Thread: ??break up over porn addiction??

Originally Posted by Fallen1

I myself have been reading but avoiding posting on these threads but I thought I would finally break my silence and add some of my thoughts on this issue.

I admit, I have watched it a few times out of curiosity and trying to understand it's "lure".

But I, as some struggle with accepting the idea of porn in a relationship and really I can't seem to pinpoint the root of my issues.

Maybe it's because being female I don't understand the "need" for some men to watch.

Maybe it's because I don't understand that if a male has a wonderful sexual relationship, is sexually satisfied with his partner, why does he need it? What is it he's lacking from his partner that needs to be filled from watching?

I feel that porn cheapens the act of having sex. Maybe it's because of my feelings on sex - best described in the thread I posted yesterday entitled "a beautiful description". I don't take sex lightly, I don't think it is a tool or something to be played with. However, I know at times you just get this "animal urge" and just need a good f**k rather than a love making session. < I Hope that made some sense.

I understand what you were trying to say with the lipstick comparison and it does make sense to me somewhat. But to me sex is more important in a relationship than lipstick. It's like comparing apples to oranges so to speak.

Your comment about not all that watch are addicts, I agree, very true.

Yes, there are women who watch porn, women who have no problem with their husbands/boyfriends watching it, and there are some that watch it with them. It is great that they can do this in a relationship without problems.

But just as there are females that have no issues with it, there are also females that do have issues for whatever the reason. I believe that if the female has a problem with it, her S/O should just not ignore her feelings on it and continue on his "merry way". Him ignoring her feelings can be a great deal of the hurt to her, even to the point as to whether or not the relationship is worth the hurt.

BTW, I love your Antonio Banderas comment, gave me a chuckle.

Hope the double quoting doesn't get too hard to read when this is posted.

I agree that the lipstick comparison isn't really right - I just can't think of anything that is similar to porn. It did make me think that it isn't at all obvious what one can ask one's spouse to not do (and threaten to leave if they don't comply)

Some cases are very clear. If your spouse is doing something that causes you physical harm, (like hitting you), obviously it is reasonable to ask them to stop (or just leave) .

If your spouse is spending money that should be used for necessities, on entertainment, you can ask them to stop - but of course one can argue about what is a necessity.

Is is reasonable to ask your spouse to not talk to one of their friends? Does this change if the friend is a former lover?

Can you ask your spouse not to get cosmetic surgery?

Can you ask your spouse not to have sex with someone else. In most cases clearly yes - but what if you don't want to sleep with your spouse - then can you deny them from ever having sex?

Can you ask your spouse to give up an expensive hobby (if you are not in financial trouble)? How about a dangerous hobby.

Can you ask them to not support some political organization that you find objectionable.

And so the question of whether you can ask them to stop watching porn seems just one facet of this.

Please pay attention to thread dates. This thread was originated in 2007 and hasn't been replied to since. Thanks.