Boyfriend always checking up on his ex....

poudrier2083 · 10-15-2007, 12:36 PM

Ok so my man and i have been together now since January, almost a year now!

But one thing is bothering me terribly... in the beginning and even now, he calls his ex's voicemail a few times a month to listen to her voicemails.. now he has always told me hes making sure his mother isnt still inviting her over and so on.. and i think its ****ing retarded giving weve been together 10 months now, his mother knows were together, shes not going to invite his ex over and hasnt ever, because whenever i call him out on it, hes like well my mom isnt calling her, but i still want to be ahundred percent....... i mean what is going on here.. is he still hung up on her? does he just wanna hear her **** voice? is he just plain nosy?? oh and another thing, why in the does he go look at her myspace a few times A WEEK.... he claims he just wants to see a picture of her new man? which she has put up before, so ok hes seen what her new guy looks like(not that he should care) so he doesnt need to do that ****.. i havent ever gone and checked up on my ex or looked for him on myspace to ooogle over pix of him.. it just hurts to always have in the back of my mind knowing hes doing this..and i always get so upset and cry my eyes out because i tell him i think maybe he still likes her or finds her cute or something.. but yet he still does it... do i just try and deal with it and maybe someday stop? because he does know how much it hurts me. so really no point in saying anymore to him... i mean its been how long? it totally sucks and hurts at the same time and i just need some advice and hoping this helps me feel alittle better, i think aobut this stuff all the time... and im sure some of you might say they have a thing going on but i know thats not the case, she would be calling him and texting him all the time like she did in the beginning and finally in July he did what i asked and called her and told her to move on because for the first 7 months of our relationship OMG! this girl just didnt get it.. or maybe she didnt know he had a new girlfriend..me...

Ravsoma · 10-15-2007, 03:24 PM

Oki. Calm down and breathe. Swearing your head off won't get you anywhere and you can convey your message without it (I should take my own advice).

You know... I kinda do the same thing sometime. I have a habit of checking out ex's just to make sure they're oki. Not because I still have feelings for them, but I'm -generally- a caring person. I had one ex that never ate or sleep and sometimes I check on him here and there to make sure he's keeping himself healthy. Another ex of mine who cheated on me... well, I try to hack into his Myspace NO ONE READ THAT PART! because I'm still hellbent on getting him back for what he did to me. See? There are so many possibilities.

Although... he could be with you and still have feelings for her. And it's not like he just got them all over again. It takes a very long while to get over someone you love(d). I'm sure to you it's been a long time since they've been together, but for him it could be just a little bitter still. Also, you two aren't the same people, so he most likely handles situations differently than you do. He probably does find her cute. Something had to attract him to her for them to even date. I mean, a lot of my ex's are cute/attractive. They can't help their faces. ^_^

... About him going behind your back and looking ... How awkward would it be for him to get permission or to tell you that he's looking at her webpage? I mean, that would just seem weird to me. Like, he was scared of me or something. Get what I mean?

It just sounds like he needs some time far far far away from her and some time to heal. That poor thing. Just be the best girlfriend you can and if it looks like he might be doing more than what's on the surface just sit him down and have a nice, long chat with him about LIFE.

**laney** · 10-15-2007, 05:19 PM

i would have to agree everyone is different in the way they deal with things.im sure your very bright, you seem to be.i would say and i feel very strongly about this...use your intuition.God gave it to us.if something doesnt feel right in your mind and in your gut it probably isnt.if your crying your eyes out thats not good either or the fact that he knows it upsets you to the point it does and he still does it.if he loves you he wouldnt want to hurt you.love is about giving,taking and sacraficing.if he cant do that mabey you need to be with someone that can love you the way you need to be loved.im not trying to instigate.people can be in love and not be right for each other its a very heartbreaching situation.you have to decide for yourself if this is serious which it sounds like you want it to be,can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him and do you want to spend the rest of your life w someone who doesnt take you feelings serious or anything else that a serious relationship intales...hope this helped a little im sorry for what your going through i personally know it hurts.....

i would agree sit down and have a serious talk with him and figure things out.goodluck

**Little** · 10-15-2007, 05:24 PM

I still look at my ex-fiancé's Myspace/Facebook.
Then again, we still speak.
To be completely truthful, I've got lingering feelings for him. He was my "perfect" guy, on paper anyhow. He's exactly what I would have asked for. He did me WRONG, but I still care about him.
It might have something to do with him being in Iraq right now fighting. I'm worried for his life, and that's not just serious, it's DIRE. You'd think I'd want him dead for the way he did me, but I don't. I'm just not that sort of person; I can't bear suffering in someone else.
Good luck on sorting it out.

