Husband and female co-worker

**Mishy_Mish** · 10-19-2011 12:50 PM

Hi, I'm just looking for others opinions on a certain situation.

My husband has a female co-worker who he is extremely close with. They both work on afternoon shift, however in different areas, but text constantly.

We have gotten into arguments over this in the past and he always states how they are just friends and a lot of the texting is work related and how I'm being extra and looking too much into things.

They text throughout the day at work, but also on off days and early hours in the mornings. I don't think a day has gone by that they have not been in contact.

This woman has been at our wedding, and bought gifts for our children and tell him how he always wants to see our kids, yet I've only met her at work functions. I am a nosey person, and I do tend to look too much into certain things, but in my mind, if she is that close to him why have I not met her outside of work functions.

I've met her maybe 4 times but did not spend much time with her. I have met everybody who he is close to and even became friends with them, except for this woman. He knows I feel uncomfortable about their relationship because I get uncomfortable about things I don't understand. I don't understand why you have to text someone every single day. Especially when it comes to his other friends, I actually talk to them more than he does.

I know this woman is very flirtatious, as I heard that from other people he works with, and some messages I have read in his phone could be open to interpretation, but everytime I question him about her it always leads to an argument.

I really don't think he would cheat on me. I just feel that someone who is so important to him to communicate with everyday, should be important to me as well. This woman is married as well.

When I asked my husband why we don't do couple things, he said because of comments I made abouth her in the past makes him not want to bring her around me. All I said is that I found her unattractive; nice body but an ugly face. Probably my defenses made me say that comment out loud to him, but I usually say what I feel.

If I find another woman attractive I would say so. I just want others opinions on how much contact is too much and to pretty much ease my mind. Thanks!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-19-2011 02:20 PM

Friends do not text each other early in the morning (un-less it is work related)...

There are boundries where Marriage is concerned, you are right to feel like you do...

He seems to be making all the decisions... It's all his way... And, seriously, if they are just friends regardless that you called her ugly behind her back, he knows you would not say it to her face, it's a cop out to exclude only one person, one friend from being in your cirlce of mutual friends.

Buying gifts for children, that she never sees? I believe this woman has a serious crush on your husband... And, I believe he enjoys her flirting even if he won't do anything physically, he is emotionally.

Put your foot down... It's evident to me he is having an emotional affair with this woman and her him... You don't deserve to be married yet have your husband flirt and laugh and talk constantly to another woman every day of the week and not allow you to know her persay...

If you continue to let him get away with it, it will continue....

"Husband, you are having an emotional affair, get over yourself with suggesting I am paranoid, this has to stop or tame down, you married me, want to laugh, flirt, talk? Then you have my mobile number or else I may just ask her husband to start texting me daily on-going, so I have a husband to talk and laugh with"...

**rosekitten** · 10-19-2011 02:43 PM

Would you feel the same way if this woman, was a man instead?

I text (and get texts) from my friends at all sorts of random hours. It doesn't mean anything other than that we're both awake and want to talk.

**lizzardb63** · 10-19-2011 02:56 PM

But if they text EVERYDAY throughout the entire day? That's a bit excessive compared to "I can't sleep, lets chat" and I agree with the comment stated earlier. No other woman should be occupying his time more than his own wife (of course unless its work-related and a temporary thing until problems are solved). If they were as good of friends as he says, and Just Friends...he would WANT his friend to be involved with his wife and his wife involved with her... don't you want to share your happiness and fun with your spouse? I introduced all my friends to my fiance, because they are a blast and why would I want him to miss out on it? I would want to have a blast with him AND my friend.

**rosekitten** · 10-19-2011 04:10 PM

I text my friends daily... Most of them are men. My husband doesn't care, and doesn't assume that I'm only texting them daily because I'm interested/involved with them. My husband has casually met some of my friends, but the reality is that they don't get along well (as in, have a good time, it's not that they dislike each other), so I usually hang out with them away from my husband. He has good friends, and they hang out on their own, too. I don't care, because it doesn't matter. He LOVES me, and he comes home to me every night, and that is what matters, not how many texts are sent in a day.

