Over the Honeymoon stage

**vvip** · 01-05-2012 04:01 AM

so me and my fiance are high school sweet hearts in the past 4 years we have gone out we have rented our own place, gone to futher education and got my Diploma in Business Administration and he has done a couple of computer courses and of course worked... the first 2 years of the relationship we were inseperable the best couple ever to all of our friends and i love that title the 'meant to be couple'.. but things have begun to annoy me now, He doesnt have motivation to study more or go look for work (he got a job at my cusions game store which he has only worked 2 months out of the whole 4 years we have dated) I once had 3 jobs putting financial pressure on me, and ive always had a job... he doesnt cook or clean i do all of that and when i do ask him if he could sweep the floors or mop the floors or do dishers or put a load of washing on he goes isnt that a women's job and ignores me or he says yea i will and never will and if i say are you going to do that he says yes in my spare time stop nagging me, when ill ask him once if he will get around to it. I like to be the housewife figure im an inspiration to my friends as they have said many times but i cant cope with 38 hrs a week stressful job plus cooking and cleaning and shopping and i travel 4 hours a day to get to work and back home. he complains if i let anything slip like gym or putting food on the table or not spending time with him if he wants to, he also gets sex when he wants but then again i do want the sex too but when i instigate it it never happens... he had the nerve to ask me if i can pay for the $10,000 trip to japan in 2013.. i have a diary which has everything i have to do everyday to ensure everything is perfect but i want him to pull his weight around instead of being on his computer 12hrs to 20 hrs a day
the worst part is when i discuss about our wedding he never wants to talk about it. i feel like i have lost my respect and love for him... i really dont want to end it with him i think the worse thing is we will be cut if i ever broke it off with him... i just want things to change

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-05-2012 05:21 AM

What does he do on his computer 12 to 20 hrs a day, not much left for sleeping?

He sounds as if it is all about him can you deal with that in the future?

You already know the answer he has worked 2 months in 4 years and wants you to pay $10k for holidays...

He wants you to support, clean, cook he has nothing in his life, wake him up or walk don't you dare pay $10k you will not get it back, what is he watching on the computer?

He has lost his direction big time and "expects" you to pick up the tab

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-05-2012 06:57 AM

I like to be the housewife figure

A housewife is someone who does not work outside of the home. A housewife is someone who stays in the home while her partner works a public job and therefore has the time to do all the cleaning and tidying and cooking that she wants to do. You are the breadwinner, the responsible adult, AND the housewife. In addition, I'd be willing to bet he shows you very little positive attention. Whens the last time he told you you were beautiful? Or planned something special to make you happy? When's the last time you truly felt loved, respected, and cherished by this man?

You're so hung up (no offense intended here) on being a "model housewife" to everyone else, that you're not seeing that you're totally getting the screws put to you here. He's doing absolutely nothing. It that REALLY a woman's job? Perhaps he's a decent guy, but it really doesn't sound that way. It sounds VERY much like he's using you in a big big way. He's getting what he wants: money, bills paid, food cooked, house cleaned, sex when HE wants it (who cares about when YOU want it, right?), a woman who takes care of her fitness and works very hard at her job and that will accept his criticism if she slacks off on ANY of those............... all the while he sits back and does what? Absolutely NOTHING.

No wonder you've lost your respect and love for him. It's time to send this guy packing.

**vvip** · 01-05-2012 07:37 AM

He is a really nice guy its just those things that annoy me.. i hope he changes he acts like hes 16 instead of 23.. I cant see his future but can see mine very clear. he is on his computer gaming he has over 1000 games then there is youtube and constantly buys them with whatever he has left over from his dole check... i always.come up with the.romantic times he always says u make the plans i dont know what to do... ive mentioned even fun things like bowling or going to the.arcade because he is bored with just dinners cause there is no conversation unless i talk about his games... he does say im sexy and beautiful and keep up with gym ur doing great... mabey i should have a flat out conversation with him of what i want out of life? exfept i dont knowghts.how to really say it... any advice or someone who feels.like me? Im not insecure or anything i do have a great social.life with friends.and go out to the tavern most friday nights... im constantly on the go and i dont really know how.to relax and dont really have a hobby or interest where he is on the chill side of life and takes every day as it comes

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-05-2012 08:00 AM

where he is on the chill side of life and takes every day as it comes

It's easy to be on the "chill" side of life when you have no responsibilities and have someone taking care of you. And it's great that he encouarges you to stick with the gym, but didn't you also mention that he criticizes you if you DON'T go? Or if you don't cook or clean or do all your duties? (Which just happen to be ALL the duties).

**grrrr** · 01-05-2012 09:05 PM

This guy is working my last nerve!

I think that you should have a frank conversation with him about goals and the future. It's awesome that you have direction - you're young and clearly are motivated.

A compliment here and there is not the same as respect.

I don't mean to be insulting to him, and certainly not to you! I think it would be odd if his behavior didn't annoy you. Perhaps he doesn't know how to get to where he wants to be, so talking with him could help - perhaps he could talk to a admissions counselor at the school where he took classes to shed light on courses that he could take. He's either stuck or taking advantage.

**jns** · 01-05-2012 09:22 PM

He sounds depressed, but the depression is due to not doing anything with his life. He can counteract the depression by quitting the computer games and going to work, even if it is volunteering. If he is not willing to move forward, find someone who will.