Thread: Hello, I have a problem

Originally Posted by DesperateMan

Hello womens-health.
My name is Mike, I have a wife and three kids.
When my wife is tired or for some other reason cannot have sex with me, I might watch and masturbate to pornography.
My wife knew about this, and recently she told me this is cheating.
She also pointed me to this website, and some well-formed opinions about why what I did is cheating.

Because I did not knew about it she forgived me.

Now, I don't like cheating my wife, therefore I ask all of you to tell me what you consider as cheating.
Is it cheating if I just masturbate? (no pornography involved ofcourse!)
Or if I just imagine myself in a sexual act with someone other than my wife? Are these normal?

Thanks a lot!
A concerned husband.

This is pretty much a personal discussion between you and your wife.
Also, ask yourself if you feel comfortable with your wife looking at porn of good looking men and masterbating. Do you feel OK with that?

My guess is that it hurts her feelings because she feels like she is being compared to the women that you are getting off to. She most likely feels that you are doing this because she does not excite you (whether or not that is true) and ultimately, she will never measure up because porn is fantasy and not real.

But it sounds like the two of you need to have a frank discussion about A: why and when you watch it and B: why she considers it cheating.

I personally don't consider it cheating, but I also don't like the way it makes me feel when my guy watches it. Also, masterbating is definitely not cheating.

Are you watching pornm when you could be spending time with her? Is she in bed sleeping when you watch it? Do you try to hide it?

If she feels as though she has ben disrespected, then I suppose that I can see why she is upset.

Cheating though? I don't think so.

I for sure say NO!

all people have fantasys. I don't care what people say they have all imagined what sex or what a certain person looks like naked etc etc.

Masturbation is totaly normal. I understand men typically have a higher sex drive and maybe have to releive them selves more often. If you wife doesn't want to take part in this and you choose to do it thats fine.

I think this is more of a jealousy thing. I am sure my man looks at naked girls, nothing wrong with it women are beautiful whats wrong with looking?

Id say it NOT CHEATING, but for sure speak to her about it.

I don't think its cheating. I consider cheating to be a sexual act of some sort done with another person outside of the marriage without my partner's consent or knowledge.

I don't think "forgiveness" should be necessary in an issue such as this; you have sexual needs that you are filling yourself in a healthy way when your wife cannot participate.

If you are only watching porn when she is not available, then I think it is fine. If you are watching porn rather than spend time with her, that is a problem.

Yeah, I'm with everyone else here. Porn is NOT cheating.

It's more of an issue of her self-confidence, and jealousy.


Don't let yourself get beaten down into thinking that what you're doing is evil and wrong, state that you have sexual needs, most likely higher sexual needs, and that where she isn't going to satisfy them, you will. Otherwise she's asking you to dance to her sexual calendar, basically be under her power (iron fist) etc etc. Either she's got to start making an effort to please you, or accept that your sex drive overflows her cup.

I also think if she actually read any of the threads on pornography at this board she definately shouldn't have directed you here! Duh, do some reading first. Most people concur that it's the woman's issue, just like if we didn't like her seeing her friends, or something.


Anyway, it seems like the women who don't believe men can masturbate and/or look elsewhere a little are generally quite fanatical, and will strive to have their man live to their rules. What this leads to, is lies, as the guy won't stop doing what is natural to him, and the girl wont give an inch on accepting it.


Get her to read this thread.