Thread: Have I cheated on my wife?

Luckily the colleague no longer works here and my wife isn't due back at work for another 6 months anyway.

I have told her everything now. She understandably hasn't taken it well and when we talk she can only focus on the fact that I didn't do this spontaneously, rather that it was quite thought out. I suppose in a fantasy world this does suggest I desired this woman sexually, but in the real world I would never have attempted to do anything about it.

Thanks for your reply kiwi.

Me as a woman, and a wife I would be ****ed off if I found such a thing....and even more ****ed if I have to work with the "other" woman. I feel this is a more complicated situation in the sense because this is not like porn...this is close to home. Like Kiwi said you need to talk to your wife and let her know you desire her, that you know longer have feelngs for this woman in a sexual/attractive way by any means! It is going to take time for you both. I hope you are understanding and I hope your wife can forgive you...which is the biggest thing, and then she can learn to trust you again, because I am quite sure she probably feels like she can't trust you right about now. Good Luck and God Bless.

This is big. Much bigger than you can fathom. This was not a stranger. This was well planned and even though you did not f*** her, you did in your mind. This probably would have been next.

Nearly a year ago I found out about an affair that my husband nearly had. He did not meet her as he did not realize how much she wanted him but it could have taken place. This was probably 10 to 13 years ago. It was not his fault but he just told me about it. Despite this not taking place that woman is in bed with me many times when we are having sex. Just the thought that another woman wanted him drives me wild. Now you must live with the fact that you wife knows that you wanted another woman.......No matter what you say that is what it comes down to. You made love to her picture.

This will take a lot of work for her to get over what has happened. She probably never will but hopefully she will make an attempt at it. I would throw away every bit of Porn that I had and turn my life completely around. Devote yourself to your wife and child and stop making excuses that all men do it. I wish you well.

How risqué those pictures were means a lot to my opinion of the situation ... if the other woman was dressed conservatively, not too much skin showing in the pictures, I would be much more hurt than if she had it all hanging out.
Because that would mean that there was something more about this woman that you wanted to take part in, rather than just animal instinct; lust for what you were getting peeks of anyways.
I personally feel as though a marriage could recover from this. But like you said, these are her feelings and nobody should tell her that she shouldn't be hurt.
In fact, you saying that is where I knew the marriage was salvageable. There is room for forgiveness because you're making room for realizing your mistake.
Good luck.

After reading Little's post I went back and read yours again. I only realized then that you were "hopefully" taking pictures of a woman who was clothed. Then I read how you consider yourself normal and rather boring if anything.

I wish to soften my post to you. I think you got carried away with the world of fantasy. I think that your sex life needed some erotic heat in it. You were craving stimulation and so you made one of the dumbest mistakes you could have made.... I mean this is bad. Now you must figure a way to dig yourself out of this self dug grave and go to your wife and tell her the reason for the pictures..Bring along a dozen red roses and be prepared to kiss her *** if you have to...Tell her how much you love her 1,000 times and mean it... Let her know if you want more fantasy and excitement in your sexual life. Perhaps that is why you are looking at Porn to gratify yourself when you want more closeness with her. ....You must consider that when you say this to her she may kick you square between the legs making sure that you will not rise again for some time but you have got to try to make your case and make sense at the same time. If I, as a woman, needed more hot sex from my husband and was not getting enough, I, too would probably look at Porn. BUT you sound so educated and like such a nice guy and may just be boiling inside with the heat of wanting some hot sex with your own wife. Sometimes a couple can be too reserved especially when one of them wants to be wild and really let it all hang out and instead it becomes a "handshake routine"......

I believe you were not going to chase on her unless I am missing the boat and these were pictures of a nude woman. Please forgive if this sounds stup*d as I am just trying to fit some square pegs into a round hole and trying to make it work.....Again best of luck....

Thanks for your replies.

Just to say to CarolineWH that I really didn't want hot sex with this woman. It was, to me at least, nothing more than a fantasy. There is also no question that my wife and I have a bad sex life, on the contrary, we have a good sex life. We are not reserved and making love isn't a handshake routine as you put it.

To Little, the pictures weren't too risque, that is my wife's issue of course as she sees that as indicative that I wanted this woman more fully. I didn't, rather left more to the imagination. It was to me an act of selfish self gratification, one that I am paying dearly for, but more sadly, one that my wife is paying dearly for too.

I feel terrible and so I should. Some of your replies helped me understand more her point of view, although by the time I read them she had already made me understand that. What your replies did was hammer it home. I realise the seriousness of my actions on my wife's emotions and can now only hope that she can find it in her, one day, to forgive me, or that notwithstanding, at least to forget and move on. I feel at this point that things will never be the same though.

What a fool.