Hubby's Love Lust and Lies

**Krysteen** · 07-27-2007 07:34 AM

I have been married for almost 5 years, we have two wonderful children, eldest almost 3 and youngest being 5 months. We have had a friend for 3 years we have known together and she has been a girlfriend, I went shopping with, or just have her over for movies, dinner or drinks. I found out afew weeks ago that she was at my house while I was at work, I found some pictures he took of her and an empty bottle of patron,,, drinking at 3 pm on a Monday. So I invite her over for dinner that Friday, she come over, after dinner I tell them I know that she has been coming over my hse when I am not there,, they were dumb struck,,,, to cut the story short we talked, urgued,,,, and told them not to see each other or communicate to each other,,,, Iwas hurt and felt betrayed. About a week and a half later, he sends her an email, asking to meet with her at a Bar on Friday to say the last goodbye as friends should,,,,, that got me upset,, the fact that he is still trying to reach to her,,,I have told him I will walk out on him,,,, but I cannot seem to get to him,,, last night I slept at my sister's hse, now he is not picking up the phone. I told him we need to see a counselor,, not sure what the problem is out marriage has been ok, we hardly argue or fight,,he says the reason she was availbale and easy, so he took the opportunity,, I need some advice,,, how do I get to him to show him what he did was wrong,,,he acts like he has not remorse,,the fact that he would try to meet with her again shows me the affair was going on for a long time,,, pls help feels like I am involved in a love triangle,,

**housewife** · 07-27-2007 08:47 AM

I did not like the way you handled the situation.
You should have been stronger.

I always tell my married friends don?t allow single women into your homes, they turn into monsters and try to steal your husbands away from you.

Now, go home before it is too late, talk to him (not over the phone),
Be strong and don?t let this steal him.
He might have not had sex with her,
It could be just a friendship.
Give him another chance before you start talking about walking out on him.
Ask him for a closure
What exactly happen between them?
Tell him much that hurt you and your children.
Threat this to stay away from your lives, and let him listen to what you have to say to her.
Don?t talk about counseling now.
First get rid of this monster and make sure that your man is willing to change then suggest counseling.

If he stays the same, then don?t spend the rest of your life with a cheater.

**Krysteen** · 07-27-2007 09:42 AM

When I both confronted then,, I asked her they were sleeping together,,, she said yes,, they both admitted it,, she has the nerves to bring her own condoms,, and take away the used ones back with her,,, what type of a woman would do that,,,,, He told me that he got too comfortab;le with her coming over, and we all got along fine,,,,,

Thanks for the pointers,, I will definately talk to him today, I just asked his sister to check on the Kids, I will probably leave early from work to talk to him. If he had not tried to reach out to her the second time, I could have moved passed this so long as he is willing to work at it. I have already asked her to stay away from him and my family,,, she said she will but I cannot take her word for it,,,,,, She never replied to his email about meeting her,,, so I think he was involved with her on a emotional level and he is feeling bad that she will not reply to his email. I have a feeling he was sleeping with her all along I was pregnant,,,,,,,,,How can a man stoop that low,, when the wife is carrying his child,,,, there are times he did not want to have sex,,, he said it was the belly or not attractive to him,,,now it makes sense why he would not feel atttracted to me if he has something on the side that was not preganant,,,,, I am willing to work on this marriage so long as she is out of his system,,, and our lives

kaylar · 07-27-2007 09:59 AM

This is not a marriage worth saving.
You need his support for the child, but
he is no longer your husband.

He and your friend have had one very long
relationship, which probably, if you had
ignored would continue for the next
twenty years, the gal still playing the
'family friend', the husband still going on
as if everything is perfect.

Let it go.
This is not worth fighting over.
See a lawyer.
You don't need a marriage counselor.

**housewife** · 07-27-2007 10:10 AM

Shame on both of them.

"he said it was the belly or not attractive to him"

The day he told you this, you should have started to open your eyes wide on him.
He should not be bothered by the belly, all men love the way their wives look in their pregnancies.

If the belly was not attractive to him? then why did he put his stinky sperm inside of you to get you pregnant?

As for now, try to work on this; give him a last chance, if he is sorry for what he did,
And if this cheap out of your lives.

One more thing, if 2 people want to contact each other, there are millions of ways other than email.

Finally, if he insists that he is right and you are wrong,
Don?t hesitate to pack up and leave, or kick him out.

kaylar · 07-27-2007 10:29 AM

This is not a marriage worth saving.
You need his support for the child, but
he is no longer your husband.

He and your friend have had one very long
relationship, which probably, if you had
ignored would continue for the next
twenty years, the gal still playing the
'family friend', the husband still going on
as if everything is perfect.

Let it go.
This is not worth fighting over.
See a lawyer.
You don't need a marriage counselor.

**Krysteen** · 07-27-2007 10:46 AM

I agree, I will try and work on it,,, he says he is sorry and apologized profusely,,,, and I let it go,,, he said he was stupid and it will not happen again, he does not want to lose me,,,, than a week later,,, he sends the email,, I lost it, so I realized either he is not taking me and his family seriously, I thought I needed to show him am seriouse and told him we might need some space to think about things, and what he wants to do,, I have already told him what I want,,, he needs to stop seeing her,, if he cannot respect that,, then I need to find other options,,,,

**housewife** · 07-27-2007 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by Krysteen

,,, he says he is sorry and apologized profusely,,,, and I let it go,,, he said he was stupid and it will not happen again, he does not want to lose me,,,, ,,

For him, to recognize his mistake is one step forward.
The next step is to recognize how deeply this hurt you, and deeply apologize for it.
Then, he MUST stop contacting her by all means.
Finally, rebuild what he has damaged, by working on your relationship such as counseling or whatever.

Yet, be careful and keep your eyes wide open.
Because if that happens again (God forbid) it would hurt you more than the first time.

**JubesInquest** · 07-27-2007 11:35 AM

I agree with Housewife & Kaylar.

You never let a woman hang around your house like that. She had her eye on replacing YOU.

Your husband is a snake.
Snakes are poisonous to all around them.

I can't understand how he's gonna talk about your belly not being attractive to him, when you had 2 beautiful babies in there!
Those are HIS children!
What a rat! What a weasel!

Just leave him and start over with your 2 babies.
What comes around goes around, and he will get this very same thing back in his life.

**Ravsoma** · 07-28-2007 11:22 AM

***this post has been edited and deleted by site admin for inappropriate language - remember the rules and be respectful of each other, ladies, or you will be banned!***

Jessica
Site Admin

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