Thread: Can it be fixed?

Even if he stops going to counseling, I would continue doing personal counseling.

This is indeed a sad story. It sounds like he's putting little to no effort in your marriage at all. As far as him being a great father...wouldn't that be an easy task if YOU are doing 90% of the parenting? Why do men get brownie points for loving or paying attention to their kids? It's their JOB as a man, a husband and a father.... just like it's your job to love and care for your children. He shouldn't be getting kudos for being a good dad when he's having to do nothing. Wanting you to stay home with the kids means for him a free pass from doing ANYTHING around the house, therefore promoting even more laziness on his part. Now he can say that since you stay at home, taking care of the kids and the house is your JOB. Some men want their wives to stay home because they genuinely feel it's best for all involved. Those men respect the fact that the woman works from daylight to dawn and when they get home from work they chip in as a loving partner. Other men abuse that type of situation to the fullest. He works all day then gets to come home and do whatever he wants until bedtime. You work all day then have to work all evening trying to take care of the kids AND him. He asks you for bj's but makes no effort to satisfy ANY needs you have. He's selfish. He's lazy. And he is wrong.

A partner who criticizes their partner like that, nitpicks their partner like that is suffering from self esteem issues big time. You losing weight and doing a better job taking care of things is probably threatening his ego even more, even though he said it's what he wanted. You're losing weight, you're trying to take better care of yourself in addition to raising a family and keeping a house...you're superwoman. And he's overweight, I suspect doing nothing to make that any different, lazy, self serving, low self esteem etc.

Words are words. He's showing you in every aspect of life that he doesn't consider you or your marriage worth any effort. You deserve much much more than that.

Ditto to everything BD said. The following supposes your marriage is indeed over because of his selfishness and refusal to change:
Is there anywhere you can go with your kids, since he won't leave? Your parents' house, a best friend, a single mother you know who needs help paying her mortgage and would let you be a roommate (bonus points: this would still give you the relative freedom having two adults in the house provides.) What is your housing situation: rented, owned? Is your name on the lease? Is your name on the utilities? If it is, can you take it off or shut them off to avoid him impacting your credit?
What is your career? Can you get a job in it quickly? Does it pay well enough to support you and your children (with daycare costs, as necessary) without any support from your husband as long as it takes to get a court order for financial support? (Or potentially long-term, if he refuses to pay?) Are you opposed to applying for government aid in the interim?

Thank you for your help. I know now that I need to get out. It's not getting any better. I have a college diploma and I've started applying for jobs. We have a house that is almost paid for so I am guessing I would get half of that. My family isn't an option but I've starting saving money from babysitting part time so slowly, I'm getting there. I've started seeing a therapist and I'm feeling good about this decision. I feel a lot more hopeful. I just don't know how or when to tell him.

Sally