**laney** · 10-16-2007, 09:22 AM

yes like little i was with someone and we were a perfect fit in every aspect.i still have feelings for him,( loving careing feelings)i think about him often hoping he is ok.if he had a my space i would check on him to see how he was doing i wouldnt spy on him...thats just creepy.but he is a navy seal and was in iraq.it just wasnt the right time in his life for a serious long term reltionship.he was allways gone.we dated for a year and those were the best times of my life.i think back and remember all the wonderfull times we had and how he made me laugh.and you know i would have rather had that one year then nothing at all.saying good bye to him when he left for six months was an extremely hard thing to do. four or so months into his deployment he ended things.we were supposed to be moving in together when he got back.hope this helps

I'm not old, dam it · 11-10-2007, 09:13 AM

I think he isn't over her yet. I think he checks her messages to see if she's dating anyone.

If I were you I'd end it and move on, and hope he isn't checking up on you afterward.

How can you start a life with someone that is still hooked on his past?

**dr.mansview** · 11-10-2007, 11:30 AM

sorry to stray off topic for a sec. but what is that black swirlley thing on "poudrier2083"'s post..looks like a black worm break dancing..i have seen it before on other posts..as you can tell i am pretty much computer illiterate and probably should know what it is..

11-10-2007, 01:30 PM

It seems evident that he is in no way over his ex in any
fashion. You might be setting yourself up for a terrible
dumping.

It's not strange to check out an ex once and a while,
just to see how they are doing. But not with any
regularity, not with any purpose.

This is the error many people make. They don't give
themselves time to get over a past relationship before
diving into a new one.

Hence, his relationship with you was too soon after
his ending with her.

10-15-2007, 12:36 PM	#1
poudrier2083 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 4	Boyfriend always checking up on his ex.... Ok so my man and i have been together now since January, almost a year now! But one thing is bothering me terribly... in the beginning and even now, he calls his ex's voicemail a few times a month to listen to her voicemails.. now he has always told me hes making sure his mother isnt still inviting her over and so on.. and i think its **ing retarded giving weve been together 10 months now, his mother knows were together, shes not going to invite his ex over and hasnt ever, because whenever i call him out on it, hes like well my mom isnt calling her, but i still want to be ahundred percent....... i mean what is going on here.. is he still hung up on her? does he just wanna hear her voice? is he just plain nosy?? oh and another thing, why in the does he go look at her myspace a few times A WEEK.... he claims he just wants to see a picture of her new man? which she has put up before, so ok hes seen what her new guy looks like(not that he should care) so he doesnt need to do that **.. i havent ever gone and checked up on my ex or looked for him on myspace to ooogle over pix of him.. it just hurts to always have in the back of my mind knowing hes doing this..and i always get so upset and cry my eyes out because i tell him i think maybe he still likes her or finds her cute or something.. but yet he still does it... do i just try and deal with it and maybe someday stop? because he does know how much it hurts me. so really no point in saying anymore to him... i mean its been how long? it totally sucks and hurts at the same time and i just need some advice and hoping this helps me feel alittle better, i think aobut this stuff all the time... and im sure some of you might say they have a thing going on but i know thats not the case, she would be calling him and texting him all the time like she did in the beginning and finally in July he did what i asked and called her and told her to move on because for the first 7 months of our relationship OMG! this girl just didnt get it.. or maybe she didnt know he had a new girlfriend..me...

