Really sorry to hear this... it really sucks (what an understatement) when you find something like this out.
In any case we're all stronger than we think, and while you might feel like you couldn't possibly stand up to your husband you can, and that's what I suggest. You've lost all your dignity and pride over the years and if anything could, telling him exactly what you feel could give that back to you.
If I were in your shoes I'd wait only long enough for the initial shock to subside so fury can come in and take over.
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