Thread: Confused

Physical violence is a really bad sign. I think you should get out now while you can. Someone who resorts to physical violence when upset may do so again.

If you decide to stay, please, do not have a child with this man for at least a couple of years to see how things work out. I say this because he may decide that getting you pregnant is a way to prevent you from leaving.

Originally Posted by JHarvie

I have been marred for 5 months and last night my husband and I got into a big fight - this has been brewing for some time, we have been rocky for a few months, we make up, it goes well for a couple of days and then we go back again to being distant. We make love once every so and so (when we are not angry with each other). The relationship is so unbalanced. He doesnt have alot of family and he loves my big family, last night when I wanted to leave he wouldn't let me, he kept saying that you can't take my family away from me....you can't leave me, he got so angry that he pushed me to the floor, shaking me and then he put his hands around my neck....he didn't hurt me so much, except for being a little sore today from falling on the floor but what do i do know - he left after he did that and apologised and cried like a baby and feels really bad. He said that he would go to counsellling with me if thats what i want.... taking my family away from him will kill him i know this, im just scared that this will happen again.....

What do i do....

I'm going to share a story with you from when I was 17 years old. I met a guy, who I thought was amazing. He treated me like noone else ever had, was gorgeous and so sweet. About 3 months into our relationship he started to hit me. First time, he was sorry, never happen again. So I forgave him and let it go. Then it kept happening more and more. One time he even pushed me out of his car, while it was moving. I stayed with him for about a year, mostly out of fear. He told me I could never leave him as he would kill me and my family. I was terrified. Finally one day I gathered up all the courage I had and left. I never looked back. Sure he tried, but my friends, family and myself stood strong and I stayed away. He had me so beaten down that I thought I could do no better. I wasn't worthy of anyone else, only him. BUT I was and STILL AM.

Of course I had relationships after, but I made myself a promise. NO MAN WOULD EVER HIT ME AGAIN. And no man ever has. I know its the first time its happened, but usually the first time turns into so many more. My advice to you is to leave. It doesn't sound like the relationship is great anyway, since you've already been married 5 months. I know you feel bad because of how he feels for your family and all, but YOU are whats important here...and you are whats important to YOUR family. Don't give him the opportunity to do it again.

I hope everything works out for you. Be safe.

I'm a guy, and on the whole I think any guy who hits his woman is VERY manipulative. He's say he's sorry, she'll forgive him because people will do anything to stay in a relationship, but she'll then be walking on eggshells because even though he apologised he's still instilled that fear, which he can summon with a look or whatever. Abusers always start slowly, as the longer you know someone the harder it is to leave them, etc etc. In my opinion a man will never only hit his woman once.

Just leave him, or he'll have you in some psychological state where you feel like a prisoner. Violence (unwanted) has no place in a relationship.

Also, I'd like to point out, that I can say with certainty that 90% of the people I'm friends with would never consider it, so there are nice people out there. You don't have to settle for people like him.

Unless you want to of course, and I see a few of those around too.