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Reply With Quote" Am I ready to move on? How do I know? "
Since you're looking for some place to live without him, you obviously are ready!
Did you 2 ever discuss why this has happened in the last 2 years; or are you just ready to leave and it doesn't matter why?
Need some advice please
Ok, I have not been happy in my 17 year marriage for 2 years. My husband is 17 years older than I ( I am45). He has gotten heavy, we have not had sex in 2 years and I feel him just a roommate. I feel my marriage is ending but how can I know for sure? I feel I only love him as a long time friend. I started looking for a house to rent on the qt and felt ok about it. Am I ready to move on? How do I know?
" Am I ready to move on? How do I know? "
Since you're looking for some place to live without him, you obviously are ready!
Did you 2 ever discuss why this has happened in the last 2 years; or are you just ready to leave and it doesn't matter why?
Quitters never win; Winners don't give in
I have talked with him over and over. He acts like " well, what can I do about being fat, my thing not working?" I just have guessed its losing battle. I think your right about looking for a place and being ready, I just needed to talk to somone about this and how I feel. Its scary as I have never been on my own. Went from home to the army to being married. I think I can do it, it will be different. I just needed people to put their remarks out there for me to ponder and read. I don't have anyone to talk to, no family and new to this town so no friends, just co workers. How do I live on my own? Will I be able to take myself out places or will I not leave the house?
Dogsrule
Hi ...I don't think I have the answer you are looking for but I do have a couple of questions. I am not quite sure why you are leaving? Is it because you are not in love with him anymore, or is it becasue he is fat, or is it because you have not had sex in two years? Maybe it was all of the above. I guess if I were you I would ask myself why have we not had sex in two years. Is he that obese that you can't have sex, or is it you who does not want to have sex and he knows it. If it is you, I think the anwser to your question is easy. You don't love him anymore and you are ready to move on. If this is the case, then why bring up anything about him being fat. How does him being fat create an enviroment where you want to leave. I am confused. If you are leaving because he is fat and he refuses to do anything about it, I believe that some counseling may be in order for him and you. I can't really say because I am not sure I completely understand what the direct issue is.
If his problem is about the weight, he can always see a doctor and start a regimen.Originally Posted by dogsrule
He can also check into those "male-enhancement" drugs... LOL
He still has to ask his doctor if his health will permit the use of those "enhancement" alternatives .
Now he's about 62, so he really should be trying to take better care of himself.
He also sounds depressed, D-Rule.
You know, with depression, a lot of times people don't even know they're depressed--they just know that something is wrong and they figure it will pass. Another thing too: Older people in that age range are very skeptical about seeing a psychiatrist.
But D-Rule, if you really think it's over and you don't want anything more of the relationship after 17 years (sounds like you are) then it's on you what you want to do.
You can live by yourself. You know how to pay bills, don't you? You know how to grocery shop, don't you? You know how to lock up, right?
Then you won't have any problem.
Quitters never win; Winners don't give in
I talked to him last night telling him I rented a appartment and I want him to decide what he wants to do, where to live. The reason we don't have sex is his part doesnt work anymore and due to all the medications he is on, he cannot take the enhancement drugs. He has tried, no luck & dr. doesnt recomend he do that. The fat issues is the least of the problems, I just am not attracted to him but would have sex with him if he worked. I can pay bills etc I guess I am scared. After all our talking last night he proposed that we rent a place together strictly as roommates as that is how I feel and he still loves me. He said no commitement or expectations and with the price of rent cut in 1/2 since we would spilt, I told him I would give it a go. He asked if I date if I do it without him knowing and I told him am happy to come and go and start a new life, I wasnt ready to start dating. I have a car payment and with 2 dogs and rents high I chose this for now until we see if it doesntwork. I also made an appoinment with a counselor ( just me) to talk about this. Thank you so much for reading and writing to me. What do you think of this arrangement?
Dogsrule
Thank you for answering my questions. I understand more clearly now why you believe that you should get an apartment and start a new life without him. I guess I am surprised that he didn't have more concerns about your plan to move out and end the marriage...or I have to ask myself, is he just very clever. You know him better than me. It seems that you are not leaving him at all. He is moving in with you. It all makes financial sense but I am not sure that it makes sense in terms of you starting a new life. It seems that it is the same relationship but in a different enviroment. You may not sleep together, but you will still be living together. I believe that you are on the right tract to see a counselor to discuss this situation. Good luck to whatever you decide.
thank you Jean. I agree about the same enviroment. I just have to try for the years we have been married. He is a great guy, we have just come full circle. I am sure his motives are that I will change my mind and be the wife I am now again without these thoughts of ending our marriage. I went out last night by myself to a "business after hours" trying to push myself in meeting people and it felt good. I didnt stay long but I did try to mingle. I think I am on the right track and hope financially I can save as much money as I can so when this roommate situation falls apart. NOt many guys would do this for their gal who wants to leave him. I will keep you all posted. Thank you girls.
Dogsrule
Dogsrule, I am so proud of you.
You show the courage and intellect to get off the Titanic
before it sinks.
It is never too late to move on.
It takes not as much practice to snap into 'single woman'
mode as one thinks. You go out, you meet people, and
you stand on your own.
Always remind yourself that if you got fat and lazy at
the ate of thirty he'd of had no problem dumping you.
You are very wise to be able to recognise the financial
aspect of ending a relationship. Many women, esp.
those who discover their husband's infidelity race into
the night with nothing, and regret it later.
Moving your relationship from marriage to roomate is
how you wean yourself, and emerge very strong.
this might be an assumption? or do we all leave our wives if they get fat & lazy?
i think your roommate scenario is a little cruel. you've acknowledged that he probably is hoping for a change of heart. the poor guy can't help biology & i imagine he feels a little inadequate since his lack of performance has caused you to be unattracted to him.
if you're leaving - leave. don't lead the poor guy into a false sense of hopefulness. leave & let him begin the process of healing.
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