new problems with cheating husband

**gccg** · 09-28-2011 02:01 PM

My husband told me that he wants me to think of sex as just sex....not good huh? and that if I wont go through with it we will just go back to our old life and do nothing!
I think he is trying to use guilt as a tool to convince me but he is just pushing me away. i reminded him that our old life wasn't enough for him, hence, the affair.. He is upset but has dropped it for now.

**Crystalblue** · 09-28-2011 02:10 PM

I get the feeling he's doing this to try and take some of the guilt off himself. I could be wrong, but it seems like if he can get you to see sex as unemotional, then he has nothing to feel bad about. He might be trying to convince himself too.

**gccg** · 09-29-2011 08:43 AM

You make a good point. He won't let the idea of a threesome go, even after I put my foot down. Just yesterday he asked if he could get me laid. I told him no and he asked :what if I want you too". To which I replied, no! Since yesterday he has been arguing with me and has been telling me that I have reverted back to my old ways, blah blah and everything is my fault.
When I asked him to stop and to stop making excuses to fight with me, I also pointed out that he has acted like prince charming since he came home because he thought I was going to fullfill that fantasy and now that he knows I am not, he is treating me bad. He went into another fury.. I am at work and received about twelve texts in ten minutes. I do not think I can do this much longer.

**DSemcho** · 09-29-2011 08:47 AM

I'd let him know that you aren't comfortable with some of the things he would want to do. And there he's the only guy you want to be with. I had to deal with my ex husband asking me, at least twice a week, for a threesome only because he found out I was bisexual. It drove me nuts. So just because he did that, I told him I wanted a threesome with him and another guy, which made him angry. And I pointed out that it wasn't fair he wanted one but I couldn't want one... But he still bugged me about it, even tried to get me to sleep with my pregnant best friend... I smacked him good for that one.

**KMonte85** · 09-29-2011 08:53 AM

My goodness, gc. Kudos to you for being able to keep it together during his temper tantrums and emotional barrages. You are a strong woman and you should be proud of that!

You've made it painfully clear that you will not participate in a threesome and if that is what he requires then the only option is a divorce.

That didn't seem to be enough for him to stop guilt tripping you and going into a fury. He is acting terribly towards you. He shows no remorse for his behavior, past or present. Do you think he has changed since he ended the affair? Or are you seeing a pattern?

If he continues to emotionally badger you and guilt trip you for refusing to partake in his threesome fantasy, then you may want to consider filing for a legal separation and separate living arrangements. Perhaps that will open his eyes. Or perhaps it will open yours, and you may find that you're life is much more pleasant without a husband who has affairs and makes you feel like crud for refusing to have sex with two men at the same time.

**Crystalblue** · 09-29-2011 09:01 AM

The bottom line is that he's trying to get you to do something that you don't want to do. A Marriage is supposed to be a team, not someone you throw a temper tantrum for when you don't get your way. Sex isn't just physical no matter how much convincing takes place. Maybe he's trying to even the score with you. It could easily be turned around on you in the future, so in the end, if you don't want to do it, don't do it.

**DSemcho** · 09-29-2011 09:14 AM

You might want to try a sex therapist, they could probably help you out tremendously. It's actually the profession I'm looking to do after I finish my schooling and all.

**gccg** · 09-29-2011 10:01 AM

Thank you everyone,
I have to let him go, I am afraid of change and I am afraid of the financial toll this is going to take. I have to prepare myself and my children. It was so hard on them the first time around, we seperated for 4 months and he was so involved with his mistress he rarely looked for them the first month and lord forbid answer their calls or texts.

My children are 17,11 and a 2 year old.

**KMonte85** · 09-29-2011 10:13 AM

It is sad gc, but given what you've told us here, I think this will be the best decision you can make for yourself. This man is a far cry from a good husband and father.

You deserve to be happy. Your children deserve to have a happy and healthy mother. Financially things may be tight for a while, but with some careful planning and perhaps the help of a good divorce lawyer, the hardships you'll go through now will be worth the relief you'll feel in your life in the near future.

Change is scary. But freedom to live a joyous and healthy life are so, so worth it...

I hope you continue to post here, let us know how you are, what you're thinking and feeling, hardships and challenges and of course the good times too! Check out some of our other forums - we can be just as lighthearted here as we are serious! And Lord knows, sometimes we need that. Just remember, not only will you be helping yourself with an "outlet" to get your thoughts and feelings heard and support here at WH, but who knows, in the future there may be a woman in a situation similar to yours who will come here and read what you've written and get the guidance and inspiration she needs to make the right choices for herself.