Thread: Please help. Husband set up affair...........

Hi andresen.

Don't give him chances and don't teach him a lesson. If you feel your marriage is worth saving, your husband must get help, possibly counseling. And I would make it an ultimatum that he goes. Make the calls yourself if you have to. But if he makes another empty promise, do whatever you have to to take care of yourself and your child. If he cares about the well-being of his family, he will get the help that he needs. If not, then he can blame himself for the destruction of your marriage.

i really say dont give him another chance. He obviously has no control over what your talking about.If he did he wouldnt be doing what hes been doing. You should be the most important person in this world to yourself, think about that. U wouldnt advice your best friend to put up with it why should u?

He is looking now. Why? Not enough sex at home? Take a look at how often you have sex. Perhaps he wants it far more than he is getting.

I would say it crosses guys minds when things are stagnant at home. The difference is some people act on it but most don't.

If he hasn't physically cheated on you (and even if he has) people do mess up, and when its pointed out, if they are worth anything, they'll do the right thing and change. It sounds like in your case he hasn't cheated yet. If he keeps fishing for an affair, I'd recommend seeing a marriage couselor.

In the long run it is your decision on what to do. My husband cheated for the first time after three years but we had three kids and so many years vested i thought i would give him a chance then recently i found out that he cheated on me a total of three times and he almost left for the third. The person that i am I took him back because i love him so much. The only thing that i can not get past is that i do not trust him and every day i cry because i hurt so much. We have been married for almost 8 years now and have been together since 1995. I dont want to throw it away. I am trying to make it work but it does not help that we fight a lot and i am constantly only thinking of him with someone else and cry every day. I personally dont know what to do myself sometimes. Your decision only depends on how strong can you be and can you pull through this. Ask yourself that.

This is . My husband got it everyday if he wanted it. He never was turned down. He always has turned me down. Sex is not always the reason.

Originally Posted by CM2008

He is looking now. Why? Not enough sex at home? Take a look at how often you have sex. Perhaps he wants it far more than he is getting.

I would say it crosses guys minds when things are stagnant at home. The difference is some people act on it but most don't.

If he hasn't physically cheated on you (and even if he has) people do mess up, and when its pointed out, if they are worth anything, they'll do the right thing and change. It sounds like in your case he hasn't cheated yet. If he keeps fishing for an affair, I'd recommend seeing a marriage couselor.

Before you do anything I think you should weigh what exactly his crimes are. Did he cheat on you? ie. Did he have sex with someone else? You've stated there is more, so only you know what he has done. (Actually he's the one that knows what he has done and what he is thinking) I would suggest sitting him down and informing him that if he wants this marriage to continue then he needs to be completely honest and answer your questions. I guess that could be interpreted as an ultimatum, and I really don't believe in ultimatums, however, if you should use one make sure that you are prepared to back it up. (like Sourpuss said) I would also suggest that you outline what you expect out of this marriage and out of him. Ask him if he wishes this marriage to continue. Inevitably, marriage counseling for both of you is probably needed.

Personal thoughts.. if he was merely looking to cheat and has not actually cheated yet. I don't see it as something worth ending the marriage over. I would view it as catching someone planning to rob a bank and you cought them before they did it. They are guilty of a crime, but not the same as actually committing the crime. The difference is, I don't think he reach the point of no return yet, luckly you caught him.

I don't envy your situation. Good luck to you and whatever you decide to do.

February huh... Guess this was a little old to help the threader.