My husband hurts me...

**annajane** · 11-06-2011 07:37 PM

I really just needed somewhere to get this all out. I have no one to talk to and it's building up inside and all I want to do is let it all out and cry. So here it goes, I'm sorry if it's long.

My husband and I just got married and moved in together in May. My husband and I sometimes get into to stupid fights but a couple months ago they recently started turning into something else. I got into an argument with my husband and then felt silly and went into his office room to make ammends. I went in and put my arms around him to hug him and he pushed me and I fell and hit my head on the wall. I was shocked and started to cry, not because of physical pain but because my feelings were hurt. He started to get even more angry that I was crying and bothering him because he said he was busy. He told me to leave and I told him we needed to talk about it. So since I wouldn't leave he came over and grabbed my arms and dragged me out of the room. I had rugburn on my back and after the fight showed him and he told me I did that to myself.

This isn't the first time he's gotten physical with me before it had been little things like grabbing my arm and squeezing when he gets angry with me in public. So a couple more times it got worse, he has slapped me on the head and back and grabbed me by my shirt and shook me. This last and worst time was Friday. I had caught him messaging other women and the things said were innappropriate. I was so angry I confronted him about it and he told me his relationship with other women is none of my business. I told him it is my business because he is my husband and this is not okay with me, especially because his profile does not say he is married(this is on facebook). I felt betrayed and I told him so. He told me not to talk to him like that and he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back and told me to walk to the bedroom. He then threw me on the bed and started slapping me on the legs and when I started to cry and he scream he put his hand over my nose and mouth so I couldn't breath or scream. He told me to stay on the bed and went to the other room. Well after a few minutes I walked out and he got angry that I didn't listen and grabbed my arm and twisted again. I tried to get out his grip but he grabbed tighter and laughed at me struggling and said he would break my arm. So the rest of the day I sat in the bed and just cried not knowing what to do. We haven't been talking these past couple days but when he does it's in a really disrepectful way.

My husband not only does these things but also calls me stupidand calls a donkey because he says when I cry, it's annoying to him.

I sometimes feel that it's my fault this happens, because sometimes I start the arguments or ask him to talk instead of leaving him alone.

I just need some advice please.

**mulasi** · 11-06-2011 09:28 PM

Don't you dare blame yourself for what he does to you! He is worthless scum of the earth. I just finished watching a show about the power of women and how many women don't realize that they are in a abusive relationship until it gets too much. Don't let him touch you in such a manner. He does it because you let him do it to you. You are strong and you are beautiful. Don't let him make you feel less than what you are just because he is worth less than what you are. He doesn't have a right. You need to make sure that he understands that you do not need him in your life, rather, you choose to have him in your life because you fell in love with a man that respected more than he does today. Stay strong my sister. I will always have you in my heart.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-07-2011 12:42 AM

No man is a man who is abusive to a woman...It is NEVER your fault, ever..

No matter what words are spoken, it's gutless, wrong, abusive and against the law.

Honey, thank you for coming here, we are here with you in this.

Tell us where you are from, how old you are, what Country you live in...

You need to get out and get out now.

He thinks having a wife means he can have what he wants, takes what he wants, and abuse when he wants....

He's WRONG sweet....stand tall....

Where are your family?

**DSemcho** · 11-07-2011 02:29 AM

..... A) buy a nanny cam, or some kind of camera, and hide it in your bedroom and record this. Then call the police and show them what was recorded. This should not be happening! Me and my husband just hung out with a couple this past weekend for the first time, and the fight turned physical where the guy left a giant raised bruise on his wife's arm, and was choking his best friend! She yelled for my husband, who restrained his superior and it turned a little nasty. Point is, no one should have to deal with that kind of treatment!

**Claret** · 11-07-2011 03:10 AM

Annajane, his attitude and actions are speaking volumes to you right now. You must listen. What he is doing is more about the POWER that he feels he has over you than the hitting and hurting. You cannot let him have that power. You must report these actions. You must move apart from him. You must not under any circumstances start a family at this point in time. You must make sure that he will never harm you again, both physically and emotionally.
Call the police, get a protective order, move away from him, get a divorce. This is my honest and most heartfelt advise. If he is at this point now, it will only escalate in the future. You are in danger.

**Crystalblue** · 11-07-2011 06:12 AM

I don't even have the words to tell you how much this is not your fault. I hope you realize your worth and see that no one has the ability to take your power. You can choose to give it, but no one can take it. He's a selfish man child that has no respect for your free will. You can bring him down with a phone call. There's nothing mighty or manly about him.

**annajane** · 11-07-2011 06:15 AM

Thanks everyone for your replies I guess I know he's wrong but I don't want to admit to myself that it's not going to stop and I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I should also explain that my husband was raised Muslim and I am a convert. So in Islam the wife is supposed to obey her husband and if she doesn't the husband has the right to beat her until she obeys. So thats why sometimes I don't feel justified in leaving or being upset. But I can't belong to a religion that this is okay. I feel broken, how could he tell me loves me and then hurt me.

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

No man is a man who is abusive to a woman...It is NEVER your fault, ever..

No matter what words are spoken, it's gutless, wrong, abusive and against the law.

Honey, thank you for coming here, we are here with you in this.

Tell us where you are from, how old you are, what Country you live in...

You need to get out and get out now.

He thinks having a wife means he can have what he wants, takes what he wants, and abuse when he wants....

He's WRONG sweet....stand tall....

Where are your family?

I am in the U.S and have lived here all my life. I am 20.

**sall** · 11-07-2011 06:30 AM

You should leave him, do not put up with the abuse of any kind and for any reason and that includes any religion muslam or not. If you leave your abusive husband make sure that you change your religon back to what you were before .... a religion that alowes and justyfies abuse is not worth it at all... your life is more important than any religion.... your life is only one you will ever have so you should value it a lot more than what you do right now.
Love, Sall

**Claret** · 11-07-2011 07:22 AM

You live in a country where what he is doing to you is illegal. It is therefore not permitted under the auspices of any religious training or dogma. I personally know several muslim couples, THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN THEIR LIVES, they live under modern and free world mores and morals.

**KMonte85** · 11-07-2011 07:53 AM

anna, it is ridiculous that your husband hides behind his religion has a justification to put his harm you. I, like Claret, personally know a Muslim couple (family), and they have one of the most loving relationships, built on mutual respect.

Your husband doesn't respect you. He treats you like a ragdoll, and please understand that this situation will never get better. You're 20 years old, you've got so much of your life ahead of you. Do you want to spend it being physically/emotionally harmed, and then being called stupid or a donkey for taking offense to it? You do not deserve this, so please get that thought out of your mind!! What he's doing to you is not right. It is not healthy.

Do you have family or friends, somewhere safe, where you can go to for help/support?