Bachelor Party/Strip Club

**lizzardb63** · 09-30-2011 09:38 AM

My fiance and I got into an argument regarding his bachelor party and going to the strip club. My side was that I didn't want any of the strippers to touch him, as in put their boobs in his face, etc. I feel that, that is a private part and that should only happen to him in the bedroom with me, not with some random woman. I guess I do not see it as being any different then him going to the bar or a party and having another woman put her boobs in his face. I feel is cheating.

His argument is that if he doesn't go to the strip club, the guys will say he is (edit) whipped. I understand that this is "what guys do" on their bachelor party, but I just can't get over that feeling that it would be like cheating. I am not going and gaving some guys thing on me, because only HIS should be I guess...on me, lol... therefore I don't. Why doesn't he understand, and how can I feel better about this? I feel so frustrated and a little hurt...

**KMonte85** · 09-30-2011 09:51 AM

No, it's not "what guys do" at their bachelor party. Sure, some do.. and it gets glorified in movies and whatnot... but there are about a million other options that guys can do too, and still have fun and be guys. Of all my friends that have gotten married, not one of them had a bachelor or bachelorette party with strippers. They did things like trap-shooting, boating, bar-hopping, go karting, camping, weekends exploring a big city, etc... not one boob or coinpurse in anyone's face and everyone had a great time with no hurt feelings. It is completely reasonable.

Is your fiance really suggesting that his friends not thinking he's P* whipped is more important than his future wife feeling like she's been cheated on? I would bring that to his attention, because as a future husband he is already making quite a mistake in his train of thought.

**sheriac5** · 09-30-2011 10:44 AM

I would see this as a trust issue, and you can use this as a building block for that. let him go and enjoy himself with his friends. Has there been something in the past that leads you to believe he is going to act on a stripper lap dancing or possible getting her boobs to close to him. I dont judge others or their relationships because everyone is different and how they look at things, but i think by not letting him go could cause some trust stress issues further down the relationship, unless like i said, something similar has already happened to ruin this already.

**lizzardb63** · 09-30-2011 10:47 AM

I've been to strip clubs before and they put their boobs right in your face and some even put their vaginas in your face. I don't like the idea of that. Early in our relationship we went with some friends to a strip club for (edit) and giggles and this is before we got really serious and he went and sat by the stage. I thought I'd be okay with it, but once I saw that strippers whoo haa in his face, I totally lost it. Ever since then I am not comfortable with the thought of him at a strip club. I am okay if he goes and just watches, but I have problems with the thought of a girl having her boobs in his face or something else. I just don't sit well with the idea. Maybe I am just being insecure, but I can't fight this feeling.

**KMonte85** · 09-30-2011 11:04 AM

I have to respectfully disagree with you, sheria. I don't think it is an issue of trust so much as an issue of respect. Using myself as an example, I would be pretty livid if my fiance demanded to go to a stripclub for his bachelor party. Not because I don't trust him. He has never done anything shady in the past and I trust him absolutely, or I wouldn't be marrying him. But I think it is insult, or a sign of disrespect, towards me. What a shiesty way it would be for my future husband to celebrate our upcoming nuptials. What a shiesty way to start the path towards marriage.

And how disrespectful is it for a soon-to-be husband to not listen to his future wife when she asks him not to go to a stripclub because "his friends will think he's whipped" Where does his loyalty and his priorities lie? She was honest with him when she said she feels the things that go on in a stripclub are cheating, since they would be if they happened anywhere else. He doesn't seem to take that very seriously, or at least he doesn't seem to care as much about what his wife thinks than he does about what his friends think.

**sheriac5** · 09-30-2011 11:05 AM

I understand you totally, and that is why i said i wouldnt judge your feelings on this. We all have our own securities and insecurities, and for all types of reasons. I dont think your being insecure on this, i think maybe u should share this with him and let him know how you feel and that you want him to go and you trust him, but you want him to know that he will except your boundries with that you are requesting instead of telling him as "this is my rules" i think he would respect that and especially you for meeting in the middle so to speak.

**lizzardb63** · 09-30-2011 11:23 AM

All I know is if he felt that way about something I was doing, I wouldn't do it. No matter what my friends say, but maybe that's the difference between men and women. Women don't read into something when you say you want to do something else, where guys will give each other if they think you're "whipped."

**KMonte85** · 09-30-2011 11:44 AM

Why does he have to tell his friends that his fiancee won't let him go? Why can't he just tell them HE doesn't want to and would much rather do __(insert activity here)__?

Just seems like a cop out, a weak excuse.

**lizzardb63** · 09-30-2011 11:47 AM

He said because they would KNOW it was because of me (which is probably true).

**Fallen1** · 09-30-2011 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by KMonte85

I have to respectfully disagree with you, sheria. I don't think it is an issue of trust so much as an issue of respect. Using myself as an example, I would be pretty livid if my fiance demanded to go to a stripclub for his bachelor party. Not because I don't trust him. He has never done anything shady in the past and I trust him absolutely, or I wouldn't be marrying him. But I think it is insult, or a sign of disrespect, towards me. What a shiesty way it would be for my future husband to celebrate our upcoming nuptials. What a shiesty way to start the path towards marriage.

And how disrespectful is it for a soon-to-be husband to not listen to his future wife when she asks him not to go to a stripclub because "his friends will think he's whipped" Where does his loyalty and his priorities lie? She was honest with him when she said she feels the things that go on in a stripclub are cheating, since they would be if they happened anywhere else. He doesn't seem to take that very seriously, or at least he doesn't seem to care as much about what his wife thinks than he does about what his friends think.

I agree 100 %. A Bachelor/Bachelorett party is not an automatic "free pass" to overlook your commitment to your s/o for one last hoorah before you get married.