What To Do?

**DSemcho** · 09-27-2011 03:33 PM

Okay, well I'll give you a little back story first. I'm 23, turning 24 in November, and currently on my second marriage, the first one ended because of the wife of one of his friends convincing him I cheated while I was gone when I hadn't. While we were separated, waiting for the divorce, I started dating my current hubby. And shortly after the divorce was final (There was 7 months between the day he left me and the day the divorce was finalized) we got married. 8 months after we got married, we moved to Turkey because he got stationed here, he's in the Air Force and is turning 27 in January. We've been married for about 13 1/2 months, and nothing about me has changed, not my weight, personality or anything. But then all of a sudden one day, I tried dressing up for him and twice he turned me down, and not only that but we only have sex maybe once a week - once a month. I finally got out of him that it's because he's not physically attracted to me. He said he loves who I am, but he is just not physically attracted to me. I'm not sure what I should do about this, and it is definitely breaking me and has even affected my libido. He told me this about 3 weeks ago, and in the past two weeks I haven't even wanted to have sex with him.

**jns** · 09-27-2011 08:11 PM

I think you made the wrong choice for a second husband and he made the wrong choice for a wife. As bad as it is, you should probably get a divorce. He may love who you are and he may love you, but he is not head over heels in love with you, because I think he would be physically attracted to you if he was.

**DSemcho** · 09-28-2011 04:18 AM

Well he's never told me he wasn't attracted to me until recently, so no I didn't make a bad choice. He is a really good guy - he's a lot more caring than most other guys. And he actually does housework when I'm to busy or when I'm sick. He's even hinted that if I were smaller he'd be more attracted to me. And we still have sex and all, and actually since he told me that we've had sex more.

**KMonte85** · 09-28-2011 06:47 AM

You mentioned you haven't changed physically since you've been married. How could he have married you at the size you are and then miraculously a year later decide that you're not attractive to him? And to tell you that being smaller would make him more sexually attracted to you is a cop out... if that's the case, then why was he sexually attracted to you before?

Something seems a bit "off" with his excuse for his recent behaviour...

**DSemcho** · 09-28-2011 08:40 AM

It's plausible he wasn't attracted to me physically in the first place. When we got together I had been planning on losing the weight, but things over the past year have prevented that.

**KMonte85** · 09-28-2011 09:22 AM

Then why was he attracted to you enough to make you his wife, and now 1 year later, you're not good enough? I just think that is soooo schiesty to do to someone you love. But I guess that's neither here nor there, since there's nothing one can do about their past and you're already married.

If he wants to be so blunt as to tell you he's not attracted to you as his reason for turning down sex, then he should be man enough to tell you why and when he's feelings changed instead of making you feel ugly and insecure, and then walking off without a discussion. The guessing game of him hinting at your weight isn't fair to you. This man is supposed to be your husband and if he's unattracted to you, his wife, then some serious communication needs to be had if you want to stay together.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-28-2011 03:30 PM

It seems on a good note, that he fell for the person "inside" you as a person, which is a good thing.

But, it seems that in that, he was never happy with your weight..

My ex-brother-in-law is like that, yet he ended up with the woman whom was his "friend" for years, who liked him or should I say loved him, and she is over weight, that doesn't mean he treats her totally as he should and your husband isn't either.

He has zero interest in a woman over-weight which is calous because it's judgemental, his preference, he did half good but the other half of him sucks.

What to do? Sure go lose all that weight and look like some model or actress on TV and get all the sex you want, and then look at the picture then...Soooo he only likes my body? He's going to send you into a tailspin either way.

What JNS and KM stated is - a "husband" loves you for all of you, not half of you. That is true love, found the right one.

**DSemcho** · 09-29-2011 04:17 AM

I don't want to get model skinny, or like an actress. I want to get down to 160/150.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-29-2011 04:41 AM

Well that is good you know what YOU want...

Now, will he be happy with that or is he superficial? He met you, fell for you, you...You have a right to be you and lose the weight you want FOR YOU, not for someone else..

I am pleased that you have visions for you.....