Thread: Feeling inadequate as a woman.

trust your instincts - they aren't wrong.

I'm really bothered when the term "addiction" is thrown around so haphazardly. There is nothing at all in the original post that points to addiction. It doesn't sound like his porn viewing was interfering with or substituting for his normal sex life.

Your husband sounds similar to mine in that he sometimes judges his enjoyment/performance during sex by your orgasm. Despite my repeated explanations to my husband that I can enjoy sex sometimes without orgasming, I can still tell he sometimes feels that he has failed when I don't cum.

Perhaps your husband felt like this was a reflection on his manhood; that he felt inadequate as a man. But perhaps he didn't want to bring it up to you because then you might feel responsible and pressured to orgasm. So to boost his sexual self esteem, he was hoping to surprise you with his new mind blowing moves.

Feeling hurt that he went behind your back isn't wrong, but it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship, and if this is an isolated incident, I hope you can give him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he really felt like he was trying to do a good thing for you.

I think that men do this sometimes because men like to see, whereas women like to talk and get close. Remember as teenager, the boys goal was intercourse whereas the girl just wanted to kiss and make out and be held tight. Men are just different. I don't like the porn stuff, but my husband has always looked at it from time to time. He was angry at me the other day when I asked him about it but mostly he was angry because I was snooping on his computer...which I should be able to do when ever I want, but I have a history of snooping and creating problems within our network that we have at home. He works in information technology so he has all this stuff going and I have a history of disabling them etc. Well the other day I ran across in his history a porn site. He was really angry. I think he was embarrassed as well as angry but he said it is just like buying a playboy which he use to do occasionally when we were younger and I never said anything then so why am I saying anything now. I know that now I am saying something because of how I feel as a women. I was diagnosed with MS 10 years ago and have put on some weight now and I am now 50 years old, so the girls on the porn look a lot better than I do. That makes me feel like I am nothing now. My husband assures me that how I look is in my head and he sees me the same as the day I walked down the isle 33 years ago, but he has always looked at porn from time to time. I think for me, it is my problem more than his because I have changed, he has not. So I am working on this issue. I understand how you feel, and I don't have an answer for you, except trust your instincts. You know if he loves you or not and you know what this porn situation is all about. If it interfers with your marriage you may more of a problem than your self imagine..but you have not determined that as of yet. Best wishes ...Jean