new problems with cheating husband

**gccg** · 09-28-2011 09:45 AM

Hello,
I need help, I am a 38 year old woman who has been married to her high school sweetheart for twenty years. In March I caught him cheating on me and after all the drama stopped the divorce to give us another chance. Also we have three children and I have never been with another man and he had never been with another woman. We have been back on track for two months and now he is pressuring me to have a threesome. I know, pretty crazy. The worst part is that he wants me to have another man first and supposedly this is not the worst of his fantasies.
At first I said maybe because I thought it was all talk and now I find out that he had asked a friend of his to be the man.(he does not know I know this). I did not tell my husban d I know but simply told him we can have fun and talk about our fantasiies to each other and maybe do some but I would never allow us to have sex with other people.
If he needed this to simply divorce me. He went into a fury and told me he will never open up again and refuses to letme dress sexy for him.
I am seriously thinking of divorce.

**KMonte85** · 09-28-2011 10:10 AM

Wow. The GALL your husband has. Not only has he decided that for him to be happy you must participate in a 3some with him, but he also is choosing who that person is full well knowing that you're not comfortable with the idea in the first place! And then to throw a huge hissy fit when you tell him how you feel about it... Holy cow.

I would be livid and digusted. If this is how he is going to behave, I don't see how this marriage is going to succeed. You may be right to be thinking of divoice again. If that's really not something you want to do, I would suggest you try marraige councelling first. But your husband sounds like a guy who is very much set in his ways, and very unwilling to accept advice from anyone, so I don't know how well it would go - but it is worth a shot. (Just keep that divorce lawyer's phone number handy...)

**gccg** · 09-28-2011 10:17 AM

thanks, I don't know what else to do.

**KMonte85** · 09-28-2011 10:23 AM

What is he doing to keep the marriage alive and get it on the right path? You stopped the divorce proceedings to give it another chance... so how is he helping the situation?

Trying to browbeat you into sexual acts you're not comfortable doing with other people who you are not comfortable with isn't going to do it. He needs a reality check.

**gccg** · 09-28-2011 10:34 AM

The worst part is no matter what he says, I do not think he realizes the damage his affair did to me and our family. He also does not realize how close to divorce we came. I never found out who the woman was because he protected her like the CIA. I know this was probably best but it eats at me daily. Also, during the seperation (4 months), I lost over twenty pounds and became more confident with myself. Men have flirted with me and an old friend looked me up while I was seperated. I did not date or cheat or anything like that, but it did open my eyes. I am attractive, kind, I have morals, I am a good mom, and I did find myself flirting back a lil when the opportunity arose. This could not be a good sign right??

**gccg** · 09-28-2011 10:38 AM

Kmonte, he takes me on date nights every other weekend and does not go out without me. We also started taking our children to mass weekly but he has recently gotten comfortable and is wanting to back out of mass. Also, the way he speaks to me is beginning to change, jekyl is wanting to reappear.

**gccg** · 09-28-2011 10:42 AM

I hope something opens his eyes and our marriage can survive.

**KMonte85** · 09-28-2011 10:53 AM

If he's reverting back to his old habits after only 2 months of reconciliation - that is a red flag! Have you asked him to attend marriage counselling with you? What was his reaction? I really think if you and your husband want your marriage to get through this, you have to work with a professional who can give you the tools to get out of a destructive pattern.

I'm glad you were able to discover your own self worth during your separation - you're attractive, you're a catch, you deserve to be treated well and adored. Don't ever forget that and don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

**gccg** · 09-28-2011 10:56 AM

This was my first post and you have made me feel comfortable. Thanks, and i will speak to him about it soon.

**KMonte85** · 09-28-2011 11:50 AM

We are glad to have you with us! Keep posting here and let us know how you're doing, how you're feeling, what you're thinking!

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