Thread: I feel Stuck

Hi all....Here it goes. Ive been married for almost five years and have two small children. Almost as soon as we were married I found emails inviting girls over to my house and talking dirty while I was at work. I am in the service and about 7 months into my marriage I was deployed. The day I arrived to Iraq I found more disturbing emails to women and invites to like group sex parties and such. When he was confronted he would act like he didnt do anything and then would eventually say that he was just messing around on the computer. Anyways I got over it, but soon after I met someone while in Iraq and it slowly statrted to become a realationship. We did become sexual on one occation, but I fIelt extremely guilty afterwards and it did not happen again. When I got home from Iraq I planned on be faithful to my husband and just started over. He never found out about my affair and shortly after my retun I got pregnant with my daughter. I continued to find emails though on his end from women and one day decided to create a fake account to see how far my husband would go. He agreed to meet with me to have sex posing as this other women. I ended up having my daughter that night and he still emailed me agreeing to meet with me another time. Finally when I got out of the hospital I confronted him that it was really me. He acted like he knew it was me the whole time. I was so extremely hurt. I've caught him talking dirty to one of my friends online and blewup. That was the last incident I caught him online, but to tell you the truth I stopped looking. During all of this I gained alot of weight and really didnt feel good about myself. He never says I love you and the only time he show affection is when he wants sex. I got pregnant again and had my son. After my son was born I lost alot of weight I think from chasing two babies around ,working full time, going to school, and taking care of the house hold. I finally started feeling good about myself again and recently I started talking to someone from work just flirting and texting. My husband found the text messages and fliped out. He wanted me to take a lie detector test to see if I selpt with him. I was willing to because nothing happned, but then my husband said he was going to ask if I had been faithful during our entire marriage. I came clean and told him about the man I was involved with while in Iraq and everything was exposed. I have no more secrets from my husband anymore and a stress has been lifted, but everytime we fight now he brings it up. Every fight we have feels like my world is ending. My husband makes really good money and Im still in the service. Im about to get out and if we get divorced I would not be able to support our kid where we live at because its so expensive. I would be forced to go back east with my parents and really be miserable. He has become extremely controlling and knows that my life revolves around him. I do everything to please him, but nothing works. He does nothing but work and come home. If I say anything that upsets him he cancels all plans and just sits in bed ignoring me and the kids. He makes me watch our kids 24/7 and it is extremely hard on me. My kids are ages 1 and 2 and it is very hard to watch them by myself. When this heppens sometimes I just freak out. This week end he did it again and just locked himself in the room. I really flipped out and felt like I was going to loose it. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown and I really scared myself and my kids. My husband had no reaction and seems think I am just faking it for attantion. Then after a day or so of not talking he acts like nothing happened. I feel like such a fool. This happens so often now each time he says he moving out and leaving me and the kids. I feel forced to call my mom crying because I feel like my world is ending. And then Im make out like to fool and take him back. We could have a wonderful life together if we could just get past some issues, but I cant live my life like this anymore and I dont know what to do.

Originally Posted by ajwilliams

Hi all....Here it goes. Ive been married for almost five years and have two small children. Almost as soon as we were married I found emails inviting girls over to my house and talking dirty while I was at work. I am in the service and about 7 months into my marriage I was deployed. The day I arrived to Iraq I found more disturbing emails to women and invites to like group sex parties and such. When he was confronted he would act like he didnt do anything and then would eventually say that he was just messing around on the computer. Anyways I got over it, but soon after I met someone while in Iraq and it slowly statrted to become a realationship. We did become sexual on one occation, but I fIelt extremely guilty afterwards and it did not happen again. When I got home from Iraq I planned on be faithful to my husband and just started over. He never found out about my affair and shortly after my retun I got pregnant with my daughter. I continued to find emails though on his end from women and one day decided to create a fake account to see how far my husband would go. He agreed to meet with me to have sex posing as this other women. I ended up having my daughter that night and he still emailed me agreeing to meet with me another time. Finally when I got out of the hospital I confronted him that it was really me. He acted like he knew it was me the whole time. I was so extremely hurt. I've caught him talking dirty to one of my friends online and blewup. That was the last incident I caught him online, but to tell you the truth I stopped looking. During all of this I gained alot of weight and really didnt feel good about myself. He never says I love you and the only time he show affection is when he wants sex. I got pregnant again and had my son. After my son was born I lost alot of weight I think from chasing two babies around ,working full time, going to school, and taking care of the house hold. I finally started feeling good about myself again and recently I started talking to someone from work just flirting and texting. My husband found the text messages and fliped out. He wanted me to take a lie detector test to see if I selpt with him. I was willing to because nothing happned, but then my husband said he was going to ask if I had been faithful during our entire marriage. I came clean and told him about the man I was involved with while in Iraq and everything was exposed. I have no more secrets from my husband anymore and a stress has been lifted, but everytime we fight now he brings it up. Every fight we have feels like my world is ending. My husband makes really good money and Im still in the service. Im about to get out and if we get divorced I would not be able to support our kid where we live at because its so expensive. I would be forced to go back east with my parents and really be miserable. He has become extremely controlling and knows that my life revolves around him. I do everything to please him, but nothing works. He does nothing but work and come home. If I say anything that upsets him he cancels all plans and just sits in bed ignoring me and the kids. He makes me watch our kids 24/7 and it is extremely hard on me. My kids are ages 1 and 2 and it is very hard to watch them by myself. When this heppens sometimes I just freak out. This week end he did it again and just locked himself in the room. I really flipped out and felt like I was going to loose it. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown and I really scared myself and my kids. My husband had no reaction and seems think I am just faking it for attantion. Then after a day or so of not talking he acts like nothing happened. I feel like such a fool. This happens so often now each time he says he moving out and leaving me and the kids. I feel forced to call my mom crying because I feel like my world is ending. And then Im make out like to fool and take him back. We could have a wonderful life together if we could just get past some issues, but I cant live my life like this anymore and I dont know what to do.

I really sorry you are going through all this. It sounds really bad. I don't want you to feel any worse, but your marriage has been over for a while. I'm not sure why hubby decided to cheat and not talk to you if he was unhappy. Then decided to lie when caught. Based on what you said, I just could never trust him.