10-15-2007, 05:19 PM	#3
laney VIP Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 50	i would have to agree everyone is different in the way they deal with things.im sure your very bright, you seem to be.i would say and i feel very strongly about this...use your intuition.God gave it to us.if something doesnt feel right in your mind and in your gut it probably isnt.if your crying your eyes out thats not good either or the fact that he knows it upsets you to the point it does and he still does it.if he loves you he wouldnt want to hurt you.love is about giving,taking and sacraficing.if he cant do that mabey you need to be with someone that can love you the way you need to be loved.im not trying to instigate.people can be in love and not be right for each other its a very heartbreaching situation.you have to decide for yourself if this is serious which it sounds like you want it to be,can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him and do you want to spend the rest of your life w someone who doesnt take you feelings serious or anything else that a serious relationship intales...hope this helped a little im sorry for what your going through i personally know it hurts.....i would agree sit down and have a serious talk with him and figure things out.goodluck

11-10-2007, 11:30 AM	#7
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,219	sorry to stray off topic for a sec. but what is that black swirlley thing on "poudrier2083"'s post..looks like a black worm break dancing..i have seen it before on other posts..as you can tell i am pretty much computer illiterate and probably should know what it is.. __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

10-15-2007, 03:24 PM	#2
Ravsoma Banned from WH Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 593	Oki. Calm down and breathe. Swearing your head off won't get you anywhere and you can convey your message without it (I should take my own advice). You know... I kinda do the same thing sometime. I have a habit of checking out ex's just to make sure they're oki. Not because I still have feelings for them, but I'm -generally- a caring person. I had one ex that never ate or sleep and sometimes I check on him here and there to make sure he's keeping himself healthy. Another ex of mine who cheated on me... well, I try to hack into his Myspace NO ONE READ THAT PART! because I'm still hellbent on getting him back for what he did to me. See? There are so many possibilities. Although... he could be with you and still have feelings for her. And it's not like he just got them all over again. It takes a very long while to get over someone you love(d). I'm sure to you it's been a long time since they've been together, but for him it could be just a little bitter still. Also, you two aren't the same people, so he most likely handles situations differently than you do. He probably does find her cute. Something had to attract him to her for them to even date. I mean, a lot of my ex's are cute/attractive. They can't help their faces. ^_^ ... About him going behind your back and looking ... How awkward would it be for him to get permission or to tell you that he's looking at her webpage? I mean, that would just seem weird to me. Like, he was scared of me or something. Get what I mean? It just sounds like he needs some time far far far away from her and some time to heal. That poor thing. Just be the best girlfriend you can and if it looks like he might be doing more than what's on the surface just sit him down and have a nice, long chat with him about LIFE.

10-15-2007, 05:24 PM	#4
Little WH Junior Administrator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: whjuniorad[at]hotmail[dot]com Posts: 1,805 Blog Entries: 4	I still look at my ex-fiancé's Myspace/Facebook. Then again, we still speak. To be completely truthful, I've got lingering feelings for him. He was my "perfect" guy, on paper anyhow. He's exactly what I would have asked for. He did me WRONG, but I still care about him. It might have something to do with him being in Iraq right now fighting. I'm worried for his life, and that's not just serious, it's DIRE. You'd think I'd want him dead for the way he did me, but I don't. I'm just not that sort of person; I can't bear suffering in someone else. Good luck on sorting it out.

10-16-2007, 09:22 AM	#5
laney VIP Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 50	yes like little i was with someone and we were a perfect fit in every aspect.i still have feelings for him,( loving careing feelings)i think about him often hoping he is ok.if he had a my space i would check on him to see how he was doing i wouldnt spy on him...thats just creepy.but he is a navy seal and was in iraq.it just wasnt the right time in his life for a serious long term reltionship.he was allways gone.we dated for a year and those were the best times of my life.i think back and remember all the wonderfull times we had and how he made me laugh.and you know i would have rather had that one year then nothing at all.saying good bye to him when he left for six months was an extremely hard thing to do. four or so months into his deployment he ended things.we were supposed to be moving in together when he got back.hope this helps

11-10-2007, 09:13 AM	#6
I'm not old, dam it Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 26	I think he isn't over her yet. I think he checks her messages to see if she's dating anyone. If I were you I'd end it and move on, and hope he isn't checking up on you afterward. How can you start a life with someone that is still hooked on his past?

11-10-2007, 01:30 PM	#8
kaylar Guest Posts: n/a	It seems evident that he is in no way over his ex in any fashion. You might be setting yourself up for a terrible dumping. It's not strange to check out an ex once and a while, just to see how they are doing. But not with any regularity, not with any purpose. This is the error many people make. They don't give themselves time to get over a past relationship before diving into a new one. Hence, his relationship with you was too soon after his ending with her.