Am I blowing this out of proportion?

**Elma21** · 12-09-2011 08:18 AM

I need advice from other women if I am feeling the way I shouldnt. I work in retail, and yesterday at around 9:00 my husband comes in and surprises me.(this was the first time he has visited) Well he came in to buy me a dress that I had been wanting and that he liked too. I thought this was so sweet. There was only me, my assistant manager and one other girl that were closing. The mall closes at 9:30. Well after my husband bought the dress, I told him I would kiss him and give him a huge hug but it wouldn't be professional and we were still haven't customers in the store. Okay, well the store closed and me and the other associate's job is to replenish the store. When he first arrived I had introduced him to both people. THIS IS THE PART THAT I NEED ADVICE. The other associate was close to him straighting the front part of the store and he was talking to her while he was sitting down. That I do not mind. Fine. The part that irritates me is that he decides he is going to get up and go talk to my associate manager who is counting money at the cash register, I mean I don't really mind that it was only a for a few, and my husband is dominican and my associate manager speaks spanish, but THEN he makes his way over to the other associate while she is sizing and straightening clothes. and here is his wifey in the back half minding her own business straightening dresses. When I asked him about it he said he didn't come and talk to me because of what I told him earlier about how it wasn't professional, but the store was closed. He could have stood and talked to me instead of talking to the other girl. IDK then when I ask him about it "he doesn't have time for this right now, F**** you then" blah blah... I felt really embarrassed leaving the store and i felt like my assistant manager was wondering why he was talking to them so much and not me. It really hurt. I mean he buys me a dress, and kinda blows me off. But he claims its because I was working and I said something about wanting to be professional. IDK i just find the whole thing weird. Am I being crazy?? Sorry for the long thread I am just still sooo mad. I had trouble sleeping last night. Then I get blown up on again this morning before he goes to work. I'm tired. Help would be greatly appreciated

**Claret** · 12-09-2011 08:42 AM

I think you read too much into his actions. He was leaving you to do your work so that you wouldn't get in to any type of trouble. He was being friendly with your co-workers because he was just being friendly. I honestly think that if I were you, I'd apologize to him for creating a scene. Your assistant manager would not have wondered why he was talking to them and not you. Your assistant manager either thought A), what a friendly guy or B) I have to speak to my employees about not having boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands etc. stay in the store beyond closing time.

**KMonte85** · 12-09-2011 08:43 AM

In my humble opinion, I think you both blew the situation completely out of proportion.

I can see how your husband didn't want to approach you out of professionalism you want to show at work. He misinterpreted what you meant, and that is fair enough. And if you really wanted him to come over by you while he was talking to your coworkers, you could have flagged him over or otherwise invited him to walk over by where you were working. I don't think it was worth the questioning.

I'm curious in what tone you brought it up? You were irritated, and that may have come off as accusatory when asking. However, your husband really needs to show a bit of restraint. Although I think he was totally innocent in what he was doing, he should NOT have blown up at you the way he did, telling you off, and blowing up again in the morning because you asked him why he acted that way. To me, that's major overkill for what was a simple misunderstanding. Maybe he was offended by the implication that he was doing something bad after coming all the way there to buy you a gift, but regardless he could have handled that better and spoken to you in a nicer way.

Seems there's a communication issue. If you want to fix it, when he's home from work, sit him down and apologize for the situation getting out of hand (but don't take fault, because no one was inherently "wrong" here). Tell him you were just wondering why he would do that, and that you didn't realize your comment earlier about being professional was taken as an instruction not to come near you at work. Then tell him how much it upset you that when you brought it up, he blew up at you, and you really wish he would have responded to you differently.

**Elma21** · 12-09-2011 09:04 AM

Thanks for your comment. I just wanted to clear up though, that I did not make a scene at work. I kept it for us to talk about in private. And like I said with the assistant manager, it was just a feeling I had, I didnt think it was the right one. But thanks for the response. I'm just going to let it go. I just needed other womens advice besides my own brain. lol

**Elma21** · 12-09-2011 09:11 AM

and KMonte85, when I did bring it up it actually was a calm town. But I guess he just felt question. I said something like "its not that I am jealous, Im just wondering why..." and then yah...and as for the blow up this morning. It was because I was making him lunch and he is on a diet and I asked him a few times about making him a turkey wrap that is low carb. He said he didn't want it. I told him there wasnt a lot of opions for lunch because we were out of alot and he thought I was trying to make him eat and I didn't want him to lose weight and started going off. Again, I was calm. Im workin staying calm because I have had issues with this in our past. He cussed me out. I went to the room and he left without saying good bye. I text him to tell him I was sorry for offending him. I didn't mean to I was just tryiing to help. and I am still waiting for a response. IDK I feel like I maybe pushed more than he wanted but my intentions were good. Sorry Im venting about something else. ugh. So its going to be a great day when he gets home from work basically.

**KMonte85** · 12-09-2011 10:24 AM

It just seems so odd that he would fly off the handle for what are miniscule things. I mean, why the outrage? Why take what should be a calm annoyance and crank the amp to 11?

Is he always like this, or is the behavior recent?

**Elma21** · 12-09-2011 11:30 AM

I mean..we have had some issues lately. He does have a temper and when he gets mad he can't control his mouth.I mean we all say things we don't mean or wish we could take back, but man...it doesn't mean it doesn't cut you like a knife. idk...maybe its me.

**KMonte85** · 12-09-2011 11:43 AM

No, it's not you. Words hurt, so don't feel like it is "you" because you're hurt when he says hurtful things.

Yes, we're all guilty of saying things we don't mean, or saying what we mean in a critical/hurtful way. But the beauty is that we have control over what comes out of our mouths. If a person knows they have a temper and are prone to saying hurtful things out of anger, he or she has the ability to recognize when a situation is becoming too much and can/should walk away before hurtful things are said.

I obviously don't know the dynamics of your relationship with your husband, but it seems like he's willing, ready, and able to spew out angry words at you for what could be considered minor offenses from what you've posted here. If it were me, I would tell him that behavior wasn't going to be acceptable anymore. A spouse should be able to say whatever they need to, to have a conversation, good or bad, in a civil manner.

**Elma21** · 12-09-2011 12:21 PM

I completely agree. My intentions of this morning incident were not by any means trying to start an argument I did text him again told him I loved him. He ignored me...and then he text me later on a completely different topic. I asked him if he was still mad at me and he said "he doesn't have time for nonsense.." I mean I don't either, but I'm just letting it be. I guess things will work out. Thanks a lot for your advice and your words. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about any of this and you have calmed me down and helped me out soo much. God bless you KMonte

**KMonte85** · 12-09-2011 02:45 PM

I hope your husband cheers up a little bit. There's no sense in letting yourself get worked up, and your mood ruined by little things. Life is too short!

And don't feel alone, you've got us here Elma! We're here for you, here to listen, to bounce ideas off of, the get advice (and to get some too), and also here to just be silly and have some fun from time to time. I hope you stick around