Dealing with the ex and our kids

**Etain2** · 09-23-2011 07:27 AM

Thank you

................ I can't tell you how good I feel reading all what people have to say.

**Etain2** · 09-23-2011 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

Hi
Police have a very high incidence of Mental health issues and control issues- it shows through in a very high suicide rate. He is obviously in more fortunate position from a child time perspective.
You cannot control that so you are going to be stuck trying to make the best of a bad situation.
You need to get yourself a new partner to provide a distraction and purpose to your life.
Dont let your children run your life- they dont know the full story.

Thank you

Sometimes I tell myself that God only gives us what we can handle and he couldn't handle being a cop and trying to be a good dad. As I said my kids are good students and good athletes which fuels his narcissistic need. Not my diaganosis of him I used to just call him Archie Bunker and he is a horder to so I would say my yard looked like Sanford and son

married to a landscaper and my yard looked like a junk yard

..... I will keep the focus on the kids, I like the idea of the pictures on the garage door I may just use that and keep photos of them above my visor as a reminder how lucky I am for having them. I will buy that book too for my nook that I recently got!! I am glad I found a place to come and ask advice from people who have been there!

**jns** · 09-26-2011 02:07 PM

Don't get in competition with him. It will not work out for you as it rarely does for the breadwinner in a one income family. Instead, focus on the children as others have said.

I doubt he has quit working his side jobs, just made it less obvious. I also find it curious that there are no desk jobs for him. Try to avoid him at school functions. Find out if your children want you to show up and put it on them to keep their father in line if they want you to be there along with him. They have made their choice for the most part. They need to learn choices come with consequences. You could just not go, but then you are the bad one. At 12 and 14 they should be able to understand what is going on. Going and suffering insults and threats is not good for your self esteem. If you let him destroy you, will it help your children? You could cut back on the number of events you show up for. And start looking for a bf if you are up for it. You could move out of town to make some of these things easier.

**Etain2** · 09-27-2011 08:22 AM

Don't get in competition with him. It will not work out for you as it rarely does for the breadwinner in a one income family. Instead, focus on the children as others have said.

***I know this is the BEST advise, very hard sometimes when I get overwhelmed but I am just going to keep trying.

I doubt he has quit working his side jobs, just made it less obvious.

***You are right about that but it'll cost me a private investigator and court fees to prove it and I just can't afford it right now.

I also find it curious that there are no desk jobs for him.
***Thats the Police Union for you! Very frustrating!!

Try to avoid him at school functions. Find out if your children want you to show up and put it on them to keep their father in line if they want you to be there along with him.

***I've been doing the above since I left because he loves to taunt me.

They have made their choice for the most part. They need to learn choices come with consequences. You could just not go, but then you are the bad one. At 12 and 14 they should be able to understand what is going on. Going and suffering insults and threats is not good for your self esteem. If you let him destroy you, will it help your children? You could cut back on the number of events you show up for.

****I love that you said that!! If I let him destroy me what good am I for my kids!!

And start looking for a bf if you are up for it.
**** I have dated but find either the smoothering ones that want ALL my free time or the ones that call when they feel like it lol maybe I'll get lucky sooner or later, but I'll keep my eye open cause I really could use a nice distraction!!

You could move out of town to make some of these things easier.

**** I can't move, its 50/50 custody and we have to live in the same town.