Fiances Father A Terrible Influence

**Tucci** · 09-06-2011 03:53 PM

I guess I come here in desperation, seeking advice.

Last year, my fiance battled drug addiction. I helped him through it, everything was on the road to being normal again. Recently, he has come to me saying his father has been giving him stuff under everyone's nose. I was upset, but couldn't be mad at my fiance, he's still in recovery, and vulnerable. I'm beyond angry with his father however!

His father too has seen the effects drug use can have on the family, his wife recently found out about his secret vices, and filed a restraining order. He somehow managed to lie, and sugarcoat everything to his wife, to where she believes he is clean (lovely influence isn't he?). He is far from it. This is a seperate issue i've felt conflicted over, I feel so bad for his wife. But it's not my place.

My fiance has come to me, frustrated, upset, desperate. He does not want to go down that road, he just doesn't have the willpower. He says he needs them just to feel normal, he doesn't even get a boost, or pep out of it now. It's a solo battle, but surely he can do without the outside influences. Him and his father have been working out of town together for the past month, letting them be free to binge on what have you. I can't tell him to stay away from his father. They work together, they're family. I can't ask his father to stop, it's "not my place". And I definitely cannot go to my fiance's mother, as she is blind to ALL of this, and I would be held responsible for ruining their family. My fiance does not have the schedule to check into rehab, he's not in that place financially, work doesnt allow for it.

What can I do? Am I powerless here? I worry for the future too. I do NOT want my children growing up in a household where drugs are so openly done and discussed. Even with my fiance clean, he will always be an addict. I do not want his father to be influencing my kids, or their father.

**Claret** · 09-06-2011 04:43 PM

You don't really have much of a choice except to take a hard and fast stance against his drug use. You should be mad at your fiance, and you should tell him how mad and disappointed you are. Help him find a rehab and the couselling that he requires. He can only get sober for himself, and you can't do it for him. You also cannot control how he interacts with his family. You need to get help for yourself as well. You need to know that things you do may very well be enabling him.

Let us know what you decide to do.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-09-2011 08:17 PM

I agree with Claret, in as much as you can't sit back and watch. If you make a stand he will know that it is un-acceptable, to you, to your future...That he has to be strong and tell his Father "no" but thank you. He is not his Father, remind him of that and he doesn't have to be like him either.

Can he break free and work for someone else?

Feeding an addict usually means you want someone to keep you company because you are one yourself...

That's using your fiance...for his own self gain.

CW