Custody issues

**Enchi** · 10-26-2011 03:04 PM

Hello,
I'm not sure if I am posting in the right thread but here goes.
I have a friend, who is young (like 20) and she has a little girl with her ex boyfriend.
They have been sharing custody of her for the past while, I think she is one years old.
Now the problem is his attitude...
He drops her off, actually his mother drops her off, whenever he wants (like 1pm instead of the agreed 3pm). And the verbal abuse he gives her is rediciulus, he calls her every name in the book and treats her like .
No lawyers have been involved yet, so I was wondering where she stands as the mother and current full time care giver. Has anyone ever been through this and what was done to solve it?
Thanks for any help regarding this

**Goosey** · 10-26-2011 03:23 PM

Generally if they fight for Custody, the custody will be given to the mother (unless the mother is good for nothing)--- at least here in Canada. My sister-in-law had tonnes of issues with her ex, and he would say I'm picking up the kids, and not shown up, she has full custody, and he's never paid a dime to those kids. He ended up fighting for custody (because he thought it would take away his payments with no responsibility), but then he never showed up to court.

If she really doesn't want her ex involved, beacuse he is a bad influence, you could probably get lawyers involved --- problem is its expensive.

**Enchi** · 10-26-2011 03:27 PM

Does she have any rights as she stands now to control what happens with her daughter?

**Goosey** · 10-26-2011 03:30 PM

If she is making visit times already -- it sounds like she has full custody. But what kind of control?

**Enchi** · 10-26-2011 03:44 PM

Does she have the control to tell him he can't see her until he pulls his together and stops verbally harassing her? Or as an example that because Monday is one of his "days" can she say no because it's Halloween?

**Goosey** · 10-26-2011 03:55 PM

At this moment, if she doesn't have sole custody I don't think she can. She would need to get full custody, I think. The best (I think) she could do is either ask him if they can switch or ask if they can do Halloween together.

I'm no expert with this, and Laws in Canada are different than elsewhere. But from my understanding, unless she has sole custody she needs to consult with him if she were switching days and such.

**Enchi** · 10-26-2011 07:18 PM

Yea she did ask if they could go together but I don't think that went over very well. Umm, as far as I know there is no shared custody or anything, no law has been involved. For me I would tell him where to go, she gets nothing from him but verbal abuse. No money or anything. I just feel bad for her and wanted to try and help. Thanks so much for your input

**Goosey** · 10-27-2011 09:23 AM

I would caution her before she decides to verbally abuse him back (by telling him "where to go"). If there hasn't been law involved, she should be the best she can be so she can prove she deserves full custody.

**danceintx** · 10-27-2011 10:03 AM

She can try to do custody for free through the State Attorney Generals office, if he wants to agree to her terms. Otherwise she will have to get a lawyer and file in court. It's very expensive and if she doesn't have money, she can try to go through legal aid. Before she does anything though I would check what the laws are in your state for tape recording conversations. In my state I could tape record my ex abusing me, and if I were her, I would start collecting evidence. She may be able to use it in court.

**BabyGirl** · 10-27-2011 11:08 AM

Yes she has rights, if the Child resides with her most of the time. She can go to her local Courthouse use the Law Library and get forms for what they call a " Parenting Plan ".
This is where the Parents fill out the Times and Limits of Visits, Support and Vacations or Holidays. And you can also put in " Rules " Like behavior.That if broken or Violated it can or will terminate the Visits.

As it is he should be paying some Support, in my State $50 is Minimum a month. If she is on any Assistance, food Stamps, Medical, rent assistance WIC Program, The State can help her with all of this.

The State has the Child's best interest in mind and they also want to spend less themselves on the Child, by getting the Father to pay up some support. That way they ( State ) can help others in need.

The Verbal Abuse needs to Stop and if necessary, she can File a Harassment/ Abuse claim, that will similar to a restraining order. where he can lose all Visitation.
Your friend needs to put her foot down. Explain to him that she will Not Allow him to be Verbally Abusive to her or threatening in any way. She will Not allow that kind of behavior around her Child, even at 1 years old, a Child feels the " Vibes " of the parents.

On the Recording his Verbal abuse , if he leaves them on a Voice mail or in Texts or Emails, It is Public record and can be used as Evidence. If she is going to record him, as Long as she does and Tells him. " I am recording this abuse, don't say anything you don"t want used in Court " she should be fine. This way, she is protecting herself from the Claim of recording without other parties knowledge.

I had a friend that actually Used the " Miranda Rights Statement as her Voice mail/ Answering message .. Lol . The guy stopped calling and harassing her all together . Lmao