Thread: Help! Some advice on cheating please

Hello. My name is Stacey. This is the first time I have posted here and I am sorry it has to be about this subject. But, I find myself desperately needing some advice.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and together for 9 years. He is a great man. He supports me in everything I do. But the last 3 years I have felt like something is not quite right in our marriage. When I was pregnant. for my son I found 2 condoms missing from a package that I know for a fact only had one missing. I just figured that my daughter had found them and thought they were toys. So I did not think anything of it. A few weeks later I got into the drawer to get something and the box was open again. This time there were 3 missing and I know my daughter had not been playing in our room. So I watched the box slowly empty out and disappear over the next few weeks. I never said anything to my husband because I thought that I was just being insecure because and it was my 8 months pregnant hormones taking over. I thought there was another explanation (done ask me what. But I never in a million years would have thought my husband was cheating. He NEVER stays at work late. He never goes anywhere without us. I did not wee where he would have time to cheat). I just sort of pushed the whole incident to the back of my mind for a few years. But lately I have had a very bad feeling and all the thoughts about the empty box has come back again. It is just all the little things that are adding up and I am not sure if I am just paranoid or what. My 2 year old was playing on the computer a few weeks ago and he opened my husbands email on accident. There I found some emails to a online sex site with pictures of me in then (ones that I did not know he had taken and am devastated that he shared with the world). I have watched his email since then and found him sending pictures of himself to another woman on that site (do you consider that cheating? I never did before, after all they are just pictures. But I am very upset about it). I know that he has another email address at work and I just wonder what kind of stuff he emails off of that. I am considering some of the sniper spy software so I can see what he sends from work. Do you think that is wrong? If he is cheating I have a right to know right? He is also secretive about a lot lately. He will not open his email if I am standing by the computer. My kids and I always have surprised him at work to take him out to lunch a few times a month. Last week he complained about the way that we just show up. Why should it matter? He has to eat. I thought he liked seeing us. For lunch. And when we go out somewhere I know that he looks at other women but he has never made comments about them. In fact he always used to hate how my step-dad would make comments about other women in front of my mom. But lately when we go somewhere he has nothing but comments about how hot some women are or about how much they excite him. It really hurts. Especially since I just had another baby and I am feeling unattractive to begin with. I also went through his wallet and found a credit card, master card, that says member since 2003 ( we have not had credit cards since 2000 when the only one we had, a visa, was canceled). I called on it and it had a 0 balance. But they said it was last used in march 2004 (when I found the empty box) but they could not tell me on what because it had been so long. When we were watching a movie about an affair the other night I jokingly asked him if he had had an affair. He just blew it off with a sarcastic answer.

Sorry this is so long but I just do not know what to do. I do not have anyone to talk to about this either because I don?t want anything said to my husband just yet. I never in a million years would have thought I would have to question my husbands faithfulness. He is the nicest most genuine person I have ever known. I am completely beside myself. I don?t know what to do. What if he is not cheating and I question him? He will never trust me again for going through his stuff (after finding the emails I searched everything of his. The truck when he was at work, his wallet the basement where all his tools are. But I found nothing except the credit card.) I don?t want to be a bad person but I feel something is wrong and I cannot get enough proof to make myself believe it. Any advice out there? Please help. I am so upset. I cannot eat or sleep. I am being a bad mother too because all I feel like doing all the time is sit on the couch and cry.

Thank you so much for listening.

Stacey

There is a LOT of suspicious evidence, but its possible he is not cheating. Some men use condoms when masturbating - provides a different sensation. Webcams at work can be used for legitimate web conferencing. Maybe he got a credit card offer long ago and forgot about it (apparently it hasn't been use in 6 years).

The online sex thing is different - and he is most likely doing that. Whether you consider that cheating depends on your feelings.