Thread: Back to where I was 12 years ago-

Originally Posted by Stuck-in-a-rut

I know it's not "good" to know there are others out there who have had or are living the same life, if you can call it a life, but it helps to know there are others out there who understand.

Sometimes, I can't help but to wonder if it's me, first marriage failed, similar feelings of being the one who does it all, but can't get any me time or have an outside interest, but the men are two different men. Of course I know women and men are different, but it hurts to know that I screwed up twice. And my kids suffer for it.

I have threatened to leave, he improves for a week, and it's back to the same old.

I told him if he doesn't seek help for his depression and control issues, I will leave, but he can't see the depression as real.

I guess I could go back home, but the bills will be my one factor that hinders me. I don't make as uch as him and of course, we live beyond what we can truly afford. Most of the credit cards are n my name. Most jobs back in W NY where I am originally from don't pay as well and cost of living is high. Family can't help in that area and if they could, probably wouldn't. At one time, my family hid from me real estate they had, when I was going thru 1st divorce and had no place to live w/ 2 kids.

Anyway, there so much more, but I hate it when it sounds like I am whinning or making excuses. I do need to just work toward paying off those dangerous credit cards and stash away some cash to get out of here or move back to NY.

Thanks so much for your post. It really has helped me.

You know the old saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day"... I also thought perhaps it was me, only married once, but long lasting relationships, a fiance that i walked from as well. I was asked once when i said " but he didn't love me", - "didn't he?" - "Have you ever truly been in love"...

Basically, i learnt from that, that i didn't actually love myself, i just through myself into work, liked who i was, what i looked like but didn't love myself. I certainly gave love but not in the way that holds compromise and hard work, although the controlling and abuse of this relationship, as i suspect yours, was certainly one that you don't hang around in anyway.

But, point being that from there, i did learn to love myself, life, all that's in it, i have a man that i am communicating with and he has opened so many doors that i never thought of really, pertaining to relationships.

So, i did learn that i did not have that wealth of knowledge before hand and therefore, fell into the same type of relationships, that being, just believing in love as the word and that was it.

So, i guess that's a key factor that i now know.

Keep on his back, so he's not controlling you, stand tall and take time to i guess find the way in which you can survive on your own. I am so sorry that your family do not support or would not support you that makes it really hard.

If you make it clear anyway that you will not put up with things, then you keep on that old bike you bought, keep putting away money, buy less expensive food items and each $ you save, pay of the credit cards, feed him cheaper meals ( sorry have to laugh at life to) it will add up quickly.

I don't know what else to suggest. But, i don't live in America and there may be others here that have had simular problems financially and have found support groups or places that assist with finance when single and children are involved.

Sometimes, just to get it of your chest really helps, so keep posing the questions i guess that's a start, support is as Caroline said once, at the end of this computer.

Take care for now.

CW