confused and little frustrated...

**Trishlm89** · 08-18-2011 08:11 PM

So, my fiance and I are completely happy. We have our days but all in all we are absolutely in love. Anyways, here's the thing. He has this crazy ex. I'm not going to go all in to detail but she's actually married. The day me and my fiancee started dating she messeged me on facebook and basically tried to break us up. She has constantly, through our relationship, try to contact him and try and break us up.
It obviously hasn't worked and he has remained faithful to me.
Because he got so frustrated with her always trying to talk to him, I took it upon myself to go on facebook and just block her. That way he and i wouldn't have to deal with her.
Well, I get bored and tend to go on his facebook just to creep on his friends. It sounds lame but that's how i am, lame! lol
I found out that he had unblocked this ex. I was a little confused so i did it again to see how long it took him to realize. Went on later today and she was unblocked again.
So, this is my problem. I'm just really confused and I'd rather talk about it on here than to go after him. We already almost broke everything off b/c he thought i couldn't trust him. So i don't want to bring this up to him and make it seem like i don't trust him b/c i do. I'm just a little confused to why he would want to look at her page even.
Any advice?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-18-2011 09:00 PM

So he obviously knows you get on his Facebook. But I'm gonna be 100% honest here, I don't think you're logging in just for kicks, I think you have doubts that you're not ready to acknowledge and that is your way of trying to provide yourself some reassurance. Finding out that he unblocked his ex did not give you the reassurance you were looking for, only confirmed your fears.

Do some soul searching here.. do you really trust him? There is no right or wrong answer. You're not a bad girlfriend for not trusting your boyfriend if he has given you reason not to trust him.

Anyway, he knows you get on his Facebook. He obviously knows you're blocking his ex, otherwise how would he know to unblock her? So why not calmly ask him about it? "I blocked ____ from your Facebook because I was tired of her contacting you and causing so much frustration for us. But I notice you've unblocked her now twice. If you WANT her on your friends list that's your business, but it's a little confusing to me and I"d like to get your perspective on it." He's obviously either viewing her page regularly or communicating with her regularly to even know she'd been blocked. And, I'm also suspicious because if I were to go to someone's page on Facebook and all of a sudden noticed I didn't have access to their page, I'd TOTALLY assume they had deleted me. I would never in a million years think to go check and see if they had been blocked.

Often time the other woman gets all the blame for "trying to break up" a man and his gf, when in reality, she's getting false hope and feedback from the guy. That may not be the case at all here, but if I were you I'd have to talk to him about it. Don't surpress issues when your instincts are screaming at you, just because you're afraid he'll break up with you. That's no way to live...

If he was TRULY frustrated with her always triyng to talk to him, he'd have blocked her himself. Right?

**JadedQueen** · 08-20-2011 05:29 AM

Is there any possibility that his ex knows his login name and password on facebook and perhaps she is the one logging on to his account and unblocking herself?

**Little** · 08-20-2011 08:42 AM

When someone is blocked on facebook, they "cease to exist." It's very different from just getting deleted.

What constitutes "trying to break you up?" I'm married and friends with almost all of my exes on facebook. I talk to them from time to time, but I'm certainly not trying to break anybody up.

I agree with BD, that you aren't being trusting of him. If you're on his facebook, you could see if he's been contacting her. If he's contacting her and then deleting it, that means a trust problem for BOTH of you. This is something that needs to be worked out.

**oxy-moron** · 08-20-2011 03:46 PM

This is very early on in a relationship to be playing these games.
You need to sit down and sort this with your boyfriend.
You could well be sharing him for a long time if he is not strong enough to walk away from his evil ex.

**stressed** · 08-21-2011 03:18 PM

THIS:

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Often time the other woman gets all the blame for "trying to break up" a man and his gf, when in reality, she's getting false hope and feedback from the guy. That may not be the case at all here, but if I were you I'd have to talk to him about it. Don't surpress issues when your instincts are screaming at you, just because you're afraid he'll break up with you. That's no way to live...

If he was TRULY frustrated with her always triyng to talk to him, he'd have blocked her himself. Right?

For a 'completely happily engaged couple' this is not good.

- First you have an agreement that the ex will be out of your lives forever, but he brings her back, which makes him dishonest, and gives you reasons to doubt his trust.
- Then you go through his FB (insecurity, jealously, lack of trust).
- You don't talk to each other about the situation, he keeps unblocking her and you keep blocking her, as if this is a game.

How do you see this sorting itself out if you won't have an open talk about it? It doesn't matter that she's married, anything can happen with anyone and this grip she has on him doesn't become any loose because she's married and he's engaged. It might as well make it more exciting that they talk in secret.

You say "i don't want to bring this up to him and make it seem like i don't trust him b/c i do": I don't see how (and I don't see why you should with this kind of behavior). You don't want to marry someone and spend every day going through his FB to confirm whether he's been telling you the truth or not, this lifestyle is draining. Sort this out together, the ex can easily be out of your lives if he really wants her to, but she'll always return if he lets her return. It's his responsibility to keep her away, neither hers nor yours.

**Trishlm89** · 08-24-2011 11:57 PM

Sorry it's been awhile i've been really busy. Anyways, so we talked about it. He told me the only reason he keeps unblocking her is b/c of her son. Her son is not my fiance's kid but when the two were dating he treated the boy as if he was his. He got really attached to the kid and does really love the little boy. So, he just wants to see how he is and what not. He said that it has nothing to do with her just the kid.
Knowing my fiance's background and what hes been through, and knowing how bad he wants kids I completely understand.

I really should've known because he always tells me when she trys calling, texting, or messages him. and shows me every message she sends him and what he sends back.
but thank you everyone for you're advice.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-25-2011 06:38 AM

How old is the kid? I would just think that the problems caused by his ex would outweigh and satisfaction he'd get from periodically catching a pic of the kid posted on this girls Facebook. I'd also question why he didn't just tell you that when he noticed you'd blocked her. And if not the first time, especially the second time. Sorry, but it sounds fishy to me. I hope it's not. At least you all talked and you feel better about it. I hope it turns out for the best.

**stressed** · 08-26-2011 04:21 PM

The ex tried to break you up through facebook but suddenly he uses facebook for the kid. I don't see why the contact has to be made through facebook, if he cares so much he should visit/call her son instead. If she's all that crazy about breaking you two up facebook is a risk.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-27-2011 11:16 AM

Could she be using that poor kid as a crutch to keep them in communication with each other? How long were they together and how old is the kid? If he is not the kids father, if they were not together a substantial number of years in which the kid misses him excessively -- its probably unhealthy to keep himself in their lives. The kid probably has a father, the mom has or will have other boyfriends and then there's this guy she once use to date that he's got to keep up with?

If the child was like old enough to bond with him, AND remember him AND spent years with him then yes, checking into say hi is a good thing, like a family friend. But if the child was an infant.. and they were only together a short time, and your bf is the only one attached -- it would be selfish of him to push his way into this kids life in any form if they have no intentions of getting back together.

It could be a coppout to explain away why he's still talking to her... but only you can know that for sure. And you won't know that by snooping.. you'll know it by the way he treats you and makes you feel, by how many interruptions he allows this woman to serve to your relationship etc.