Am I making a mt out of a mole hill or was that insensitive

**sp346** · 01-25-2012 07:30 AM

I bought my husband a TV and headset for Christman to put in our bedroom. It wasn't the price of the gift, but what I was giving up to get him this gift. I hate having the TV in the bedroom and I can't sleep with it on. That was why I got him the headsets. So its been a month since Christmas and he still hasn't connected the headset, but he will watch TV in the bedroom at night which bothers me.

Last night he had the TV, the lights and the laptop on while I was trying to sleep. I asked him to either turn off the TV or the lights so I can try to sleep. He didn't. I got frustrated and grabbed my pillow and went to the other room to sleep. He didn't stop me or offer to turn anything off. A few hours later, after he was done watching TV, he came to get me from the other room. By then I was fast a sleep and didn't want to move. He doesn't like sleeping alone, so he kept trying to get me to move. Finally he gave up and crawled into the bed with me.

I am mad because he can't be considerate enough to turn off one of many electronic devices he had going on to let me sleep in my own bedroom. Am I overreacting? I feel like he takes me for granted, that its fine for me to sleep in the other room and then come back whenever he is ready for bed. I make this sacrifice to give him something he really enjoys, but I hate and all I get back in return is this inconsideration!

**Claret** · 01-25-2012 07:33 AM

The simple solution would be to place the TV in the other room. Explain to him that you thought you could compromise with him having it on in the bedroom, only by using the headsets, but that it just isn't working. He could watch his shows, play on the computer -- whatever-- to his hearts content, then come to your bedroom to sleep. Why should you loose sleep if he is the night owl?
editing to add: in almost 30 years of being together, my husband and I have never had a TV on in the bedroom, we don't take our computers there either. At the worst we may read for a while, but generally will turn the lights off at the same time. The kids never had TVs in their bedroom either. Good sleep habits will help you fight stress not create stress.

**KMonte85** · 01-25-2012 07:48 AM

TV, computers, etc really don't belong in the bedroom, in my opinion.. but I know lots of people do, so to each their own I suppose. If they ARE there, they should never be on when someone is trying to actually sleep. It is disruptive to a person's sleep patterns, and makes for a tired and grumpy person in the AM.

Your husband was being very inconsiderate of you, both for not turning off the lights and electronics when you wanted to sleep AND for bothering you when he decided he was ready to sleep and wanted you with him. So, no sp, you are not overracting by being irritated with his behavior.

Time to have a talk about bedroom/sleeping habits before the frustration festers and turns into something more intense than it needs to be. That TV needs to be removed from your bedroom if he won't turn it off when you're trying to sleep, and he needs to understand that if he's not ready to sleep and wants to watch TV, then it is HIS responsibility to go out in the living room (or wherever) and do as he likes until he's tired, THEN come to bed. It is not at all an unreasonable request, so don't feel bad about making it.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-25-2012 07:58 AM

He was being incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. With that said, if you truly can't sleep with it on, it doesn't need to be in there. I'm like you, I CANNOT sleep with a TV on. I would be livid if someone was knowingly keeping me from my sleep so they could watch the tube. If I am in bed sleeping and you want to watch TV, GO IN THE LIVING ROOM or other room with a TV. It's that simple. Don't sit there and torture the other person who is trying to sleep. Then let you get up out of your comfy bed and move to another room, only to come waking you up AGAIN because he doesn't want to sleep alone. Ummm........ I call "big spoiled baby" on that one.

It should either be agreed upon the the TV will NOT be in use while you are trying to sleep, or it needs to be moved to another room.

**stariana** · 01-25-2012 08:06 AM

a friend of mine went through the exact same experience with her husband, bought him the headset thinking it would prevent her having to hear the TV on while trying to sleep. yeah, he didn't use them either . . . i agree with the others, TV doesn't belong in a bedroom ; )

**Seeker_Advice** · 01-26-2012 03:39 PM

Bedrooms are meant for sleeping and sex......ONLY!

From a medical perspective, there have been numerous studies done by several well known clinics, hospitals, universities, etc. that have all reached the same conclusion. Electronic stimuli of ANY kind does not belong in the bedroom.

Sleep deprevation is a HUGE problem, especially in the U.S. and a big part of that is due to all of the electrical garbage we have moved into the bedroom.

So move the T.V. into an alternate bedroom before it further contributes to your physical decline. It's just that simple.

To support your argument, send your husband to sites for Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, webMD, JAMA, the Lancet, Harvard Medical School and have him type Sleep Depravation into their search windows.

**sp346** · 01-26-2012 08:06 PM

I totally agree about the TV in the bedroom. That is why I tried to keep it out. But my husband would constantly fall asleep on the couch in front of the TV half the night. By having the TV in the room, I thought at least he would be in the bed with me. I always make a point of asking him to turn off one - TV or lights and also to turn the volumn down. I am trying to be considerate because my husband works long hours at a stressful job. I just wish he would show the same consideration for me

**Seeker_Advice** · 01-27-2012 04:25 PM

Sounds to me like you need to re-evaluate the whole "TV in the house" subject. Life is stressful, Work is stressful...the last thing any of us want is a stressful marriage.

Being considerate is one thing. Being taken advantage of is another.

There are many other ways to cope/deal with stress besides shutting your wife out while zoning out in front of the TV. Perhaps you and he should try some alternatives before his TV watching becomes one of them (another stressful thing).