Having an affair....need help!

**rcoreyus** · 09-18-2011 10:46 PM

As an aside, no one in the developed world should need to tolerate a partner with bad hygiene.

**theSophist** · 09-20-2011 03:24 AM

Blb25, I am wondering why you got married if you admit to having a wild streak in you? Perhaps, it is not wild streak, but instead simply that you are a young woman who might want to experience life and people a little more before you settle down? It is unfortunate what has happened, but all aside, I beleive you just need to go out and live your life. Don't you want to find someone who you love and are attracted to and can 'talk to for hours' and have wonderful sex with? Go out there and experience it and don't get married! For the sake of both of you, just end the marriage, it's obviously in tatters...you just need to bite the bullet and hurt him to save both of you in the long run. We've all doen it before and it's the hardest part. I truly believe trying to work on it will be a watse of time and energy especially if one party is reluctant/has not time. That is a sure sign in itself! I'm sorry If i've been harsh but I, too am a 24 year old girl in a wonderful relationship and there is no way i would ruin that with a marriage! Not this young anyways. Good luck, lass. Get back to enjoying life!

**Seeker_Advice** · 09-20-2011 06:41 AM

I want to work it out, I believe it can be salvaged, but we both have to put in 100%.

Really? This is what you truly believe?

Obviously, your actions say something completely different.

Do the right thing...go to your husband, face him and tell him that you want a divorce.

**jns** · 10-24-2011 02:49 PM

Has there been any changes lately?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-24-2011 03:12 PM

I think you two were are mis-matched, it seems that you are not free to be you, whilst he is also not free to be him, frankly if he was mine and didn't have a shower after 2 days, I would be repulsed...

He is saying "no" to almost all that there is... Makes it hard because it takes two to make things work..

I also think he is depressed, no shower, no eating right, no reason to, I am no one.

What does he do for a living? What are his passions in life? Hobbies? Without passions, there is no love of life and so, it is just lived.

Yet, someone who encourages without them realising, and can turn their life around with passion can change a person back to who they were.

Marriage I think you hold sacred, as the meaning and consequently, whilst you rebel, to feel free, you are fighting for something you believe in, maybe though not the person, fighting for the person.... Think on that and see if you come to a conclusion there.

**Goosey** · 10-24-2011 10:53 PM

I'm going to pipe in on this one, because I've been in a similar situation.

About 2 years ago, I was dating my current bf, but was completely unhappy with it. Partly the situation, but partly with him. We lived an hour away, and it was basically like he made zero effort to talk. We did see each other once every 1-2 weeks, but that was about it. I knew that he was the type of guy that is great for me, but I've always had issues with controversy and have a hard time bringing things up when I'm hurt by something. I typically let it fester, and then its just bad. I tried to talk to him about it, and he'd just tell me I was silly or over-reacting. I really just wanted someone to talk to (this was around the same time all my friends moved away, and I was pretty much alone). Even when I tried to tell him about my day or vent he'd just say, "I don't want to hear about it, its too sad" (I work in a sad job, but sometimes I need to let it out).

I was at a point where I was frustrated. I knew he was unhappy, and so was I (with life circumstances at the time). I knew this wasn't the type of person he was, and was dealing with a lot at the time. But I felt just lost and alone. This is when I started going to chat rooms and simply chatting to people. It got to the point in which I was sharing intimate things with someone that wasn't my bf. It made me ok with the complacency of our relationship. He ended up searching through my emails and finding some of these things.

It never went beyond words, but it was an absolutely awful thing to do.

I was at complete fault, because I was unhappy - I should have stressed it more or ended things before I did anything. I've never done a thing since, and I am STILL fighting to gain the trust I ruined. After this I had completely re-thought my views, my self, and my relationship.

If you are unhappy, and he is unwilling to change and you are unwilling to stop having an affair -- the relationship NEEDS to end. If you want to make it work, you need to stop having an affair. If you cannot be happy with your husband alone, it needs to end --- you need to be fair to your husband and end things if you are not happy.