty clear that you need counseling. Not only counseling for your lack of self worth and unhealthy image of yourself...but also for guidance on how to get your feet on the ground.

No one has NO skills. You just think so poorly of yourself that you are not able to see what you can do. There are LOTS of things you can do to make a living. Sure, it will be tough at times, but there's no doubt whatsoever that you can do it.

He has shown you more than once that he will put his hands on you. You have shown him more than once that you will stay. Now is the time to show him his behavior has repercussions and that being violent will NOT be tolerated in your life or your daughters life.

But most importantly is to raise your daughter to believe in herself, to be confident, to be ambitious............. what better way to do that than lead by example? If she sees you (and she will) thinking nothing of yourself, not believing in yourself, etc........she will not believe in herself either...and she will not think she's worth anything. You MUST lead by example. I know you want better for her..........

we both have a lot of issues, yes, you're both right about that. but we're both also trying desperately to fix them. i've actually been seeing a councelor recently but we've had so much going on i've barely had the chance to get on to more pressing matters because i'm terrified about my little girl's health. my next appointment with councelor is on the 28th, i'm pretty much stuck til then. C has asked to be referred to a councelor/therapist and should be getting a phone call to arrange an appointment later today.

i've been through a lot, admittedly, but so has he. i'm not defending him as i hate him right now, but i've caused him a lot of stress and he's always stuck by me and done a lot for me. he is controlling, but he is the first to admit it but his grandparents adopted him cos his real mom didn't want him (then, may i add, went on to have another baby -which she kept- about two years later) and he doesn't know who his dad is. we were friends before we became a couple and i have witnessed him get messed about by more than one woman and even his 'close friends' stabbed him in the back. infact, i can probably pinpoint the day he snapped and decided to take control and stop being a pushover.

my self-esteem issues are also not down to him, i promise. my brothers and i were severely neglected and abused as kids and we've all turned out the same. infact, for a while, C made me feel beautiful and strong and special. i only reverted back to my old self-depricating ways because of something i did two years ago (there is a post on it somewhere here) which i've never been able to forgive myself for. since then i have been a wreck.
as i said, since my daughter was born i've been incredibly happy, then getting smacked by her father has left me at a loss again.

half of me does believe i'm still in love with him and when he hit me the other day, it was a slap. if it was malicious, surely he would've punched me or hit me really hard. and also am i not just as bad as him for hitting him back immediately. i don't think he hit me to hurt me, i saw his face afetrwards and he looked just as shocked as i felt.
apart from putting his hands around my neck (again, two days after his best friend had suddenly died) for the briefest of seconds, he has not laid a finger on me. and trust me, there have been times when i've been such a pain, i would've slapped someone who did what i did.

we're as bad as eachother, clearly, but we're both trying to sort it out. i know he does love me after he's stood by me after so much and he's never denied hitting me, he told his parents the next day. he really has been a complete wreck since he did it, that's why i'm so confused about it all. i don't know what to think.

my thought on this matter is take you and your daughter out of there, go to a shelter for the time being and they will help you get on your feet, you dont need a control freak like him especially one that hits you for talking about something, you dont deserve trash like that and he dont deserve a good person like you, do whats best and get you and your daughter the out of there.