Thread: First pregnancy, not feeling very sexual, DH sneaking porn

It sounds like he's desensitized himself enough that it's hard for him to climax without the friction of his (or your) hand.

If you told him to at least delete the history so you don't have to see it, that's not telling him not to do it. Setting an hour rule of "no masturbation within 12 hours of sex with me". Why? What's that rule for? Seems like one made to be broken.

I think you need to have a heart to heart with him. You're pregnant, you're going to be feeling all sorts of things and you need his support. He needs to understand how this is making you feel. But you first need to decide how you feel about it. You can't tell him one minute, you don't care but just to delete the history of it so you don't see it (no one makes you check the history though right? , and then the next minute be angry with him for doing it.

Me? Personally? I'd be highly offended if my husband routinely chose that over me. BUT, if he knew you had been feeling cruddy, and you're not initiating it with him, I can see where he'd think "Eh..I'm just not gonna bother her..".

When I told him to delete his browsing history, we were just dating, and I wasn't checking it--everytime I opened a new tab in IE, it would show his most frequently visited/recently visited sites. Since then, I have had multiple heart to hearts with him about his making a morning habit of it, and he says he'll stop but he just keeps going back. I told him that I already felt insecure because of the cervical procedures I had, and it just made me feel worse about myself when he turns to the porn. Why can't he just do it in the shower? Why does he have to watch the videos without me? I never set a "rule" of 12 hours--I merely told him that his masturbating the morning after we had sex the night before made me feel like the sex wasn't good enough for him.

I never set a "rule" of 12 hours--I merely told him that his masturbating the morning after we had sex the night before made me feel like the sex wasn't good enough for him.

Ahh, I see. That makes more sense. I can understand that perspective. I just didn't get the "12 hour" thing.

and it just made me feel worse about myself when he turns to the porn

I can also understand that. I think many women here can relate to that.

I have mixed feelings about porn. But I do know that deep down in my heart if the man I loved was turning to that instead of me, or treating it as some sort of addiction or sneaky habit, I'd be devastated. I'd also be devastated if he jumped out of the bed in the mornings to go partake in that, rather than sharing that time with me. I'm pretty sure I'd be disgusted by it actually.

So if you feel like you've exhausted your efforts talking to him, then there's not a lot you can do. Maybe try a different way of communicating. Maybe type up something on a word document, expressing your feelings of hurt, betrayal, low self esteem, etc etc as a result of this behavior and leave it pulled up on the screen so in the morning when he goes to do his thing, it's the first thing he'll see. Sometimes when "talking" doesn't do the trick, you have to communicate in a different way. I just think there's a chance he see's this as more you "nagging" or trying to control him, and he needs to realize to what extent this is affecting you. This time should be such a happy time for you, being pregnant and all.....