**jns** · 10-19-2011 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by Mishy_Mish

Hi, I'm just looking for others opinions on a certain situation.

My husband has a female co-worker who he is extremely close with. They both work on afternoon shift, however in different areas, but text constantly.

We have gotten into arguments over this in the past and he always states how they are just friends and a lot of the texting is work related and how I'm being extra and looking too much into things.

They text throughout the day at work, but also on off days and early hours in the mornings. I don't think a day has gone by that they have not been in contact.

This woman has been at our wedding, and bought gifts for our children and tell him how he always wants to see our kids, yet I've only met her at work functions. I am a nosey person, and I do tend to look too much into certain things, but in my mind, if she is that close to him why have I not met her outside of work functions.

I've met her maybe 4 times but did not spend much time with her. I have met everybody who he is close to and even became friends with them, except for this woman. He knows I feel uncomfortable about their relationship because I get uncomfortable about things I don't understand. I don't understand why you have to text someone every single day. Especially when it comes to his other friends, I actually talk to them more than he does.

I know this woman is very flirtatious, as I heard that from other people he works with, and some messages I have read in his phone could be open to interpretation, but everytime I question him about her it always leads to an argument.

I really don't think he would cheat on me. I just feel that someone who is so important to him to communicate with everyday, should be important to me as well. This woman is married as well.

When I asked my husband why we don't do couple things, he said because of comments I made abouth her in the past makes him not want to bring her around me. All I said is that I found her unattractive; nice body but an ugly face. Probably my defenses made me say that comment out loud to him, but I usually say what I feel.

If I find another woman attractive I would say so. I just want others opinions on how much contact is too much and to pretty much ease my mind. Thanks!!!

The way I read the situation is this: you have co-opted all of your husbands friends except this one following the rule: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Your husband doesn't want you near her, because you have already insulted her and he isn't sure if you have enough restraint to keep from getting in a battle of words or possibly a physical battle. Further, he wants her as an independent opinion. He may be flaunting the unconstrained nature of their friendship. The end result is that he is driven toward her a little too much and I can see a problem with that. Maybe he should be allowed to be his own person at least to a small extent. At the same time, I also believe that she scares you at least some. This is not an easy to work out situation.

**lizzardb63** · 10-20-2011 09:48 AM

The way I see the situation is he knows it bothers her... out of respect for your wife, wouldn't you cut back just a little? If I knew it made my fiance uncomfortable that I was texting a male co-worker everyday outside of work, I would cut back a little just out of respect. He comes first. That doesn't mean I would cut all ties with this person, because obviously, that would be a little drastic, but there is nothing wrong with cutting back a little bit. My fiance comes first and he is my #1...I would never want him to feel like he is 2nd to another man.

**sallyskellington** · 10-20-2011 08:16 PM

In all honesty the situation sounds fishy to me. Where I can understand him wanting to have friends of the opposite sex him not allowing you around her regardless of comments made is questionable. Ask yourself has he made comments about people to you and been fine to them?. I always say when in doubt trust your gut instinct. I would air on the side of caution when discussing the matter with him though, you don't wanna drive him a wedge between you two and him closer to her.

**Found999** · 10-21-2011 06:40 AM

I hear you...I was into that paranoia before...I have my live in partner who flirted with my neighborhood! urgh! I was trying not to be jealous but the more you talk about "her"....the more you're pushing him to do the sin...the more you talk too much about your suspicion the more they will cheat on you and missed each other...so why bother to ask someone who can't be trusted at all??? just ignore and show things like you don't think about them but investigate and be vigilant...BUT are you ready to accept the reality? if yes, go on...if not ready to lose him or feel the pain... ignore and make yourself busy...but if you think you don't want to be cheated...so be it, leave them alone... I was crying when I discovered the real score between them and the flirt woman but he didn't leave me and I can't trust him no more. I went back to work and find myself a new place to make a good start...so I did, when I noticed that the relationship isn't working anymore coz I always doubt him and guard him...I dumped him off after 1 year of moving on...now I am happy coz I've found the man who really love me most and he got my name on his tattoo...