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Thread: Crabby!

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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    Default Crabby!


    Any advice on how to deal with a crabby spouse? Typically, my fiance is a great person. Chipper, funny, helpful. But every couple months he goes through what I call "dude PMS" for lack of a better term. During this time, he's a total slob, selectively absent minded, and SO crabby I can barely stand him. This last for 3-7 days or so. He won't tell me what's on his mind (me thinking perhaps it's a bad week at work, or he's feeling sick or whatever) so I'm unable to at least try to ease his mood. In the meantime, I feel like a prisoner in our home - I can't say anything to him without getting the huffy/eye-rolling/door slaming/furled browed/7-year-old-boy-who-got-grounded reaction.

    Here's an example of what I'm dealing with... We always take our shoes off before going inside. On Sunday he went to go sight in his shotguns for deerhunting with a few friends on their farm and he helped them round up steers to get them corralled for their shots. Fine, no problem. The problem was when he came home, tromping his cow-pie covered boots throughout the house, into the living room, sat down on the chair and plopped those poopy boots up on the upholstered footrest. I asked him to take off his boots and leave them at the door so he didn't track mud and cowpoo in the house. The response? "Whatever." followed with a huff and staring blankly at the TV. Now, we're all entitled to have crabby days (Lord knows I have them too lol!), but not to the point that you're disrespectful of your spouse and your own home like that.

    Aside from chaning the locks and sending him to live in the dog's kennel until he's over his dude-PMS, how do I handle this? So far I've been just going with it, knowing that in a matter of couple days he'll be back to his normal self, but I'm honestly starting to get resentful. And that resentful feeling is carrying over into the time when he's over his crabbiness and back to being his happy self again. So I need a new approach...
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson



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    Junior Member Array Found999's Avatar
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    ha ha ha I was laughing while reading this...my fiance acts the same as yours...he always get this crabby days making me sicked and ignoring me...until he can make me cry! there were times he will ignore my calls and messages till i finally decided to call him for the last time...so when he answered I was asking him whats the matter and he says these and that then I'll say these and those...he will say no you are twisting everything I say,when he heard me crying...he stops being crabby! but I dont call him anymore as a part of his punishment! give him a lesson... and he also love to say whatever!!! urgh!

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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    Thanks Found, glad to know I'm not the only one who has to go through this!!!!

    Ugh, I would laugh at the situation if I wasn't living it realtime and so ANNOYED right now! He's uber frustrating to deal with when he's like this. I know it's short lived, but it gets to the point where I either clam up or snap and yell at him, and the hard feelings carry on for a while. Even when I try to talk to him after he's past the dude-PMSand more receptive, he thinks I'm overreacting. Grrr
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson



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    SEPTEMBER 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array BabyGirl's Avatar
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    he helped them round up steers to get them corralled for their shots

    Perhaps, since Steers are Neutered Bulls with no Balls, He may be strutting his Balls to you as a Man who still has his and Doesn't have to Follow anyone's rules but His ?




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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    I'm honestly confused

    Like the other say 21 days, and he came home and did that and you asked him to take his feet off, what is his reaction?

    Is he different those times?

    If you were someone else I'd say,he keeps calm for 21 and loses it 7, meaning he doesn't want a Mum around ..

    But ya not

    What if you were to say, "good on ya, you going to clean the carpet tomorrow babe?" with a smile poke in the belly..Then say "actually, you are" and still smile and walk away...

    IDK I think they fight over authority or Mothers I really do.
    PUT A LITTLE LIGHT IN MY SOUL!

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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    It's crazy! I never really thought it might be a "challenge the authority" thing, but it's totally feasible I guess. It seems like it's every few months. I sometimes think he gets tired of being bossed around at work and so he comes home and lets it all out there. But I don't really know, because he won't actually tell me what's bothering him so much that it makes him act out of character for a while.

    And then I came home yesterday to find his truck in the garage; he had gotten done with work early... so I walk in the door wondering what kind of mood I'm going to get to experience, and find the dishes are done and dinner is half made. He saw on FB that I was going to make chicken soup, so he cut up the veggies and the chicken for me. WTH??? Guess crab-o-mania is done for the next couple months, but I'm still not sure why it started in the first place??

    Maybe just toughing it out for a few days is the best way to go. I wonder what husbands/boyfriends do when their wives/girlfriends are super PMS-y?
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson



  7. #7
    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Sounds like he felt guilty the event even occured Nice one.

    If he's bossed around at work and hates his job and gets even a sniff of being "told" at home, when in that mood, it stands to reason that he would go off, his brain hasn't switched off at what peeved him off that day

    Maybe, like I said, use the reverse fun approach with laughter when getting your point across, ya got to get out of my way when I'm like that I told CD, do what you used to do at the beginning..He used to walk over and smile and hug me, then everything felt alright, he'd say "feel better now?" and I did... If he sighs and walks away when I'm in that mood, I just get madder lols....
    PUT A LITTLE LIGHT IN MY SOUL!

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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    That probably is partially my own weakness that I don't just laugh it off. I'm not an overly sympathetic person. I'm a fixer, a do-er, a teller. I have a hard time with his crabbiness when he won't tell me what the problem is and I didn't do anything (to my knowledge) to cause it, but have to put up with it! And then when he lets his mood effect how he treats our things, our home, then **I** get in my own mood!
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson



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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Or when they eat something when they get home, like lasagna, leave all the left over food in the bowl on the sink, and you have to pour boiling water in it, to soak otherwise you aint getting that food off quickly MEN .lols
    PUT A LITTLE LIGHT IN MY SOUL!

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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    YES MY GUY DOES THAT TOO! lol
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson



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