Not a family man

**Kittie0251** · 05-13-2008, 06:18 PM

so i am extremely close with most of my family for the most part..i enjoy family gatherings and such...my fiance on the other hand is not close to his family and completely hates coming over to my house for get togethers. I mean he will come to some of them but he always complains and trys to make excuses why he cant come..does anyone have any ideas of how i can make him not have so much anxiety about coming over when guests are here?

**rcoreyus** · 05-13-2008, 07:19 PM

Maybe he doesn't have anything in common with them to talk about? My inlaws are very nice people, but visiting with them can be quite a trial - I try to pretend interest in "Uncle Charlie", or "Helen", - or a host of other people I have never met and know nothing about.

Maybe next time he and the family are together you can try to steer the conversation to some common ground.

Of course the problem may have nothing to do with this...

**Kittie0251** · 05-14-2008, 09:32 AM

i dont think that is the problem...once he actually gets to my house he has decent conversations i guess...

abby35 · 05-14-2008, 11:25 AM

Why won't u tell your other family members about your fiance, his interests etc? Get your other family members ask him questions etc. to show they are interested in him etc.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-14-2008, 06:19 PM

If he is not close with his family and gatherings, then it would be difficult for him to be in others, it's all he knows.

He obviously attempts conversations when he does, he just doesn't really like "crouds" and "conversations", a lot of the time the first thing people do is hit you with 1000 questions, about your job, when your getting a new car, things that you don't really want to answer, so it can be frustrating.

Last thing i want to do is talk about work for instance but that's the first question i am asked... I prefer to leave that where it sits, at work.

So sometimes, i go ahhh, have to do this.

I think it's normal.... if that's the way you have spent most of your life, or the questions at family gathering bugs you...

Perhaps pose that question... What bugs you the most hun..... and try to find a solution there, so the next gathering is enjoyable...

CW

**Kittie0251** · 05-14-2008, 11:49 PM

I do understand that it could be difficult because he is not used to that...thanks so much for your input, im going to have to ask him about that tomorrow...i attempted this convo before but he always claims that he just doesnt like it. I think it might be the "crowd" issue, because its when he first gets here he has so much anxiety but then he relaxes after awhile...

05-13-2008, 06:18 PM	#1
Kittie0251 VIP Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 61	Not a family man so i am extremely close with most of my family for the most part..i enjoy family gatherings and such...my fiance on the other hand is not close to his family and completely hates coming over to my house for get togethers. I mean he will come to some of them but he always complains and trys to make excuses why he cant come..does anyone have any ideas of how i can make him not have so much anxiety about coming over when guests are here?

05-14-2008, 11:25 AM	#4
abby35 Junior Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 2	Suggestions Why won't u tell your other family members about your fiance, his interests etc? Get your other family members ask him questions etc. to show they are interested in him etc.

05-14-2008, 06:19 PM	#5
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,908 Blog Entries: 7	If he is not close with his family and gatherings, then it would be difficult for him to be in others, it's all he knows. He obviously attempts conversations when he does, he just doesn't really like "crouds" and "conversations", a lot of the time the first thing people do is hit you with 1000 questions, about your job, when your getting a new car, things that you don't really want to answer, so it can be frustrating. Last thing i want to do is talk about work for instance but that's the first question i am asked... I prefer to leave that where it sits, at work. So sometimes, i go ahhh, have to do this. I think it's normal.... if that's the way you have spent most of your life, or the questions at family gathering bugs you... Perhaps pose that question... What bugs you the most hun..... and try to find a solution there, so the next gathering is enjoyable... CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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05-13-2008, 07:19 PM	#2
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,333	Maybe he doesn't have anything in common with them to talk about? My inlaws are very nice people, but visiting with them can be quite a trial - I try to pretend interest in "Uncle Charlie", or "Helen", - or a host of other people I have never met and know nothing about. Maybe next time he and the family are together you can try to steer the conversation to some common ground. Of course the problem may have nothing to do with this...

05-14-2008, 09:32 AM	#3
Kittie0251 VIP Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 61	i dont think that is the problem...once he actually gets to my house he has decent conversations i guess...

05-14-2008, 11:49 PM	#6
Kittie0251 VIP Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 61	I do understand that it could be difficult because he is not used to that...thanks so much for your input, im going to have to ask him about that tomorrow...i attempted this convo before but he always claims that he just doesnt like it. I think it might be the "crowd" issue, because its when he first gets here he has so much anxiety but then he relaxes after awhile...