I need advice dealing with her "jealousies"

**jns** · 12-30-2011 06:56 PM

SJ, ask her what she wants you to do about the various situations. That will cause her to think critically about them or give you ammunition about her acting irrationally. It sounds like Sluggo and the daughter-in-law cannot handle the truth. See if your wife can and go from there.

**BabyGirl** · 12-30-2011 07:04 PM

I was wondering where you had been Jim ?
Now I see things have been Busy with you .

Am I wrong in the " sluggo " being the Son in Law that you loaned/ Sold the Bike to ?
It matters not, but if it was, you really went out of your way for DIL & Lazy SIL. ( at that time ).

In Each and Every Post that I have read from you,in over 1 1/2 years, whether it be asking Advise from us or Helping Others. You have always mentioned your love for your wife. Your Pride in her and the Fact that she is " THE ONE ".

So, now, you just need to let go a bit, Not of your Love for her, but let her learn just how much you love her by being There. Even through these Bad times, for you & her.
Holidays are Hard, Deaths are Hard and negativity breeds even harder.

So I am going to say something and I hope you will at least " Take to Heart ".

1) You have offered Counseling, she either will go or won't. Make an Appointment for an " Interview " to Decide if you two do need Marital Counseling.

This way she may not feel Obligated or Forced into " Is Our Marriage Bad and Lets Fix it and have Strangers help us ".
Just make the appt when you know she is available and then ask her to go, if she won't then at least go yourself .

2) Being in AA over 20 years is something to be Proud of. And you know that even she isn't worth losing your Sobriety. Not saying you will but, You know what you need to do to Stabilize and Stay Stabilized.

3) Be strong, let her know you Love her, let her know that if there are Problems, they can be Fixed with Communication and Dedication. Let her know that rough times, even rough times with her & DIL & SIL, Can be Stabilized also.

But it must be done together and One Day at a Time. And she must work her own Program. Her Jealousy or Fears.

Then you Jim,

Must decide Day to Day what you Can or Can't do. You Know the Drill.

Hugz & Luvz to you, Non Sexual if your people read it .

**lizzardb63** · 12-30-2011 09:34 PM

Congrats on 20+ years of being sober.

**SaharaJim** · 01-02-2012 12:36 PM

Thanks everyone. Things are getting "better". Wife has been sick with the flu but she is seeming more like herself. The trip down to father's death was exactly that, she brought back some of his ashes. And she has agreed that when our Parish Priest is back we will find a Marital Counselor that he can "recommend". It somehow seems that whatever "craziness" effected her has "subsided". I don't really know what to think ....other than to be "grateful"

But i will be watching her for signs of the "return to crazy" and hoping that the "counseling" works out.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-02-2012 01:00 PM

Sahara, it will all work out if she is willing to find the cause of it...

It seems to me that she has a very difficult time loosing someone and in that, a fear of loosing you, or the next person, people that mean something to her, in her life.... She may have to go back into herself to understand why she has a fear of loosing, or rejection but she will, if she is willing.

Best wishes to you .

**SaharaJim** · 01-06-2012 09:17 AM

Just a quick "update". We have a "couselor" selected and will schedule an appointment this next week. Things have settle down and my wife seems almost "herself"

. But I am going to "push" the "counseling"....before the full moon rises again

.

**SaharaJim** · 03-02-2012 01:19 PM

Well...when I said that she might be "setting up her flight"; I was right only she was getting a job in Florida. She got the confirmation this week and told me she is leaving today. I mean she is leaving in two weeks - she told me today. I must say I feel like a fool. But i guess it was a certainty when I stopped letting her children wipe their feet on me like I let her do it. I just hope to get out of this and I will think "LONG AND HARD" about ever putting myself in this position again.

**KMonte85** · 03-02-2012 02:21 PM

Oh my, Sahara... I am very sorry to have read this most recent turn of events. Is there any way of salvaging your marriage? Is she willing to listen to reason and try to make this work?

Do you even want to go there at this point?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-02-2012 02:31 PM

Sahara,

I hope she just needs to find herself and has used this for a distraction for the time being and it all ends up with a happy ending, so sorry ....

**SaharaJim** · 03-02-2012 02:44 PM

KMonte85....thanks for your kind thoughts. As far as salvaging the marriage...I don't think so. She didn't tell me of her "intentions" until she was at a point where she could no longer hide her plans. Right now I am not sure how I feel. Some sad.....I do love this woman. Some angry...I feel I have made endless "sacrifices"for her and her children. And the return is a kick in the teeth and "I've got a job in Florida; I have to be there in two weeks --so I thought I would tell you. I will need a reciever hitch put on my truck". I assume she thought I was going to do that. Some disappointed...I feel like I have supported her in everything she wanted to do...and she was just waiting for an "excuse" to bail out. But she's been carefully "planning"...even to convincing me that our Joint tax return (made of taxes I paid and interest on the home mortgage I paid) be placed in her separate account that I have no acces to. I put her on my account the week we got back from our honeymoon. All in all - I feel like I have been "played" for a "chump".