I don't know how to react, everythings moving too fast.

**JustKate** · 08-02-2011 06:44 PM

I just found out, like yesterday that my husband has been having an emotional affair with more than one woman in an effort to get back at me during a fight while i was gone on a trip. I don't know how to react to that and i feel so hurt and fragile right now. It only happened last night that I confronted him and we just got back from a couples communication retreat over the weekend so im really really confused now. and he said that he would delete the site where he met both of them, i have yet to confirm he actually did so without the intention of starting another one back up. but where my problem really lies is that ever since i talked to him about it and he admitted it he hasn't stopped touching me and loving on me and everything like kissing me randomly and telling me he loves me and holding my hand, rubbing my knee everything! i don't know what to do! i want to reach out and love him back but it feels like everything is too soon, i don't know how to react to being betrayed like that yet. oh btw i guess the affair has gone on for almost as long as our marriage, at least them talking has. this is our first year of marriage being on eight months the 30th. i don't want to push him away cause i don't know when ill get this back and i don't want to make him feel like he isn't trying or he's trying wrong. which he kinda is but i need some time and space. i don't know how to tell him this though. he's hinting at making love to me tonight and im scared shitless that im going to start crying or turn away from him. i don't know what to do, somebody give some advice please

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-03-2011 01:53 AM

Welcome Just Kate, I've moved your thread to your own as I think it will get more replies.

I'll certainly also have a look soon and see if I can offer my thoughts.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-03-2011 02:32 AM

Kate, I gather you two are young, 8 months married and you are seeing a couples communication retreat, good for you, in as much as communication is the biggest key.

Firstly, if you don't want sex you tell him..It's your body and you do not do what you don't want to do..

Secondly, it's a tad immature to say well I did this because you did that. But, more importantly throughout the whole marriage? Sounds to me, sorry, that he thinks that he can walk all over you and win...Do what ever he wants..

What do you do? Stand up for yourself, keep talking here with us and let us in on more of this story and see what people here have to offer you... Stand up for yourself and say, I'm sorry, I'm not in a good emotional place for intimacy, and we need to communicate this situation, 8 months, 2 girls, and supposidly to get back at me? Well that may have been the start but explain the need to continue for the whole entirety of our marriage...

Isn't it time you were able to stand up for yourself?

**ska1331** · 08-03-2011 03:06 PM

You're right that it seems to be moving fast. He knows he messed up big time and it seems that he is overwhelming you in affection right now. If he truly loves you then he will understand that you need some space. Not saying that you or he need to leave, just some breathing room. With any physical injury you need to give it time to heal, stay off it or limited use of that area. The same is true for an emotional injury. Just because he cant see the injury doesnt mean you dont have one. Communicate honestly with him, tell him you love him ( if you truly do), but need a little emotion space to heal. He will still need to earn back that trust tho. From past experience, it takes along time to trust again, but if you both love each other, this hurt came heal. It will take lots of communication, patience and love, but it can be done.