My husband hurts me...

**BabyGirl** · 11-07-2011 08:06 AM

Firstly,
You are not at fault for this abuse, the only fault here is His. Though you have made a Mistake and everyone makes mistakes, it is learning from them that avoids things like this in the Future.

Your Mistake , is in my mind, Choosing to Convert to a Religion that you did not Study and Research, to see if the Rules of Belief and Practice, were ones you could accept wholeheartedly and live within that religions beliefs in a daily manner .

What you are describing is Sharia Law, AKA Islamic Law. Where he believes he has the right to Beat you, Starve you, Sexually Abuse you, Lock you up and not let you out in Public.

The Qur'an:

Qur'an (4:34) - "Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great."

Qur'an (38:44) - "And take in your hand a green branch and beat her with it, and do not break your oath..."

In Summary, he is he " allowed " to Beat you ?

Yes, but only if she doesn't do as he asks. The beating must cease if the woman complies with her husband's demands. Beating is also intended to be the last resort of coercing submission, behind verbal abuse and abandonment.

It seems that in your Story, he followed his Laws

and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them;

1) He Verbally Abused you, He admonished you, when you disobeyed he took you to the " Sleeping " place and Beat you.
2) As long as you stayed there and Obeyed, he left you alone.

You must now ask yourself, think Deeply and Seriously on this.

Are you at 20 years young ...

Willing to love him and be married to him, knowing full well that you may never speak your mind or disagree with him , for fear of being Beaten, which he believes is his Right. And in your " Conversion " you are agreeing with and subjecting yourself to as part of your Marriage Vows ?

Are you willing to become pregnant have Sons or Daughters that will be taught it is Ok to be Beaten or Ok to Beat women ?

I am in no way trying to degrade or say what is wrong or right about the "Muslim/ Islamic Faith " in General as they have the Freedom in the USA to practice what they Believe as Long as it Breaks No Laws of America.

I am saying that here in America, his behavior is Illegal. Domestic Violence and Abuse is Illegal from ANY Religion here in the USA.

Abusing and Neglecting Children is Illegal as well . Can you see your Daughters Beaten in the Future ?

So here it is,

Since you have Computer time, it seems, while he is away.
Do some research on the Faith that you chose to " Convert To " so you could Marry with him.

If you find you can Believe and accept your Future as a Sharia Wife.

Then start Studying what is accepted and what is not, learn the actions and Consequences.

Make an Educated Decision for Your Future and for Future Children of yours.

**Found999** · 11-07-2011 08:17 AM

Annajane, I can feel your pain..I was in a busive man in my life before...he started with yelling, then cursing then pushing me then choking me, then bumping my head in his car or twist my arms or anything that can hurt me... I hated him so much, I wished him so bad that now he is bankrupted and loss his business... I left him, you know why your husband can do that???it's because he has another woman...now tell me, how did I stand strong??? when I caught him cheating on me, I went back to work...while slowly moving on...I have found my new friends at work, my lost identity, my power, my confidence and my will to leave him...I threw him away hahahaha!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-07-2011 03:01 PM

Annajane,

The ladies are right, you are in the US, it is a free country... He thinks he can abuse you, use you and play the field...You don't agree, believe in that religion, faith, love is not to hurt intentionally, ever, it is to love always and forever.

You are young, you will get over this, again where are your family? It's time to call on them confidentially without him knowing and move somewhere safe where he doesn't know where you are and can never find you and start living your life, you are important, beautiful, smart do not ever let anyone walk all over you or make you feel you are nothing because that's their intent okay ...

Stay with us...

**driveby** · 11-26-2011 07:55 AM

As a man I'm horrified when I hear these stories. My answer is simple. Get out and get help. If you're getting hurt you need out, now. These things never get better. He'll probably say it won't happen again, but it will. Get out and get help, period. You deserve better, whatever your circumstances. Good luck. My prayers are with you.

**Magnetism** · 11-26-2011 06:49 PM

AnnaJane-I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that. You got a lot of good advice and support in this thread. You will be in my thoughts and I hope you can get out.

A lot of women struggle to leave, but please be hopeful. Being attached and loving someone can make it more difficult, but you deserve better as much as everyone is telling you here.

**lovelygirls6** · 11-29-2011 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by annajane

Thanks everyone for your replies I guess I know he's wrong but I don't want to admit to myself that it's not going to stop and I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I should also explain that my husband was raised Muslim and I am a convert. So in Islam the wife is supposed to obey her husband and if she doesn't the husband has the right to beat her until she obeys. So thats why sometimes I don't feel justified in leaving or being upset. But I can't belong to a religion that this is okay. I feel broken, how could he tell me loves me and then hurt me.

I am in the U.S and have lived here all my life. I am 20.

Who told you a husband can beat you in Islam? Let me guess, him? He's wrong, and has misinterpreted the Qur'an. He is not following his religion, he's a coward hiding behind his corrupt version of Islam.

You need to drop him now. If you don't have children yet, get out before you do have them; it's easier.

You are very young, and you WILL find someone better. Don't take this for one more second.

**cathy23** · 11-30-2011 05:26 PM

you need to get away from this guy., It will probably get worse.

Plan it out., Pack your stuff when you KNOW he WON'T be there for a while., Tell NO ONE, until your away and safe.
Contact legal council.
Now this last piece of advice is REAL IMPORTANT;
-Don't let him talk you into coming back.

**caterpillar79** · 12-03-2011 11:07 AM

Have you talked to a women's rights advocate or at least looked for a women's shelter so you can plan for an out if you decide to?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-03-2011 01:00 PM

Anna Jane,

When people don't come back, they were crying out for help, somehow, they then feel useless, a no-body, talk themselves into just dealing with it, the thought of marriage, love, just one more go..And, so they leave here.

You came here for a reason, remember that....

Re-think those thoughts you are having.

Some people hide behind religion, use it as a means to get what they want out of life, and that is "control"..

Don't be controlled, you deserve a "marriage" that speaks volumes of love, happiness, not abuse...

Think about it sweet.