I'm not suggesting that someone in a functional happy marriage should "look elsewhere", someone in such a marriage wouldn't be interested in looking elsewhere.

I was thinking of the case where one spouse's needs were not being met. In that case the alternative to "looking elsewhere" is likely to either be simmering resentment on the part of the neglected spouse, or the other spouse feeling blackmailed into sex.

I'm really asking: If someoen is unable or unwilling to have sex with their partner, why shouldn't the partner look elsewhere? Who is hurt by that?

I know that many (most) people have very strong feelings about cheating - just wondering why.

There are many reasons for marrying someone and loving them is one... Now, I know sex doesn't equal love, but having sex with someone else who isn't your partner isn't exactly the best way to show you love them.

Ravsona, I don't recall directing my messages to you.

Ladylane,
I am being what you are looking for. If you were looking for love, I'd be out of it. But you are looking for sex, so I'm in.

I'm very aware you're not directing any messages to me, but I'm addressing them anyway.

Telling a woman that you'll treat them like a piece of meat is not a very good come-on. Why don't you try showing some respect? Usually, pieces of meat are cooked on a grilled and served with mustard and ketchup. Do you really want someone to feel like that... or even have your wife know you're doing that.
The majority of this forum is female and I can safely say that not many of them would like to hear that come out of a man's mouth. Watch yourself.

By the way, you're complaining about how she's not responding to you... Even think there's a reason why she isn't?

Also, my name is Ravsoma, not Ravsona.

Hold the fire there, guys.

rcorey - I agree with you. I am very happily married. No one I could possibly meet could understand me as my husband does, nothing that could happen between me and another person could compare with what my husband and I have been through in the eight years of our marriage. But what if one specific thing wasn't being met? I'm trying to think of comparisons but I can't find anything as big as sex. Which is why I was here in the first place. Dilemma, dilemma.

Rav - you were so right on with your "sex doesn't equal love" post. Very simply stated, and right on the nose. But then I think, so how are you showing you love someone when you won't touch them for your own reasons, and knowing they need it and want it, still won't do it? Again, dilemma.

Photog, I don't even need to see you to know that there's no chance... if something were to happen on my end, it would have to be a very specific situation. I didn't post a personal ad, it was a need for advice.

Secondly, you even said in your post that you get plenty of vaginal sex! Why in the world would I want to meet a man who's either just looking for oral or coolie sex - or a guy who just feels he isn't getting the "right kind" of sex?? Boo freakin' hoo!

Third, but actually first, your language was a total turn-off.

My hubby and I have been discussing the sex thing a lot lately... and he's ready to get back on the bike. I'm not sure how it will go and I'm afraid of the pressure he's putting on himself - if it doesn't go well, that doesn't bode well for the future, I know. So I'll just keep my fingers crossed.

I would look at it as... he's a sickly man. He doesn't feel like he used to. He doesn't see how someone in his state could possibly please you. Maybe he doesn't feel up to par. -shrugs- I was gonna make a point, but everything just left my mind.

I'm glad you and him are talking about it. Maybe there's your silver lining. ^_^

Oh no, you left me brokenhearted now...

again, hotdogg - lets get a poll up here.

i need these bickerers banned.