Lie after lie.. Should I confront him?

**HalfWaySaint** · 11-02-2011 10:11 AM

So this goes way back after we just got married.. After few weeks we just got married I found out that he had been watching porn and masturbated to it.. I mean come on, we were newlyweds and I think we had 'sufficient' sex at that time.. So it really hurt my feelings.. And whats worse was he was watching it while I was sleeping next to him.. Very disrespectful.. So I confronted him and at first he tried to deny it and stuff and in the end he admitted to it and promised that he will try to change.. Im quite understanding but I hate the fact that he lied to my face.. So after that I've seen some improvements(i think).. And sometimes we do watch porn together for the of it.. And after one year, when I thought I could trust him again.. I caught him masturbated in the shower twice..(I didnt confront him and he acted as if nothing happened after that).. That triggered me to check his history in the ipad,computer,laptop and iphone.. All clean.. He never deleted his history.. So i was puzzled..And he always brings his phone into the bathroom.. One day,he accidentally left his iPhone in the toilet.. I took it and saw on the screen a porno website.. He was using this app called 'Downloads' which allows you to download stuff into your iPhone and it has password protector.. Thats where he gets his porno from.. I tried to get it out of him by asking him 'have you been watching porn lately or something like that' but he keep on lying to me.. I don't want to tell him that I know about the porns he has in his iPhone but at the same time its bugging me.. I don't know what to do..

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**lizzardb63** · 11-02-2011 12:35 PM

First off I want to say that guys masterbate...even if they are having sex with their significant others. My fiance openly admitts to me when he masterbates and I am okay with that because it's better than the alternative (him cheating). If he knew I had a huge problem with it, however, he would definitely cut back. I can understand you not liking him watching porn, I am not a huge fan of it either. It makes me feel like I am not enough and not attractive enough for him or don't provide what he needs. Did you ever ask him WHY he looks at porn and masterbates to it? Perhaps there is a fantasy he is hoping to fulfill that you can help with. It may just be as innocent as him having a high sex drive and masterbating is the only way to get relief. I would have a calm, honest, and serious conversation with him asking why he looks and how it makes you feel. Be honest. You are husband and wife and should be able to work through this problem. May jsut take some time, patience and understanding.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-02-2011 02:12 PM

I wonder if it's the masterbation or the masterbating to porn that bothers you the most.

Were you sexually active, before you got married?

You watch porn together, so I am thinking it's the thought of him masterbating on his own to porn.

But, if you are both quite sexually active together, perhaps he has a higher sex drive and needs even more release. Some can just close their eyes and visualise, others need props as they can not visualise.

I think that's the discussion you should be having with him, to set your mind at ease.

What you have to remember is he married you, he has a good enough quantity of sex with you, so he likes being with you... loves you... "Nagging, snooping" is what a Mother would do and doesn't work well within a relationship, discussing the reasons, is it visual, can you accomodate by doing it for him, would that help him out, a discussion, may just get you what you want, whilst also helping him get more of what he wants.... He's human... Don't feel insecure....I'd be feeling that if there was no sex and he was doing that, but that's not the case.

**Goosey** · 11-02-2011 07:07 PM

I think the worst part should be him lying to you.

Like said above, guys masterbate. Honestly, they do constantly. My friends husband does it like 5+ times a day. And they have sex at least once a day, if not more. Guys just do that.

He shouldn't be lying to you about it though. If it bothers you, you need to talk to him and he has to be truthful and listen to you. And you need to probably set some ground rules. But I will say, you probably need to accept the masturbating in the shower thing. I don't know a guy who doesn't do that, whether or not they get regular sex (unless they just had it pre-shower).

**lizzardb63** · 11-03-2011 09:59 AM

Completely agree with Goosey.

**MeghanCouture** · 11-03-2011 07:37 PM

Idk maybe this is just me and what I feel and believe... Why on earth watch porn if you're married?? I mean okay if you're single then I understand. however being married and still watching it, I completly do not agree with. Also the masterbating, why masterbate if you're married? I can honestly say, since my husband and I have been married he has not masterbated and I don't understand why a man would need to if he is married and having sex. Idk that is just me though!

**lizzardb63** · 11-04-2011 08:49 AM

Masterbating is a completely natural thing. Women do it too, not just men. If you're horny it's better to masterbate than to seek other options, such as cheating. I respect your opinion on it, but I think some people would become sexually frustrated if they couldn't masterbate. It can relieve a lot of stress and pressure for some people.

**MeghanCouture** · 11-04-2011 03:50 PM

When my husband and I first started dating we couldn't have sex for 6 months, He had told me that he masterbated while he was in the shower and that it didn't feel rite and that it felt like cheating.
After that he never did it again and just waited until we were actually able to have sex.

**lizzardb63** · 11-07-2011 02:24 PM

I would actually be very surprised if a guy didn't masterbate, ever. I know my ex didn't do it very often, but he did it occasionally. My fiance and I have talked about it and he says he fantisizes about me every time. I don't think he would lie to me, but if he thought about someone else...then he did. As long as it stays to just that and not developing feelings or changing our sex life, no harm no foul.

**MeghanCouture** · 11-07-2011 02:42 PM

(edit reply to deleted post) Not every guy masterbates, there are some normal men out there who don't feel the need to masterbate or think about sex constantly or feel the need to have it!