My wife caught me masturbating and now she says she is disgusted.

**Help_me_please** · 08-22-2011 03:06 PM

Dear Womens Health and viewers. I have a serious problem. Yesterday my wife was in the shower and I was watching some porn because I was horny and I told my wife that I was. She got out of the shower and caught me masturbating in the living room. She is now extremely upset and even said she is disgusted. I have appolgized several times. In the past she has even told me to go masturbate when I am horny and she is tired. I have tried to express my appology to her but she will not calm down about this. She says she knows it is normal for men to do this. I asked her how long till she will be happy again and she said she does not know because she doesn't know how long it will take to get what she saw out of her head. I really need some womens help. What do I do? Thank you all for your time.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-22-2011 05:59 PM

Well, what can do you? What's done is done. Obviously for whatever reason, catching you doing that was traumatic for her. Perhaps she doesn't mind you doing it, just didn't expect to find you doing it to porn while she was in the shower and could walk out at any time.

Is she disgusted because you were watching porn? I was always more bothered by the idea of my boyfriend pleasing himself to another woman, than I was to the actual masturbation.

"How long until you're happy again?" I mean honestly, do you think she has a timer set? If she's bothered by this, the more you bug her about it and ask her when she's going to be over it, the worse it's going to get. Be open and honest with her, tell her you thought she was totally fine with it. There's nothing else you can do in my opinion.

**stressed** · 08-22-2011 06:16 PM

Would she be against shower sex? Why not join her in the shower or wait until she comes out to have sex with her? Did she say she was tired and wouldn't be interested in anything?

Since masturbation is something one does alone, unless it involves the other partner either practically or visually, it's understandable she was surprised. As for disgusted, did she mean porn or specifically you masturbating in the living room?

If it was a traumatic experience for her it will take at least a few days to move on, so you have to be patient and wait without nagging at her to forget about it and apologize, as this only makes it worse. But, yes, be honest to her and say you thought she was alright with it.

**Filo** · 08-23-2011 02:43 AM

Hello, I dont like when my husband do it alone, by I like to participate and watch, its more intimate when the wife sees and participates.
Why don´t you try to make her enjoy it? you are a couple, there is nothing wrong with making sexual entertainment with each other, she may well have been disgusted because she never saw masturbation as being made for the two lovers to have another kind of pleasure. Try it ist so worthy!

**haa** · 08-23-2011 09:13 AM

i feel thier is nothing wrong with watching porn and men doing their own thing,all men watch porn ,and sometimes they just want to do their own thing . i enjoy watching my husand and watching porn with him and i also do my own thing and so does he.

**newmommy532011** · 08-24-2011 11:56 PM

Maybe she feels like she isn't pleasing you. Talk to her about it, see why she says she is disgusted by it. When I caught my husband doing it I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. He tells me he likes the way woman moan. That's one of his turn ons. He likes making me moan more than anything lol. He and I now watch porn together and then he makes me moan and it turns out to be a great sex night. Try talking to her calmly and not bug her about it, just try to be nice to her. Hope this helped

**jns** · 08-25-2011 12:19 AM

Originally Posted by Help_me_please

Dear Womens Health and viewers. I have a serious problem. Yesterday my wife was in the shower and I was watching some porn because I was horny and I told my wife that I was. She got out of the shower and caught me masturbating in the living room. She is now extremely upset and even said she is disgusted. I have appolgized several times. In the past she has even told me to go masturbate when I am horny and she is tired. I have tried to express my appology to her but she will not calm down about this. She says she knows it is normal for men to do this. I asked her how long till she will be happy again and she said she does not know because she doesn't know how long it will take to get what she saw out of her head. I really need some womens help. What do I do? Thank you all for your time.

Why was she disgusted? Was it because you were watching porn or was it because she saw you physically masturbating? Or was it that she wanted sex and you were being selfish? The fact that she told you to go masturbate before changes things somewhat. Unless you have aids to masturbate with, masturbating can be very difficult to finish (I found this out making a sample using no aids for a semen analysis test in Thailand years ago, later in the USA it was much better because of magazines). Do you have racy pictures of her you could have used? How did she expect you to masturbate when she told you to go masturbate before? It sounds like she was unrealistic in those cases and may be being unrealistic now. If it was the physical act, does she find sex somewhat disgusting? It can be messy. Or did she want sex?

**rcoreyus** · 08-28-2011 11:31 PM

I don't see anything at all wrong with someone masturbating if their partner is not available for sex. If you were masturbating at a time when she was willing to have sex, that would be different.

**Little** · 08-29-2011 08:48 AM

Sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I agree with jns - she's being unrealistic. She had no reason to blow up like that, and she should respect your sexual needs and feelings.