Thread: My husband and a female co-worker. Advice Please!

Well, it seems to me like you have a lot of trust issues with him based on his behavior with certain things, like the strip clubs, etc.

I don't understand why you are all freaked out that a co-worker, whom your husband has told you all about, who is married and pregnant, came by to drop off gifts so your husband could bring them into work. Maybe she hadn't wrapped them, or finished buying them, and that's why she didn't bring them into work that day. Also, he called you to tell you she would do it. It seems to me like you're blaming a woman for something you are angry with your husband about. I mean, coming from her side she probably thinks he's just a great work friend who was doing her a favor.

My husband works with lots of women - we call them his "work wives" - he talks about me and our daughter all the time, and tells me things that go on in their lives all the time. Then when I meet them, I already feel like I know them. One of them is our age, divorced, a very sweet person, independently wealthy, and just bought my husband an expensive present for Christmas. Am I mad? No... because I have no reason to think anything inappropriate is going on. I mean, I would be more worried if there was this whole other life at work that I wasn't privy to and I didn't know anything about these people when they met me.

But your husband seems to drop hints, that obviously hurt your feelings, about how he crushes on other girls or they on him. You have to explain to him how disrespectful you find that! Considering he knows you obviously have abandonment issues, as you mentioned, it seems a little harsh that would be so cavalier about mentioning other women and his feelings and whatnot to you.

I wouldn't worry about this particular woman. I would worry about his whole attitude toward you and the women he feels a need to constantly bring up to you.

It is interesting that you are defending your husbands relationship with his "working wives". I read one of your other forums and you were complaining that you and your husband did not have sex for 8 months even though the doctor said he was ok too.

We have all had our 'work wives/husbands'.

My most recent work husband was 1/2 my age,
recently married, and I never saw him outside
of the office.

The most jealous husband (RL) would not in
any way shape or form think ANYTHING WAS
GOING ON. Nor would his wife think for one
second there was anything Going On.

My work 'husband' was a geek, like me, and
we were the only two who could wax lyrical
about Linux.

My previous work husband was a young
homosexual guy who could take my blunt
remarks and turn them into diplomatic
language.

One of my husband's work wives was a client
of mine, who would often call me to remind
him, (he has a memory of about 285 kps)
and there was never the slightest feeling
that anything was going on.

This is the 'normal' Work wife/husband
relationship.

What this thread is talking about is one
in which the 'straygar' goes off...(it's
like radar, you see the straying).

Trust me, if I came to your house to
drop off the gifts not for one second
would you think there was anything at
all going on between me and your
husband, so the feeling that you get,
that uncomfortable 'itch' is not to be
ignored.

There is a certain, (not to get metaphysical
here) 'aura' that you pick up.

Yes, Dragonfly, I was upset and venting about not having any sex when my husband was going through chemo because as his primary caregiver and wife, I found that one of the ways in which I felt most close to him was no longer an option and being denied to me, and it was devastating to me.

How you're relating that post to this post is a mystery to me.

I'm just adding on, here.

I was just playing devil's advocate. Look, we're all women, and as wonderful as it is, we're also first to point a finger to the "other" woman, or someone we suspect is the other woman, etc. You know what I mean.

I was just thinking about it from her side. Imagine this: You're married, pregnant, tired, and you have a bunch of friends at work, and you forgot your holiday presents. So one of your guy friends says, oh, if you can drop them off at my house tonight, I'll bring them in for you. So you think, oh thank god. And you do it. I just felt that you held HER under some suspicion and I wanted to point out that a happily married, pregnant woman was probably not interested in your husband.

By the work wives post, all I meant was that maybe if he told you that everyone at work talks about their husbands/wives/pregnancies/relationships with each other, you wouldn't have felt so odd that he told you so much about her?

I'm guessing you felt attacked somehow by my post and that's why you left that reply to me.

OK started working there 10 months ago. She is a very very open book person. my husband knows as much about her as he knows about me. He has been comming home for months now and telling me stuff about her. he knows her middle name last name and maiden name and she knows his middle name. one time while they were closing the store together after hours she lifted up her shirt and showed him her stomach. she told him he has a nice butt and that he was sexy. she said out of all the guys at the store he would be the one she would have the affair with. Ok this one is graffic I must warn you but you all need to know how bad this is to understand. She told him that she shaves down there and that she didn't smell bad and she said to him you like me don't you and then invited him oever to her house. My husband is very nieve about it. He did tell her that they needed to filter the conversatons and that they can not talk about sex. But he still continues to flirt. HOw do I get her to back off. I just want to ripp her head off.

Girl, I know how you feel.Im in the same boat with my husband.I know he likes the attention and I cant control that but D*****IT!! you will respect me.My husband and I have gotten into so many spats about women on his job cause he brings them home.He says its not the women but that he loves his job and they just happens to be a part of that.I undersatnd that but if you're sitting around talking about work and your co-wrokers all day leads me to believe thats where your heart is and YES i do have a problem with that.I work at a navy base and NEVER do I bring any of it home.I feel like like once I clock out then work stays at work and my home time is for my family.I know alot of people may disagree but this is just how I feel especially in a marriage.Of course, people get flattered when complimented but in a marriage you dont suppose to feed it and thats my husband problem.Women would talk to him any kind of way and that would burn my A** Hookas are going to be disrepective I dont expect nothing less but I do expect my husband to nip that at the bud just as I would do if one of my co-workers addressed me unappropiately.Why do women always have to "get over" men issues? Lil do they know we face the same issues but if Im strong enough to resist than you should be too ...we're all human RIGHT?

I can so understand how you feel my husband works with this women I can't stand. I told my husband I would rather him and her not have lunch together because it make me uncomfortable and when he went and told her, she said oh whats the big deal your a friendly guy. Well later that same day she went to him and asked him to go on break together knowing how I feel if she is a friend I hate to see enimies. She knew it bothered me and yet she went to him anyway. When I first seen her after this I gave her a dirty look and of course she gave one back and when I offered to say sorry she said to my husband I don't have time for these games its your wife not my problem. So I let it go and it pissed me off and still does but strangly enough now she smiles at me and even talks to me like things are fine so honestly I don't understand it myself. I guess the point I am trying to make is that some women don't care about the wife and how they make us feel others are trying to take our husbands and the others are not but how to tell I wish I knew as being a women I know what goes on in our heads and I myself can't stand the thoughts that the other women might have towards my man so I guess the best thing is either to except the women making you feel like or stand up tall and hold your head up and say hey if she wants my man then come and get him because I am better then her and not going to let her or any other women make me feel like . Make sure she knows that you are women and your roar is louder then hers. Good Luck