Hi all,needing advice on a relationship that appears to be all one sided.Ive been with my husband for 6 years now,and feel that i am the only one putting any effort into our relationship.My husband has turned into a selfish man that finds the slightest excuse to turn the nicest of subjects into a full blown row.Always wants his own way.Gives me ultimatums quite a lot put up with the way he acts or hes leaving.This has turned out to be one of his popular sayings.He also shows me up in front of my mates,by making suggestive comments to them,a lot of them dont come to ours now when hes in.He has also started leaving for work early,and coming home late,even though he has set hours.He lets his family walk allover us,and jumps whenever they tell him to,also doesnt say owt to them when they constantly say nasty things about me.I dont know how much more of his attitude towards me i can stand,i think its because im scared of being alone why ive tolerated it this long.

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. It concerns me that he continually tells you to put up with it or he's leaving. This suggests to me that he has no intentions of trying to make things better. I know it's easier said than done but don't let the fear of being alone dictate you staying in a relationship that makes you miserable. You don't have to put up with being mistreated.

im going to have to do something,just cant imagine being in the same situation in 10 years time,not fair on the kids aswell they hate us rowing all the time.

Sorry to hear you are in this situation, it sounds awful.

But look at it this way. If you leave, yes, it will be scary and sad and you will be hurting.....but only for a short while.

If you stay, it will be sad and you will be hurting.....but it will last forever.

He will not change. From what you describe, you has no respect for you. Trying to get him to change and see the light will only make his behavior worse.

Leave now before you waste anymore time on someone who treats you badly, you deserve better.

Very sorry to hear about your situation. How bad would it be for you if he did just leave? Do you have children? Can you support yourself?

yes i have got 4 kids.2 of them to him,i have nowhere to go,and not much family.i never thought when we first got together that he would turn out to be what he is now.dont get me wrong he isnt violent,its more of his behaviour and the things he says ,to put me down, that hurts.comments like nobody will want you when we break up,im beginning to believe him,cos i feel that fed up, that i just cant be bothered anymore.my eldest daughter hates him because of how he treats me and tells me to kick him out.the youngest 3 just hate the constant rows.i cant stand the thought of being in this situation in 10 years time.x

He is abusing you emotionally and mentally! Just because he hasn't hit you (yet) doesn't mean he's not abusing you. Don't believe a word he says, he's the one that no one will want.

Do you have any close friends you can confide in that won't tell him? my guess is that all of your friends have discussed his behavior behind your back and are just waiting for you to make the break.

Do some research to see if there is a local organization in your area that can help you get on your feet without him.

Stay strong and keep reminding yourself that you (and your kids) deserve better.

I agree 100%. His statement that no one will want you is nothing more than words to control you by making you feel worthless. I can completely understand that your oldest child hates him. I went through the same kind of marriage, verbally/emotionally abusive, and my son hates my ex. It was amazing how my physical health improved once I got out of that situation.