I should totally avoid movie dates from now on...

**dyljp** · 10-30-2011 05:10 PM

A few hours ago, my husband and I went to the movies. I first thought it was a good idea since he works 6 days a week and we don't get to go out much. But, oh boy, had I known what was going to happen, I'd rather us stay home and watched whatever was on TV. So here's how things happened from my perspective: We were watching the movie, and he suddenly "let's go" of my hand, and by let's go I mean he dropped it almost throwing it into my lap. I let that pass since we were there to watch the movie. A few minutes later he started to do that one exhale men do when they're annoyed or angry, that's when the thought hit me, OHHH GOD, WHAT DID I DO NOW?!?! Either way I let it go, I wasn't about to make a scene at the movies and I just forgot about it. Then he made us move because he suddenly didn't like where we were sitting... ok... having forgotten what happened earlier, I tried to hold his hand when I realized I was just holding on to the dead weight of it so I just let it go and enjoyed the rest of the movie.

Fast forwarding to when we were driving out of the movie theater's parking lot, he just blurts out in a loud voice, "What did I do wrong this time that you can't even hold my hand?".

!!! That was like a slap in the face because it was him who started all of this and it was him who wasn't even wanting to hold my hand later. So keeping my calm so we don't make a storm out of a glass of water over a movie, I asked him what I did wrong.

According to him, I loosened my grip somewhere in this one scene where a semi clad man was kissing his semi clad wife. Then he calls me blind and says I never notice what I do wrong. What did I do wrong? Then he says, I do that all the time any time we are watching a movie and a guy comes on. I was left speechless, and for all I knew , I was watching a movie while we held hands, there was nothing special about any of the scenes. So the whole drive home (only about 15 minutes thank goodness) he's asking me crazy questions and making outlandish accusations trying to get me to be mad along with him.

This whole thing over a guy coming out on a movie isn't the first time it happens, he did it once before too at his sister's house when we were watching Arthur... seriously, over Russel Brand? Anyways, that time, we were also sitting together and he had his arm around me, he just suddenly got up, went outside and got into his truck. As I was genuinely concerned for him, I went outside to see what was wrong with him. He told me that I disgusted him for looking at that guy, Russel Brand (seriously? kick my optical nerve already!) in boxers and not looking away. It was raining and I was standing there like a fool until I got him to come back inside. He came inside, but I guess I disgusted him so much that he couldn't even be in the same living room with me, he watched the rest of the movie from the kitchen while drinking glass after glass of rum when he knows I hate that he drinks excessively. Since his sister had just moved in, she didn't have any rooms set up so we couldn't "crash" at her place, he had to us home since I don't know how to drive standard.

Back to today... once he made sure he put me in a bad mood, he's calmly watching TV as if nothing happened. While I try to figure out what exactly is wrong with him. Any thoughts??

**blueclouds** · 10-30-2011 05:33 PM

Wow. He seems way over-sensitive. Maybe stressed too??

There's nothing wrong even if you were a bit absorbed in a good scene, with your hand loosening a little or your attention staying on the screen. It's normal! Not saying that happened, but it's nothing to get mad about even if it did.

Sounds like he's paranoid about you liking other men. There's a lot of potential issues there. He definitely shouldn't jump on you for watching scenes involving naked men, it's normal tv/films. Maybe try talking to him, does he know that you're interested in him and not these men on screens? Why is he so jumpy about them?

**dyljp** · 10-30-2011 06:00 PM

Yes he can be, he interprets things sensitively too and blocks out 3/4 of what's going on. After he calms down, I can tell him what he and I said or did while he was on his rampage and he denies any of it, it's like the only things that happened are what he sees and nothing else. He's told me various times before that I stare at every other man except for him, which is ridiculous ! I married HIM and I'm only interested in HIM and I don't know how to get that point past that thick curtain of his crazy thought. I've tried talking to him and he explains to me what he thinks is me staring when in reality he's telling me about me looking around when we go somewhere and I seriously don't know what to tell him. My eyes are just serving their purpose, to see. And his interpretation of looking is staring. Argh!!! -__-

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-30-2011 06:53 PM

I am often your husband, or have been in the past ( i mean that theoretically obviously lol)... so let me tell you whats going on with ME in those instances. When I am feeling a bit insecure or feeling like maybe my boyfriends lost interest in me I will lash out on something completely stupid like a movie scene, instead of just coming out and saying how I really feel and asking him to reassure me. When things are well and I feel good we can watch movies with chicks jiggling boobs all over the screen and I don't care. But if I am having an insecure day we could be watching a movie and a girl with shorts and nice legs walks on screen for half a second and I side swipe him with... ugh... why are you even with me??? Its obvious you want a girl like her. lol. Its pathetic, and I know it. And likely your man does to.

What it sounds like he needs from you is some good old fashioned reassurance. You don't have to make a case out of it, or bring it up, just start sprinkling compliments in more frequently, more pats on the butt , more flirts and winks... more reminding him that he's the guy for you. That should make him feel more relaxed.

**Mes T** · 10-30-2011 11:44 PM

My ex was like that, so on top of what HD said my advice is no matter how bad it gets, resist getting riled up by it as much as possible! Sounds like you've got a great level head on your shoulders, which is something I did NOT have when my ex was acting like this, so basically his insecurities became my insecurities became one messy miserable relationship.

Hopefully you two can talk about this and he can get over himself, because this sort of behavior can almost turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy... You might soon get tired of his attitude and actually start liking the guys on TV!! Whereas if he didn't act like that in the first place, all would have been fine.

Good luck!

**dyljp** · 10-31-2011 08:09 AM

HD: Ever since I picked up on his insecurity, I've been so attentive as to rarely missing an opportunity to reassure him in most of the ways you mentioned and I'm always trying to do little things for him to surprise him like giving him a rose once in a while, packing "I love you" notes in his lunch he takes to work, sending him a heartfelt text while he's at work, making him his favorite dish of mine that I make in big quantities because he loves to show it off. I'm doing everything in my power and it's not working, I really want this to stop because I fear his insecurity will affect us even more once I complete my degree and look for a job

Mes T: I'm pretty thick skinned, I do pretty good at staying calm unless he decides to carve all the way through the thickness (sounds weird, lol). I gave him the silent treatment then he started being nice to me and apologized. I asked him what he was apologizing about to make sure he wasn't just shooting a blank hoping to get lucky and he said he was apologizing for freaking out on me even though he knows he was right in doing so. I just raised my white flag and brushed it off, for now. We definitely have some talking to do so I do plan on bringing it up later.

Don't get me wrong, my relationship with him is not bad at all. On the contrary, I feel very blessed to have met a man like him and have him in my life, in the course of 5 years he was great boyfriend when we were dating, great fiancee when we were engaged and he's been a great husband since we've been married. It's only natural to want an even better relationship when there is room for improvement

Thank you all!