First pregnancy, not feeling very sexual, DH sneaking porn

**anthropologist** · 08-31-2011 11:21 AM

jns: He is able to masturbate in the shower just fine--he doesn't have a problem with it. He says he uses the porn because it's faster, but I don't want him to become dependent on it which he seems to do. Once he starts, it becomes somewhat compulsive. I think the biggest issue is that he hasn't even bothered to come to me first--I can't remember the last time he's even asked me for sex--he just waits for me to initiate. I let him know that , especially now since I'm feeling more sexual, he should feel comfortable enough to approach me first. We had lots of sex before and after getting married. The biopsies all happened within a nine month period, during which much of the time I was not allowed to have sex. The pregnancy came shortly after the last biopsy, so it's been a rough year for us sexually. But again, he says he wants me to be more affectionate, etc., but he has yet to ask me to do anything for him. And yes, I do visually stimulate him, but he deletes the pics I send him. He's afraid to keep pics of me but he's ok with having 200+ videos on his computer. He did tell me that he deleted the videos--I did not ask him to, but honestly I don't see why anybody needs 200+ blowjob videos! He has agreed that he will approach me first before taking care of himself.

**anthropologist** · 08-31-2011 11:31 AM

stressed: My husband is a testosterone factory, so yeah, he would like to have sex all the time, which is not possible, but we've always done what we could. Yes, the last year has been rough emotionally and physically, and therefore sexually as well--there were months where I was not allowed to have sex because of my procedures. He said he's fine with the shower, porn is just faster. Like I mentioned above, he hasn't asked me for anything sexual--I guess that's what hurts the most. Instead of trying or asking, he would sneak downstairs. Well, what if I felt frisky that morning? We can't even begin to have a "stable sex life" unless I'm the first one he turns to when he wants sex. I don't think there's a self-confidence issue with the porn because I've seen the girls in those videos and he's certainly not watching videos based on attractiveness of the girls. :P The videos I've bought have better looking people!

We have talked more and he has agreed to be more open about how he's feeling and to approach me first. I do want him to feel comfortable talking to me about sex in general, what he wants, etc. I think that's new for him, so it will take some work.

ska1331: Thank you for the congrats! I do think communication is the biggest issue when it comes to sex and we have discussed that we need to work on that.

**jns** · 09-01-2011 11:48 PM

Originally Posted by anthropologist

jns: He is able to masturbate in the shower just fine--he doesn't have a problem with it. He says he uses the porn because it's faster, but I don't want him to become dependent on it which he seems to do. Once he starts, it becomes somewhat compulsive. I think the biggest issue is that he hasn't even bothered to come to me first--I can't remember the last time he's even asked me for sex--he just waits for me to initiate. I let him know that , especially now since I'm feeling more sexual, he should feel comfortable enough to approach me first. We had lots of sex before and after getting married. The biopsies all happened within a nine month period, during which much of the time I was not allowed to have sex. The pregnancy came shortly after the last biopsy, so it's been a rough year for us sexually. But again, he says he wants me to be more affectionate, etc., but he has yet to ask me to do anything for him. And yes, I do visually stimulate him, but he deletes the pics I send him. He's afraid to keep pics of me but he's ok with having 200+ videos on his computer. He did tell me that he deleted the videos--I did not ask him to, but honestly I don't see why anybody needs 200+ blowjob videos! He has agreed that he will approach me first before taking care of himself.

With him deleting the pictures of you but using pictures of others I can see why you are upset at him. I also find pregnant women very sexy, it would seem that he may not.