Don't want to be around him anymore.

**4eyemommy** · 08-29-2011 04:27 AM

For the past 2 weeks every single time my husband walks into the room I think right off the bat, "Get away." I just can't stand being around him. And when its time to sleep he is all over me (he calls it cuddling, I call is suffocation.) Iam a little 5 1', 130 lb. woman and hes 2 times biger than me. I ask him to back off so I can get some sleep and he never listens, not only that but sex is really bad. Iam not attracted to him anymore and most of the time I just give it up just so he can shut - up about it. I feel bad for feeling this way and I tried to take to him about it. He just blows up in my face and starts to say "Well if you don't like it you can leave." So you can see that Iam stuck between a rook and a hard place and I need some insite on this matter.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-29-2011 06:59 AM

This sounds bad. It's not fair for him to be with someone that doesn't want him around, doesn't want to be close with him etc. But it's also not fair for you to be with someone you're not excited to be around and love to snuggle up too. I like my space in bed as well. I cannot stand for someone to be all over me. That's a quirk. But that's different than dreading someone's presence.

What are some things that he's doing that you'd like him to change?

**jns** · 08-29-2011 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by 4eyemommy

For the past 2 weeks every single time my husband walks into the room I think right off the bat, "Get away." I just can't stand being around him. And when its time to sleep he is all over me (he calls it cuddling, I call is suffocation.) Iam a little 5 1', 130 lb. woman and hes 2 times biger than me. I ask him to back off so I can get some sleep and he never listens, not only that but sex is really bad. Iam not attracted to him anymore and most of the time I just give it up just so he can shut - up about it. I feel bad for feeling this way and I tried to take to him about it. He just blows up in my face and starts to say "Well if you don't like it you can leave." So you can see that Iam stuck between a rook and a hard place and I need some insite on this matter.

How was it before? How did it come to this? How long have you two been married? Why don't you take his suggestion about leaving? How are you stuck?

**4eyemommy** · 08-29-2011 08:13 AM

OK, my husband and I have been married for two years. I have no idea how it started or why but it just has. I love my husband and he loves me back and its not only me who doesn't want the other to leave them alone time to time, I just have the feeling more than he does. I love to snuggle with him but sometimes hes the one all over me not the other way around and I get crushed and uncomfortable. And I would like to add that we don't mind spending time away from each other, AT ALL. I just don't want this, what ever it is, to cause us to become more like house mates than a married couple.

**jns** · 08-29-2011 03:26 PM

Are you claustrophobic? If you are claustrophobic, your husband's size so close to you could cause a phobia driven panic attack. Such situations tend to worsen over time. If you are the initiator of the snuggling, you control it in a way that doesn't trigger the panic. Just throwing out an idea.

Have you examined the situation where you are the initiator of snuggling and where your husband is the initiator? Have you broke everything down into component parts and determined what ones you dislike the most?

An alternate explanation is that you like to be in control, so everything about your husband being an initiator is bad. This does not have to be based in your conscious mind.

A third explanation is that your husband is boorish by nature and is a brute. Are all his interactions with you in a rough manner?

**4eyemommy** · 08-29-2011 03:48 PM

Um no I am not claustrophobic nor do I like to take control. In fact I like when he gets overbearing, well use to anyway. He is never hard or as you call it acts like a brute. Its just that he gets on my nerves and when I tell him to get off, having sex or not, he never listens. And while on the subject of sex there is NO foreplay what so ever. Just wam, bam, thank you ma'am and I never get off, I have to do that by myself later on.So intimacy is over. I also like to point out we don't mind spending time away from each other AT ALL. So yeah I am trying to get my husband and I to possibly see a marriage counselor but I wanted to get someone who I have to pay an arm and a leg for to give me a 3rd view on this matter. (We're both willing to try to change for the other but old habits die hard.)

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-29-2011 04:28 PM

But something had to change. Sooo....what was it?

Either A. Behavior changed or B. Feelings changed or BOTH.

If the answer is A, this is more easil fixable with some compromise and cooperation.
If the answer is B, that requires some soul searching and self reflection to decide if they feelings can be rekindled. But this is a much tougher scenario.

**stressed** · 08-31-2011 07:12 AM

How much time of the day do you spend in the same room, within visible distance from each other? It's like you've had too much of him and that usually happens when couples spend TOO much time in the same space.

**4eyemommy** · 08-31-2011 04:45 PM

He works all day, he goes to work at 8 and comes home at 8:30. When he comes home I am in bed already and in the morning we only spend 15 to 20 mins. together. I don't really want him to change anything, there is nothing to change beside him getting off of me at night, other than that he doesn't really do anything but sit on the sofa all day if he is home or works. And don't get me wrong I know I have to change some things too but like I said we don't really spend all that much time together for me to know what to change.