Husband has moved out

**sp346** · 02-07-2012 07:58 AM

kwheel, it is possible to love somebody and not be in-love with them. Its when you care for somebody as a family or friend, but you don't have sexual attraction, you don't have this desire to spend your entire life with them, your happiness doesn't depend on their happiness, etc. As you say more, it seems like there were issues with your relationship, but because they happened slowly over a long perior of time, you didn't notice them. I really do think there if hope for both of you IF your husband is willing to go to couple's counselling. Ask him if he will go to resolve issues between you two so you can still remain friends and be good parents together. Maybe that will be a start. Then you can assess if it really is possible to rekindle things with him or if he truely has moved on. You will need that closure for yourself if this really is the end of the marriage.

**scottyboy** · 02-07-2012 02:47 PM

Falling out of love with someone does not just happen overnight your followups to your OP certainly shed more light on what has taken place in your marriage. I hope that in the end you are able to pick up the pieces and move oin with your life, regardless of what your husband decides to do.

**jns** · 02-07-2012 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by kwheel

We had not had sex in a year.................I had a miscarriage and was physically not able to for a while then it just became so long that it became hard to be intimate. He in no way was acting like he was missing it and then when I was ready he would not have any part in it. I asked him one night if we would ever make love again and he said he didnt know. I offered myself one last time days before he left and he said he was tired and that was that.

It does sound suspicious, like his libido was being fulfilled elsewhere, but stress could have decreased his libido to nothing. I cannot see what he was talking about when he said loveless marriage. When you were ready again, the two of you could have started over to build up the intimacy. Is he pouting like a little boy because you could not have sex for a while?

**kwheel** · 02-08-2012 07:55 AM

I do not think he is having sex with anyone. He could always take it or leave it. So maybe in his mind he's built up this fantasy relationship that doesnt exist. So there's no pouting but as was said men think sex is love. So if there was no sex going on maybe thats why he doesnt feel loved. Those are his exact words I dont feel the love. he only feels like an ATM. He knows how much I love him but right now I think he sees this as a desperate attempt to "save" myself and my happiness. He wants a do over a fresh start. I'm just confused in how you go from an extremely caring individual to just completely shutting down. Its like he just looks through me with no emotion. Part of me thinks hes trying way to hard to shut me out. That hes scared to let the wall down because I've dissapointed him and he doesnt want me to hurt him any more. So its just easier to shut things out and move on. He has a history of doing this with his family. No relationship with his Dad at all. and went years without speaking to his mom and sister. But he has forgiven all but his Dad and does have a relationship with them now. Issues- most definitely but i just feel hes headed for a train wreck but seems happy in being the engineer. My only hope and prayer in this is that he doesnt rush into doing something stupid just for the sake of getting it over and moving on.