Thread: Live together not as married couple

What you are giving up you are doing for the most important reason in the world - for your FREEDOM.

The main reason women in bad relationships don't leave is because of lack of money. Yet another control factor making him smirk and think that no matter how you hate him, he's got you.

He intentionally doesn't pay you! Is it any wonder he says, well if you want to go, then go? He benefits every minute of his day from having you there, and you don't benefit at all! Can you call a divorce lawyer and get some advice while you're at work, or would he find out? I'm curious to know if you can kick someone out - in other words, change the locks while he's out at McDonald's, and don't let him in!

The person who leaves is considered in legal terms (anonwhitefemale, correct me if I'm wrong) the one who abandons the marriage, which is why some people stay in the same house and some people fight tooth and nail over who should go. Don't go yet. Stay and fight and be your own best investigator.... find out your legal rights in all the aspects of your life and what happens if you want to leave.

I'm really rooting for you here - we all are.

BTW, I'm 48 white female, college educated. To add to the difficulties, DD is bipolar. Just got a call and have to admit her to the hospital tonight. Had to 2 years ago, and it's been on the verge for 8 months now but we have tried to not do this. Of course, her condition makes home life even worse, she atacks me verbally and physically. He just started attempting to protect me from her after 15 years of letting her go at it. But I'm hospitalizing her today. She has abused me verbally for 2 straight weeks and I have had it. Wish it was so easy with the H.

I came across a similar case. In this one, the
child's problems were directly linked to the
home situation; (which mirrors yours) and
the wife, (who had 'stayed together for
the sake of the children' was now a complete
mess, feeling responsible).

What she did, I don't know if you can, is
admit the child to the hospital, leave the
matrimonial home, got a job, got a small
flat, and after a few months, when she
was virtually 'a new person', took the
child home for the weekend, and things
began to improve.

It wasn't over night, obviously, but in about
six months the improvement in the child was
remarkable.

So you might want to consider this.l

I've read all of your threads and I really feel for you.

I really think that this guy is a nightmare, and you will never be happy around him.

How old are your children?

How about, you quit doing that ****** job that apparently takes up all of your time, which doesn't profit you at all, and get an actual normal paid job! That way you're making your own money, paying it into your own account, and having time of your own etc...

It's good that he's getting better... but I don't really think that means that the relationship is worth it though. I think for you and your children you really need to get out. I can only imagine how crushed and demorailsed you feel, and to be in the position where you regretfully resign yourself to an existance you hate. This is your only time here on this world, your existance is a miracle, your life is something precious which you can never get back, you need to enjoy the little time we have here, because that's it [no afterlife for me]!

LadyLane, I don't really know divorce law at all, and I bet it's different in England than it is in America. You cant even have pre-nuptual agreements here. I guess that's why I don't think I'll get married - no splitting of assets for me. I don't know if you have to prove that someone's ruined the relationship, but being beaten by them and completely mistreated seems like as good a reason as cheating, or whatever.

So.... just stop doing the job that makes you no money. If it makes him money, demand a cut - or that he pays you from his salary instead. Living separated would be a nightmare, and if you brought a guy round what would he do? I think the age of your children is important, as it affects how much support they require from you.

There HAS to be a way you can make moving out work, and liking a big television should hold you back. Please, go.

Thanks for all the kind comments. My kids are 18, 16, 13. The oldest goes to college this fall. Just admitted the 16 yr old girl to mental hospital tonight. It was very intersting when she made a comment that daddy knows everything about everybody and knows enough to tell them all what to do all the time. Then she said but he does it because he loves us and takes care of us. Out of the mouth of babes....

As far as the job, it is a retail store I opened 2 years ago at his urging. We opened it in my name only. All debt is in my name. He was afraid of ruining his credit score and it would work against his job and career. Of course someone has to support the family so I agreed. Had not real choice actually. It is so young it is not profitable to pay me yet. I used to have a great paying career but he wanted a family business that is profitable so he can retire early. I love the store, it is motorcycle leather and I ride and I love my customers, etc. He gets jealous of all the attnetion I get, but says he handles it ok. If I closed it now, I would loose my shirt and my credit would be ruined. I have to keep it til it makes enough to pay off all the debt incurred by opening it. The only thing I can figure to do is get a full time job and only open this in the evening and weekends after I finish working somewhere else, thus I would be putting in about 18 hours a day. I do not have employees, cant afford to pay anyone yet.

He's really close to our daughter and it hurts him to have to admit her to the hospital. She worships him and he needs that very much since I will not anymore. Tonight he kept trying to hug me, rub my leg, rub my back, get closer, this after I keep telling him I do not want to be touched. We were in a mental hospital - I don't think it would have looked right to go off on him invading my boundaries... but I should have anyway. What's his problem that he cannot stop touching me!!! I know it is because he needed comfort and was using me for it.