Thread: Sexless Marriage

Have you considered marital counseling? Not to push this off, but it seems you both need to learn how to communicate more. He needs to grasp how miserable you are.

This is really sad that he could not make you happy and the fact that he has no interest in sex is something really painful and how come two individuals under the same roof live so distantly. Is it possible. I have never imagined marriage ends up like this

Have you considered getting YOU the help you deserve to understand the addict? I was married for almost 15 years to a man who sounds a lot like your husband. Before we were married, i though I knew him. Once we were married, a different guy showed up. I knew he used, but didnt completely understand how badly addiction controls a person. I focused on me, and didn't let his choices control my happiness. It was something I had to learn, detachment. He never understood how his actions affected me and our two sons. He never did get clean, always lied, and we ended up divorced. But, it didn't need to be that way. Communication and understanding what each other is going through is key.

Thanks for the responses everyone. And I agree, we both need to communicate more. Somewhere along the line we just stopped talking.
I decided to show this thread to my husband. I figured that since I seem to have a hard time telling him verbally how I feel, I would let him read it. He read it over, was quiet for a few minutes, and then said that he wishes he knew why he acts the way he does too. That's been the end of the discussion, tho.
Maybe you are all right and counseling is in order. Financially, that is just not an option right now. Years of his not working steadily combined with all of the loans he took out to finance the addiction (and yes, I was completely unaware of all of these loans at the time) have left us in a financial mess.

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. I agree with others that counseling would be ideal, but if you can't afford it, then you'll have to work this out on your own. My advice would be to just take it in steps. First step is to consider what your future will be like if you stay with him and to decide if that is something you can live with. I know from experience that drug addictions are not usually beat after just one try--most people will relapse. Is this something that you want to deal with for potentially the rest of your life? If you can commit to that, then you just have to figure out the next step. What is the next thing you can start working on to make thing more like they used to be. Is the debt making you both stressed out and unhappy?--make lists, come up with a step by step plan to deal with it. Maybe the closer you can get to having things back to normal, the easier it will be for him to go back to how things used to be. But then I'm an organization freak and making lists and plans always makes me feel better and more in control of a situation Also, in regards to the counseling: have you looked into counseling that services low-income families. You might be able to get some help for very little money.